Monday, February 28, 2005


I didn't know what it meant then. I'm not too sure if I really know what it means now.

Two years ago, when I was 48 and in my 32nd year of active alcoholism, my definition of Spirituality would have been something like: "a person who goes to church."

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous attempts the following definitions of that concept:

... placing value in and practicing spiritual principles and beliefs
... the fact, quality, or state of being spiritual

When I initially came into the rooms of AA, I almost left as quick as I got there. I saw the word GOD on the walls and wanted no part of that. I had little respect for the church then and not much more now. Then I heard someone share this: "AA is a spiritual program, not religous. Religion is for people who don't want to go to Hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there." That's what I needed to hear.

I am not sure when I actually picked up on the whole concept, but I DO know how it happened. The Big Book explains it thusly:

"We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable." ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PAGE 568

And finally:

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance -- that principle is contempt prior to investigation." --- HERBERT SPENCER

Sunday, February 27, 2005

The Universal Word

Uses of the word "fuck"

If you are offended by the use of bad language fuck off now! Don't fucking read all of this fucking page and then say it annoys you.

FUCK is an international word. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, everyone knows exactly what you mean when you say "Fuck OFF".

It's the atmosphere it creates, that's why you never read "Fuck off he hinted".

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Jane) and intransitive (Jane was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (John really gives a fuck) or a passive verb (Jane doesn't give a fuck). Or an adverb (Jane is fucking interested in John) and a noun (Jane is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Jane is fucking beautiful).

As you can see there are few words with the versatility of "fuck". Besides its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

Greetings ..... "HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
Dismay ..... "OH, FUCK IT"
Aggression ..... "FUCK YOU !!"
Disgust ..... "FUCK ME !!"
Difficulty ..... "THIS IS FUCKING HARD !!"
Despair ..... "FUCKED AGAIN !!"
Incompetence ..... "HE FUCKS UP EVERYTHING !!"
Displeasure ..... "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
Disbelief ..... "UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE !!"
Retaliation ..... "UP YOUR FUCKING ASS !!"
Pain ..... "FUCK !! THAT HURT !!"
Pleasure ..... "Ooooooooooohhhhhhh FUCK !!"
Starting a relationship ..... "LET'S FUCK NOW"
Surprise ..... "FUCKING HELL !! WHAT WAS THAT?"
Hate ..... "YOU FUCKER !!"
Disappointment ..... "THAT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR"
Denial ..... "I DIDN'T FUCKING DO IT"
Perplexity ..... "I KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT IT"
Apathy ..... "WHO GIVES A FUCK?"
Resignation ..... "OH - FUCK IT !!"
Suspicion ..... "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
Directions ..... "FUCK OFF !!"
Maternal ..... "MOTHERFUCKER !!"
Incestuous ..... "MOTHERFUCKER !!"
Ambiguity ..... "I'M NOT SO FUCKING SURE"

Have a nice Sunday.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Heavenly Cock

A priest in a small rural town was very fond of the ten chickens and one handsome cock he kept in a hen house behind the rectory. One Saturday night the priest discovered that the rooster was missing. At the same time the priest heard rumors of cockfights being held in town. Shocked and dismayed, he decided to say something during Sunday Mass.

During Mass he asked the congregation, “Who among you will confess to sporting a handsome cock?” All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said. “That’s not what I mean. Who among you will confess to having seen a handsome cock?” All the women stood up.

”Oh, no,” he said. “That’s not what I mean, either. Who among you will confess to having seen a cock that doesn’t belong to you?” Half the women stood up.

”Oh Lord,” he said. “Perhaps I should rephrase the question, “Has anybody here seen my cock?” All the choir boys stood up.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Let it go

I have been having a real difficult time getting over another failed attempt at a relationship. It was a short one but the pain is the same.

I came across this writing and just wish I could (maybe I can) do what it says.

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that leaves you. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

I won't be hateful, I will be faithful. I know that whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.

Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!! If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth ...LET IT GO!!!

It sounds so easy. Yeah, right.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

rAte mE

If you have the time, please rate my blog. Scroll down about halfway, looking at the right-hand sidebar and find the picture of me on one of my good days, then click where instructed.


NOT for Girly Men



Pretty much, I've always been a "people pleaser."

Boy, has this caused me some problems. I hate to say NO. Those who get to know me must realize this because I am constantly being asked to do this, do that. I have always been the one to volunteer to do things even though my father tried to teach me the opposite. "Never volunteer to do anything", he said.

In sobriety they tell us to do service work. Work with others, help out around the center, clean ashtrays, lead meetings. So I do and I have. Some people see this and assume (correctly) that I will do anything they ask. I constantly give rides to those without transportation, usually during the day because most others are working. Just ask Dave, he'll take you. It seems like I go through an extra pack of cigarettes just about every day because people know I will give them one. Just ask, Dave, he'll give you one. One reason I got rid of my pick-up truck is because I cound not say NO to those wanting to use it. Just ask Dave, he'll do that for you.

Don't get me wrong. I love to be of help, be of service and do for others. But we also learn in sobriety to set boundaries. At least we are told to. I'm still learning how to do this. The few times I've been able to actually do it, then I feel guilty. I actually feel guilty for doing the right thing. Man! this is gonna take awhile!

The most important aspect about setting boundaries is this -- I can only set boundaries for me, not for you. I have no control - I am powerless - over your behaviour. But I do have control over how I react to your behaviour, how I respond to your needs.

When I can learn how to set my own personal boundaries without feeling guilt, more serenity follows.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


If you're into reading blogs on specific subjects, I have come across a very helpful blog to get y0u there. Click here. Just type in the keword(s) and it will list blogs containing that word, beginning with the most recent.

This may or may not have anything to do with anything.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Strike Three!

Although I am gay, I have always been a huge fan of baseball. Growing up and living in Houston, my team was The Astros.

While in college in 1975, I began umpiring locally to make some spending money. This was in Nacogdoches, Texas and all of my games were Junior College and High School level. I really got into it and became involved extensively not only in the game itself, but in the administration of the local umpiring chapter. After 2 years, I graduated from college and attempted to "go pro".

In January 1977, I attended the Al Somers School of Umpires. This has now become the Harry Wendlestedt Umpire School. Back in '77, Harry was the chief instructor at the school and was a veteran major league ump at that time. He eventually spent about 30 years in the major leagues before retiring a few years ago.

Umps 1977
Dick Stello (major league ump), myself and
Harry Wendelstedt February 1977, Daytona Beach, FL

There are only 2 professional umpire schools in the country, both in Florida. A professional ump goes through the same type career that a ball player does. Few positions are available each season and they are sent to the minor leagues, where a majority dwell for their careers. The small percentage who make it to the major leagues do so after several years of making their way to the top. I was not chosen to go to the minors but gained invaluable baseball experience and knowledge during that training.

I went back to Houston and umpired until 1981 when my job forced me to hang it up. Later, when my job situation changed I umpired again from 1994 - 1997. I hung it up for good then. I always loved officiating the game. When I go to Astros games, I watch the umpires as much as I watch the game itself. It is a very intricate and exacting skill and requires a lot of expertise in a number of areas. Not the least of which is dealing with some very interesting personalities.

Umpiring 1978
Me at work in Houston, 1978

Sunday, February 20, 2005

The little Indian that could.

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Mikey's back in town!!

Now that Mssr. Jackson is recuperating at home from a serious case of the flu, priorities have changed.

My spies snapped this pic of him trying to decide on Monday's costume when jury selection continues.


Yall have a GREAT Saturday, ya hear?

Friday, February 18, 2005

Mozart Drove a Toyota

Tonight I did something I never do.

Went to a concert of local talent playing some of Mozart's wonderful music.
mozart_x2 program 2

I never used to listen to classical music. I began listening to it back in 2002, when I was working in Morocco for four months. I had a long-term hire car, a Toyota RAV4. Included with the car was a CD of classical tunes and I kept it playing whenever I was driving. The local radio stations weren't too desireable.

Three months ago I bought a new Toyota RAV4 here in Houston. And it just seemed natural to listen to classical music in my RAV4.

Now, I've actually gone to a concert of Mozart stuff.

There can only be one conclusion to all of this ...

Mozart drove a Toyota RAV4.

82 and Counting

As I mentioned yesterday, it was my MOM's 82nd birthday. We had a wonderful afternoon at my sister, Lisa's, home. Lisa made pork roast, boiled potatoes, boiled carrots, green beans and black-eyed peas (very spicy). ummmmmmmmmmmm Damn, it was good. Oh, she made some great dinner rolls to go with it all.

Lisa has an English Bulldog (AKC registered). BRUNO is so human-like. He's 5 years old and weighs 80 pounds. Loves to play - all the time.

Pat & Dave 1 feb 17 05
Mom (82) & moi (50)

Bruno 2 feb 05
Bruno (5)

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Happy Birthday, MOM !!

Today is the 43rd anniversary of my MOM's 39th birthday.

Pat was born February 17, 1923 in a home in Houston, Texas. In The Heights. It was a suburb of the big city then; a city of about 100,000 inhabitants. The house in which she was born is still standing although it's been remodeled a few times. Today its worth is over $300K, back then its value was about $4K.

I love her soooo much - she's ALWAYS been there for me. I wish I could say the same about me for her, but my alcoholism prevented that at times.

She was a Den Mother when I was a cub scout. She was active in the school PTA til I got to High School. She brought me up in the Methodist Church, giving me that exposure. But she never insisted that I become religous. She always allowed me the opportunity to make my own choices. And to make my own mistakes.

When I came out, she supported me. She's been friends with all the queens I've had the nerve to introduce to her. And she's certainly supported me in my new life of sobriety.

She was there when I lost jobs, when I lost lovers. Never judgemental, just supportive.

Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

Pat - Jan 1985
Pat - 1985

Oct 1992
Pat & Dave - 1992

Hopefully, tomorrow, I will have a pic to post of today's birthday party.

Reaching Out

When my head is in a bad place, I just don't feel like talking to other people.

It's like, "Leave me alone to wallow in my own misery."

When my head is in a good place, I love to talk to other people. Therein lies the problem.

I have to learn to REACH OUT to others when my head is in that bad place. That is how to get out of that bad place. Life is easy when it's good. Life is good when it's easy. But life doesn't throw the easy times at us all the time. Occasionally life is tough. For everyone. This is when our character comes out in its truest form. If I can learn to "shine" when life is tough, it won't be tough for very long. It will get better. Others will appreciate me for it and I will gain self-esteem and confidence.

But waiting for it to get better sucks. I have to REACH OUT.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


Somebody once told me, "The biggest problem with you, Dave, is that one minute you're there. And the next minute, you're there."

From an early age, maybe 5 or 6 years old, I read the newspaper every day. It was delivered back then on our doorstep and I'd read it before going to school. Part of my morning ritual. I continued to read the paper until just a few years ago. I stopped reading it because (1) it's 90% advertisements and I can't find the stories between the ads (2) I finally learned that I can't trust anything the media prints (3) I spend too much time on the internet (not reading news) (4) I have simply lost interest. But I digress.

The 6 years I ran track, I worked out 7 days a week. Without fail.

Throughout high school and college, I was a "C+" student. Rarely made an "A" or an "F".

When I was a baseball umpire, I practiced my techniques endlessly so that every "call" I made was always with the same, precise motions. I was known as a pitchers umpire; ie: I was consistent with my strike zone and it was big. I showed up at games 45 minutes early.

When I drank, I drank every day. Every night. The only exceptions were when those times arose that I had to be at work or otherwise functional, without alcohol.

I drink coffee every morning. For the past 40 years.

In sobriety, I try to be consistent. I go to pretty much the same 16 meetings each week. I go early to be part of the fellowship. I stay late for the same reason.

So I suppose you could call me Anal-Retentive. But at least I am CONSISTENT about it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


Commitment is a big word. Oddly enough, it is nowhere to be found in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. hmmmmmmm...

Commitment means responsibility. It means integrity. In my case, it means Doing Whatever It Takes.

During my drinking days, I was completely committed to my disease. With no conscious effort, my whole life revolved around my commitment to being drunk. As drunk as the situation would allow, and then some.

Today my commitment is to staying sober. I will be the first to admit that it takes a very conscious effort to Do Whatever It Takes. While I have no desire to have an alcoholic drink, I have to remain in total commitment to ensure that doesn't happen. That is because I am an alcoholic and drinking is a natural thing for me to do. There is no fight, no urge, no compulsion or craving. That was taken away by my Higher Power. But that only happened because I made a commitment to that Higher Power. To be honest. To believe. To have faith.

Other things in life require commitment as well. Relationships with people can be the most difficult. A marriage or partnership with a significant-other requires a total commitment by both involved. When that commitment does not exist, major problems will soon follow.

To be successful and happy at one's career, commitment is necessary. Pets require a commitment.

It all falls back to 2 vital concepts - responsibility and integrity. Without those, there can be no real COMMITMENT.

Song Titles

You've probably seen these before, but they're worth another read. Pretty funny.

25 Best Country Songs Titles Of All Time

1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye!
2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling
3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life,Then Number Two On You
4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run - So we're even
5. Mamma Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles
8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
11. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's like Having You Here
15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back And Cryin' Over You
16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
19. Please Bypass This Heart
20. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
21. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
22. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
23. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
24. She's Lookin' Better After Every Beer
25. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few

Monday, February 14, 2005


Although I was raised in the Methodist Church, by the age of 17 I had forgone most, if not all, religous beliefs. My new life of drinking and smoking weed left no place for the church.

Besides, as I would later justify my lack of belief, how could a right-minded God allow so many terrible events to occur in this world? How could children be murdered, how could whole civilzations starve to death - through no fault of their own? No, there could be no God.

When I came into the rooms of AA, there it was: GOD.

"I knew it. I should have known they would try to make me believe this shit. I don't want anything to do with this."

They said not to be concerned with that right now. "Look at Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable." OK, fine. I can certainly understand that and I know and accept what that means. But the rest, well, no way. I continued going to some meetings because (1) the words in Step 1 applied to me (2) Hayden expected me to go to the meetings and I wanted to please him (3) I enjoyed the fellowship and new friends I was making.

As I listened more and more, as I drank more and more, I finally heard what I needed to hear. "This is not a religous program. It's a spiritual program. The difference? Religion is for people who don't want to go to Hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there."


Just what I needed to hear! Those few words gave me something to work with. I could not only accept a Higher Power into my life, but I could make or create my own God (as I would later come to understand Him).

This was a major breakthrough for me and made it possible for me to finally stop drinking when the time came. I finally allowed God (as I understand Him) into my thinking and when I asked Him to help me, it happened.

These things could never have happened if I had not kept going to meetings AND, if I had not been OPEN-MINDED.

Sunday, February 13, 2005


"My name is Dave. I'm an alcoholic. I am powerless over alcohol."

That's a typical opening line at an AA meeting when a person is asked to share his experience. Some day, I may follow that with ...

"I'm also powerless over people. Over their actions. Over their behavior. Over their thinking. I am powerless over my homosexuality and relationships with other people, be it family or an intimate affair. I also sometimes suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and I am Anal-Retentive. I love to collect things, mostly meaningless things. Things that most people would throw away.

I'm powerless over affairs of state - whether they be local, national or anywhere else in the world. I can vote, however, and I do that at 7am on a given voting day (I have to be there early; see Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder).

I'm powerless over drivers, other alcoholics & addicts, over my boss. I'm powerless over dial-up connections, the weather, tomorrow, yesterday, HIV/AIDS, oil companies and Mad Cow Disease. I'm powerless over Ford, Southwest Airlines, people who litter, smokers and Microsoft. My cats won't listen to me; I am powerless over them too. I can't control the TV networks, Dan Rather or Ted Turner. Jane Fonda is out of control and I can't dictate to her either.

Today, I know in my heart the only thing I have any chance of controlling is my behavior. And the only way I can do that is by remaining sober.

All the rest of it, I have to turn it over to my Higher Power, God (as I understand Him)."

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Step Four

There are a number of traits that alcoholics seem to have in common. Among these are a short and selective memory.

That's one reason why we need to attend AA meetings on a regular and constant schedule. So that we can be reminded of who we are and the steps necessary to overcome who we are. Today I was reminded about the healing powers of Step Four of AA's Twelve Steps. This is when we take a moral inventory of our lives, listing both our character assets and liabilities. By doing this, we see, in writing, the part we have played during our existence in the situations that have caused us so many problems. When done honestly and wholly, we see that most "bad" things that have happened to us are of our own making. Many alcoholics, new in recovery, are afraid to look at themselves in this way; afraid to admit that they are the cause of their own problems. Not until this is done, however, can real changes occur.

Once we "see" these situations, we can then change our thinking and behavior.

None of these changes can occur while we are still active in our addiction. Alcohol and/or drugs prevent self-honesty by their very nature. This is why it is so very important to put some sober time together, get a sponsor to guide us through the AA steps and make those changes necessary to learn a new way of life.

Or we can choose to drink and ignore the problem. I don't have that luxury. It will kill me.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Dog Day Afternoon

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes around the house and into the backyard and sees a handsome Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story? "The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government. So I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars", says the owner. The guy says, "This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


At 17 months, 3 days into sobriety, I am still amazed and in awe at the Power of Prayer!

I have prayed a lot the past few days in the hopes it would get me through a difficult psychological period. As promised, it has done just that.

Things didn't get better overnight (as I would have liked) but my problems did not start overnight either. By talking to God (as I understand Him) he has shown me the truth and that I do not need to be a slave to wrong thinking. Without perseverance in prayer and faith, this would not have happened. By applying the Twelve Steps of AA and the Principles behind those steps, incredible revelations will occur. I didn't say "may occur" or "can occur" but that they will occur. These Steps & Principles must be done in entirety and with complete abandon for good things to happen.

I can only thank God for another step along this journey.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Today's Meds

This is the script I need for today .....



The past few days, I've been isolating.

All by myself.

I understand this is one of the many attributes of an addictive personality. Especially alcoholics and drug-addicts. For those of us in recovery, isolating can be deadly. It presents chances to use again, if only because there is no one around to witness our behavior. And once we use again, all recovery bets are off.

I have always thought of myself as a loner. I enjoy my own company. I am very independent until a boyfriend comes into my life at which time I become very co-dependent.

At the age of 50, one might assume that I would have some, or at least a few, friends with whom I go out and do stuff. WRONG! All of my gay buddies died in the 80's and 90's. I went overseas for 5 years, returning in 1994. When I came back to Houston, I hung out at a straight bar (Griff's, The Bar, see January 16)). I had virtually no gay life any more, almost (see Really Anonymous, January 26)). My drinking went out of control and I joined AA and stopped drinking 17 months ago. I no longer have straight friends and all my friends are gay AA'ers. That in itself is great. I imagine that I know 200 people in AA by their first name. Last names aren't important; Anonymous, you know. I'm pretty well-known at the AA center I hang out at and have all these friends there- as long as I am actually there. But I have found that once I walk outside the doors, I am alone, pretty much. There are 2 exceptions here - my sponsor and Scott. I am intentionally leaving them out of this otherwise this blog will make less sense than it already does.

So my last boyfriend relationship didn't work out. It lasted all of two weeks before my character defects took over and ended things abruptly. It would have been so wonderful to have a friend to hang out with; someone who would welcome me in his home at any time and vice versa. Someone to go places with. I have been pretty much without that for 20 years. So when that ended, I began feeling sorry for myself and rejected and depressed that I am half-a-century-old and have no real friends. That has quickly led to isolating. I am aware of this and want it to stop NOW! I really don't mind spending 22 hours every day alone if I am doing it for the right reason. But I am doing it to stay away from people instead of doing it to be by myself.

Scott got me out of the house yesterday for an hour and that was a big help, a start. Today, I hope I can find a reason to do that again, with someone. But I have to ask them because I have learned that none of the 200 people I know by first name will not ask me. My feeling is that by asking someone to do something, I am imposing on their life because I am needy. So I have actually become afraid to talk to anyone. I have never had this feeling before; it's new to me and now I have something else to deal with.

I hate this disease.

But I know the treatment and that it works. I just have be willing to take the medicine.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Instructions for Life

If you've seen these before, good for you. Read 'em again because you may have forgotten one or two. They're some pretty good rules to live by.

Take into account that great love and great achievements, involve great risks.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

Follow the Three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Spend some alone time every day.

Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation of your life.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Mr. Corndog

Meet Mr Corndog. You'll be glad you did.

What a Drag!

"Good afternoon Adrella, and don't you look stunning today?"

--- Royal Vauxhall Tavern, South London, every Sunday afternoon, circa 1992

I spent the most wonderful 2 years of my lifetime while living in and around London. Every Sunday, I would leave my small room in Earl's Court at 11:30am, take the tube to Vauxhall Road Station and walk across the street. I had the timing down so that I would get there when the doors opened at noon - sharp. Being the good, punctual and anal-retentive alcoholic that I am, I was always the first customer of the day. Liz would show up soon after, having made the drive from the countryside to meet me. If we didn't have the chance to meet up during the week, we could always count on these Sunday's to catch up on any important gossip.

Adrella was the star of the show but it did not begin til 2pm. So Liz and I had 2 hours to watch all the queens arrive in their best Sunday fashion and hangovers. By the time Adrella came on stage, the place was always packed! I'm talking about shoulder-to-shoulder packed. The Tavern is a relatively small venue, human capacity being about 150. Adrella regularly packed in over 200 in that place for her hour-and-a-half show. She did original humour with a few songs thrown in for bad luck. Her best was probably Liza (Minelli). Outstanding. Hilarious. Spiteful.

She always spoke not only to the crowd, but involved the crowd. If it was your birthday, your best friend would be sure to point that fact out to Adrella. You would then be roasted and toasted by the crowd. If you were there and claimed to be str8, you were fair game to everything she could come up with to un-str8en you.

Her show would be finished by 3p or maybe 3:30p and the crowd would then head across the way to 9 Elms Lane. The Market Tavern. Beer. Drugs. Poppers. Rock & Roll. Through the night. I rarely made it past about 5pm, by which time I'd be so wasted I just had to do a nap. Getting back to my small room required some deep, intestinal fortitude. I almost always made it back though. Then I'd start all over again about 8pm til the pubs closed at 10:30p.

God, that was fun. The old days.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Moving an object

There was an object occupying a space on my table. Using my hand I picked up the item from its place. Having considered my options for a moment I placed the object on a different area of the table.

Pay no attention

I am soooo obsesseive about things.

I write a GRATITUDE LIST every day which I then e-mail to about 45+ people (most of whom are in recovery). More often than not, this list consists of 10-20 "things" for which I feel grateful on a given day. I try to come up with new and different "things" each time I write the list. "Don't repeat yourself, David."

For the past 2 or 3 weeks, the list has become more difficult to write. I can think of less "things" to be grateful for. I know that this is a reflection of what's going on in my head, not my heart. The same holds true for this blog. I have had difficulty coming up with "things" to blog about.

The result is that I feel almost guilty for not having anything worthwhile to write about. This artificial pressure I put on myself can be the very thing to have a drink over. None of those 45+ people base their day on the "things" I feel grateful for. Nor does anyone really care if I blog today or not.

The lesson here is that I need to learn how to better just "go with the flow" and let life happen instead of trying to force MY will on life.