Sunday, July 31, 2005
Que Sera, Sera
When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, "What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?" Here's what she said to me:
Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.
When I was just a child in school, I asked my teacher, "What shall I try? Should I paint pictures? Should I sing songs?" This was her wise reply:
Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.
When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my lover, "What lies ahead? Will we have rainbows day after day?" Here's what my lover said:
Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own, They ask their mother, "What will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?" I tell them tenderly:
Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que sera, sera, What will be, will be.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, 4th Edition, Page 568
After attending my first few meetings of AA, I pretty much thought these people were full of crap. Don't get me wrong; they were nice people and I made a few friends very quickly. That's why I kept going back, besides trying to save a washed-up relationship.
But all this talk of God turned me off. They talked about having a psychic change, a spiritual awakening. They spoke of practicing the steps of AA. I heard people who said I would have to help others get sober. And they said they couldn't stay sober alone; that it was a WE program.
It was obvious to me that while they were nice guys, they didn't have a clue where I was coming from. None of these guys drank for more than 3 decades; they couldn't imagine what I was going through. I was glad it worked for them, but it could never work for me.
And I told them this.
They told me to keep coming back. They said to be honest (with myself), open-minded (to what they said) and willing (to try something new).
I'm pretending that I am arranging a series of Celebrity Tennis Matches.
Whom shall I pair for the first and second rounds?
(if they happen to no longer be on this planet, forgive me)
Here goes ...
COURT 3 @ 11am ... Nelson Mandela vs Shelley Winters
COURT 2 @ 11am ... Boris Yeltsin vs Jack LaLane
COURT 1 @ 12:30pm ... James Earl Jones vs Shirley McLaine
COURT 3 @ 3pm ... Sean Connery vs Katherine Hepburn
COURT 2 @ 3pm ... Pee Wee Herman vs Goldie Hawn
COURT 1 @ 4:30pm ... Rodney Dangerfield vs Ella Fitzgerald
Do you have any suggestions for the final round?
Saturday, July 30, 2005
I took a friend to see the Astros-Mets game Thursday night. The Astros are really hot right now and can't seem to do much wrong. As a result, the fans are showing them the support they deserve. Big crowds. Big excitement. Big noise. This night was no different as it was a sell-out crowd.
Thursday night was Dollar Dog Night. Normally, the hot dogs (6") cost $3.75. so when they sell those little round pieces of meat? for $1, they sell fast and furious. We noticed that a guy sitting close to us sat down with a tray-full of 10-12 dogs. They come in paper sleeves; nothing more than a hot dog and a cold bun. No fixin's (that's a southern term). Dont' get me wrong; you can put mustard and mayo, relish and onions on 'em if you want, but a guy with that many hot dogs ain't gonna have the time to do that. Not if he wants to see any of the ball game.
About the 5th inning, we decided to get a couple of dogs too. The concession areas were packed, I mean packed with people lined up (in queue, for you Brits) waiting to get their dollar dinner. Every area that sells them had at least 100, maybe 200 people waiting in line. Probably a 15 or 20 minute wait. Forget that. I heard yesterday on the radio that the Astros had sold 51,000 hot dogs Thursday night.
We bought ice cream cones instead. No waiting.
And the Astros won 3-2.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do and he didn't seem overly concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects:
a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey...
"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up.
If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard -a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be."
The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling and headed back to his room.
He deposited his books on the bed, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. He picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink...
"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, .........
"He's gonna be a Politician!"
Thursday, July 28, 2005
"We admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable."
This is Step 1 of the Twelve Steps of Alocoholics Anonymous. In AA, we say that it is the only one of the 12 steps that must be done (accepted) completely in order for recovery to happen. If we don't accept that we're powerless, we may well be doomed to repeat our mistakes ie: drinking.
I never had a problem with accepting my powerlessness. It was quite obvious. I accepted that my life had become unmanageable in a number of ways. I've posted about that before.
OK. Fast-forward to my current 2 years of sobriety. Old memories are slowly returning. Awareness of my life and environment is slowly improving. I have a little more clarity each day as I remain sober. Then, yesterday morning, in an AA meeting - BAM!!!
We were talking about drunken blackouts. I was a blackout drinker from the beginning and have talked at length about that. I figure that I had between 5000 and 8000 blackouts during my 13,000+ days of drinking. Unfortunately I didn't keep accurate records for those 32 years.
But not until yesterday did I realize and admit that my blackouts were a major part of the unmanageability of my life! I've gone through over 1/3rd of my adult life without a clue as to what I did or whom I did it with. Not until yesterday did I come to be aware that maybe, just maybe, my life was a bit more unmanageable than I previously thought.
My God!!! What was I thinking?
Keep coming back.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Congratulations to NASA for a successful launch and return to space Tuesday. Revised safety measures and the addition of dozens of high-speed and long-range cameras to monitor the proceedings should give the engineers a little breathing room.
But nothing can be taken for granted. It's all man-made technology and is subject to man-made mistakes.
Yes, this IS rocket science.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners."
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"
Monday, July 25, 2005
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up."Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher.
"Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Sunday, July 24, 2005
It seems that during June and July there has been an abundance of newcomers and returnees to the rooms of AA. At least, at Lambda Center where I attend meetings. Certainly a lot more than we usually have. Our stock of milestone medallions ran low til we got in a new shipment a few days ago. That never happens.
The topic of a meeting over the weekend concerned the subject of relapse. Some are ashamed to come back, many feel guilty. These are self-imposed fears because for all of us who've been in recovery for any length of time, it's always wonderful to see people come back. Many don't come back.
It seems some of those with long-term sobriety feel a little superior. Not all of course, but it does occur. I suppose they are free to feel that way if they wish, but it seems the message that sends to newcomers can be devastating. After all, we are drunks. We drink. That's what we do. Each day any of us goes without drinking is a miracle. It doesn't seem right to look down on someone just because they haven't quite "got it" yet.
After all, isn't the program of Alcoholics Anonymous about sobriety and not seniority?
Oh yeah, my Mom was there too.
My 82 year-old mother absolutely loved being there in a room with gay and lesbian recovering alcoholics. I introduced her to the crowd at the beginning of my talk, before I had a chance to forget introducing her (like what happened last year on my AA Birthday Night).
I had 55 minutes to talk and was not apprehensive or nervous about it until the meeting actually began. For about 5 minutes, I panicked inside my head. What would I say to these people? They're expecting me to tell them good stuff and all I have to tell them is a little about my life.
I had prayed the night before and I prayed again to God (as I understand Him) just before going onstage. I put all my trust and faith in His hands to guide me through this awkward situation. I had no notes; only a mental outline of the amount of time I should spend on the 3 aforementioned categories. My goal was to focus on The Solution, not The Problem.
If I were to grade my presentation, I would give it a "B." It was unpolished as far as delivery goes. No notes. But it was genuine and from the heart. I choked up a couple of times (not unexpected for me) and some tears flowed, but not excessively. I finished right on time, but wasn't able to spend enough time on how I try to live by The Steps of AA. Maybe next time, if there is one.
I hope I didn't make a fool of myself; I don't think I did. I hope someone in the room was able to hear something that may help them in their journey through this new life of sobriety. For this 51 year-old drunk, it was exhilarating. When I got home, I didn't drink. I went to sleep. And I slept quite well, thank you.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends -- this is an experience you must not miss."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, Page 89
Tonight, I have been asked to tell my story at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is at a meeting I have not missed since before I stopped drinking, almost 23 months ago. There are typically 50-75 other recovering alcoholics in attendance. The rules are simple: just state what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. I am humbled and I know that a few of my tears shall flow as I speak of the series of events that brought me down, to my "bottom." It never fails when I talk about that part of my life journey.
My biggest apprehension is how to cram 32+ years of alcohol abuse into 55 minutes. I have made a very general outline in my mind but I haven't decided exactly what to say or how to say it. Nor will I.
I prayed for guidance last night and will pray again before going on-stage. God (as I understand Him) shall speak through me so that I may carry my message to other alcoholics.
Thy will, not mine, be done.
Friday, July 22, 2005
I've gotten drunk in 31 countries. I have not travelled since becoming sober 22 months ago. If I travel anywhere else I haven't been, I'll get to begin a new legacy -- of being sober somewhere.
create your own visited country map
I found this link on Postcards From Hell's Kitchen.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
At the same time, I happen to pretty much agree that, as a country, we have to defend our freedoms. We've done so for 230 years. I hope we continue to do just that.
I hear and read so much negativism about the goings-on in Iraq. I accept that the reason that W gave us for going to Iraq was probably a lie, but I also believe that Iraq was a situation that had to be taken care of at some point. I think we let up on Afghanistan a bit early although we are still there and the fighting continues. Iran and North Korea pose probably greater threats that will have to be confronted in the future.
Here's my challenge to you --- if you'd been President on 9/11/01 --- what would YOU have done? What action(s) would YOU have taken? Would YOU have allowed terrorists to continue doing their thing unabated?
Would YOU have given Sadaam Hussein more freedom to develop WMD's while not allowing inspections / while cheating on sanctions and spending that illegally-gotten money on military buildup? / while committing mass murder not done by one human being since Adolf Hitler?
It's just that all I hear is negative instead of Americans getting behind their government and supporting it. Maybe that's the legacy of Vietnam. But this ain't no Vietnam. It's 100 times tougher because we don't always know who the enemy is. Or where he is. Or when and where he will attack.
What would YOU do?
I had been sober about 9 months when I completed working Step 9 with my sponsor. It was then, after gaining closure to past wrongs I had committed, that my life and my thinking rose to a higher level.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize tha God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us --- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS --- PAGES 83, 84
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."
This is in reference to those we have hurt in our past drinking years. There are innumerable ways we have hurt others; verbally, physically, financially, emotionally.
When I had made my amends, which is not just an apology, but a committment to make things right and not repeat those past behaviours, I was provided with CLOSURE. I had done all I could do at that time and cleaned up my side of the street. As long as I can keep that committment to keep it clean, things seem to go much better in my life.
The year is 1905. These are some of the U.S. statistics for the Year 1905:
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had no college education.Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:1. Pneumonia and influenza2. Tuberculosis3. Diarrhea4. Heart disease5. Stroke
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.
There were about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.
Monday, July 18, 2005
"It's not old behaviour if you're still doing it."
Well, that made sense. I could identify with that. Today, with 2 years of sobriety looming in the near future, I have changed a lot of old behaviours.
For instance, there's a couple of people at my home AA center that really push my buttons. In the old days, they would have pissed me off to no end. I would have either (a) fought back verbally and very loudly (b) totally ignored them at all costs or (c) avoided them at every chance.
How much have I changed? I tell both of them hello every time I see them. I try my very hardest to be nice. I don't have to engage in conversation with them or hang out with them. But I do feel responsible to show some respect for them. That's part of my program. I have to remember that they're trying to stay sober and recover too. I have to remember that we are all at different places in different mindsets. I have to remember that their day may not have been as good as mine.
My reaction to others has changed.
My thinking still has a long way to go.
Wispy clouds hover over the south end of Logan Airport. Ship traffic in the Charles and Mystic Rivers is marked by the wakes of the ships. And highly reflective construction locations, including the new I-93 and bridge over the Charles River, and highway exchanges at Logan Airport mark new elements of Boston’s Big Dig.
This photograph was taken October 20 , 2003 with a Kodak DCS760 digital camera equipped with an 800 mm lens and provided by Cynthia A. Evans (Lockheed Martin / Earth Observations Laboratory, Johnson Space Center).
Visit NASA's EARTH OBSERVATORY online.
The photos are out of this world.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY, Thought for the Day, July 17
Today's Quote ...
"In pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies in knowing when you have caught up."
Saturday, July 16, 2005
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
Friday, July 15, 2005
Hurricane Emily is still 4 days away from a North American landfall, but the Texas coast will be affected in one way or another. And if this one doesn't affect us, hurricane season goes on until October.
DON'T WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE TO MAKE PREPARATIONS!!!
Here is a website to help you prepare.
Here is the standard home disaster kit:
Water - at least 1 gallon daily per person for 3 to 7 days
Food - at least enough for 3 to 7 days— non-perishable packaged or canned food / juices— foods for infants or the elderly— snack foods— non-electric can opener— cooking tools / fuel— paper plates / plastic utensils
Blankets / Pillows, etc.
Clothing - seasonal / rain gear/ sturdy shoes
First Aid Kit / Medicines / Prescription Drugs
Special Items - for babies and the elderly
Toiletries / Hygiene items / Moisture wipes
Flashlight / Batteries
Radio - Battery operated and NOAA weather radio
Cash - Banks and ATMs may not be open or available for extended periods.
Toys, Books and Games
Important documents - in a waterproof container— insurance, medical records, bank account numbers, Social Security card, etc.
Tools - keep a set with you during the storm
Vehicle fuel tanks filled
Pet care items— proper identification / immunization records / medications— ample supply of food and water— a carrier or cage— muzzle and leash
In addition, I suggest purchasing a supply of tarpelins. They have many uses. Also, candles. They don't have these listed, but if you lose power, you're gonna need them.
I met Hayden on June 16, 2002 at a bar in Trinidad and Tobago. I was 48, he was 28. It was late at night as I had just arrived in TT from Houston. I was there (in Trinidad) to work.
We slept together from that first night. The following day, he more or less moved into my hotel room with me. Although I was working throughout each day, Hayden and I were able to spend a lot of time together, day and night. For some reason, he thought I drank too much, but didn't press the matter much.
We had been together about a week when I got jealous (one of my many, many character defects) and a verbal argument broke out. We were in the hotel room. I told him to pack his shit and leave. Just get out of my life. Of course, I had been drinking. Hayden grabbed me and threw me onto the bed, not-too-violently. He laid down next to me and said that he had to tell me something.
My mind began racing. All over the place. He was quiet for a few seconds, letting the somber moment take hold of me. I could not imagine what was coming, but I was as ready as I would ever be. For whatever he might have to tell me. Hayden looked me directly in the eyes and said,
"I was born a woman."
Now, ladies and gentleman, I've seen a lot and I've done a lot in my life. I'm no virgin and I've been around the block many times all over the world. I remember as clear as if it was 5 seconds ago, the first thought that went through my mind was that doctors can sure work some miracles these days. His private parts were perfection, surgery or not. I know that because I had been down there for the past week (enough said about that on this family blog).
After about 5 seconds, it finally hit me that he was joking. We both began laughing. We must have laughed for a solid minute. We laughed so hard that all the previous arguing was history.
Up to that episode, I knew Hayden was special, but I had no intention of anything more than a short affair. That's what I had always done. I didn't want a relationship or a commitment. That moment changed everything.
I was in love.
note --- we are no longer together. Hayden is back living in Trinidad, me in Houston. We talk infrequently on the phone and remain good friends. I have posted here before about Hayden being my Angel. He saved my life. Twice. Here's some more of our history.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Early on in recovery I heard someone use the term "passive arrogance." OMG!! I immediately identified with these words even before I heard what he had to say about them. Passive arrogance was me! My definition of that term is "I'm so good that I don't need to tell you how good I am. It's obvious."
It's one of many of my character defects that I ask God to remove if and when He knows it will allow me to better do His will.
But that has little to do with my subject today, folks.
Frankly, after 22 months of being sober, I am getting tired of sober alcoholics (not necessarily recovering alcoholics) who speak a really good game, but don't play by the rules they speak of.
For example ... a person in one of the groups I attend regularly lets us know every time he shares that his birthday is coming up. The other day he informed us that in 37 days he will celebrate his 20th sober birthday. That's wonderful for him and he has much to be grateful for. In the same breath, he told us that because he now has all that time under his belt, he cares about people. If he had been talking about himself only, fine. But his very obvious implication, by the way he said it, was that no person with less time could possibly care about others. I was offended.
I do care about others and always have. It may have been for selfish reasons, but I still cared. I'm a people pleaser. I always wanted people to like me.
This person also enjoys telling us how we should play the (his) game and what the rules are. He doesn't like straight people in a gay meeting but wants to be treated equally in life as a gay man. He doesn't approve of certain prayers said at the end of meetings, but throws his religion at us whenever he gets the chance (he's Jewish).
Ya know, he teaches me a very good lesson. I want nothing from him, other than to stay sober.
** I have other examples, but will save for the next time I feel like a rant. Or maybe even a rave. **
Julian Beever is an English artist who’s famous for his art on the pavement of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Beever gives to his drawing an anamorphose; his images are diforms which give a 3D image when viewing on the right angle …
see for yourself, it’s amazing !!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Afterwards, Sean said, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour and we will have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my prick in your right.”
Kylie looks perplexed, but agrees. After his half hour sleep, Sean awakes and they have even better sex. Kylie says, “That was wonderful.”
“Well,” says Sean, “If you let me sleep for an hour, we will have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right”
Kylie is used to the routine, so after his hour’s sleep, they have mind blowing sex. Once it’s all over and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks, “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right, stimulate you while you’re sleeping?”
“No, not at all” he says in his broad Scottish brogue. “The last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet!”
The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think somone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension -- that makes for more drinking."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS - page 73
I had read this a number of times before. Then, we read it again in a Big Book study yesterday and it finally registered with me.
It was sooooo me!
Damn! I'm grateful to be a sober person today.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
My first obsession (that I can remember) was cars. New cars, to be specific. When I was a kid in the 60's, I always wanted Dad to get a new car. He bought 3 new ones during the time I was in school. The last one, a 1968 Dodge Dart, had a vinyl roof.
In the 60's and 70's if your car didn't have a vinyl roof,
The ultimate vinyl roof.
I guess those tops were a fad; I just don't see them anymore.
To read more about vinyl roofs, click here.
Monday, July 11, 2005
"We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, PAGE 83
At nearly 2 years into my new life, I have the freedom from the obsession, the craving, the absolute powerlessness not to drink on a daily basis. I have the freedom offered by sobriety in that I can choose to do things during the course of my day that I did not have the choice of doing before. My days are no longer scheduled around my level of drunkeness.
I have a happiness that I've never experienced in my 51+ years. Admittedly, much of that happiness is because of the freedoms that I listed above. Just as important however, is the feeling of serenity within myself that I have every day. Some call it peace of mind. I know that when I can turn my day over to my higher power, the serenity that accompanies this fills my mind and soul. I feel that I can handle anything that may come my way. Without needing to run away or isolate. Without having to handle difficult situations by myself.
I know I am not unique in these feelings. Millions of recovering alcoholics before me have had the same experience. But they are new to me. My hope is that I can pass this feeling to anyone who wants it --- by my actions and my words. By doing this, it shall continue inside of me.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
I don't think this a a blog by the far-right, but who knows?
Make your voice heard.
UPDATE ... I wrote Blogger to inform them of this blog and to get their reaction. Here it is:
Thank you for your note. Blogger is a provider of content creation tools, not a mediator of that content. We allow our users to create blogs, but we don't make any claims about the content of these pages. In cases where contact information for the author is listed on the page, we recommend working directly with this person to have this information removed or changed.
Seems to me that this is the whole idea and philosophy behind recovery. When I cease to be a work-in-progress, I will find myself sitting on a barstool.
PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION !!
Never have and never will. It doesn't seem to be something that one picks up on through life's journies. Fortunately, there are other things that I can do, so it all balances out.
I bought a new desk; the kind that has to be assembled. I considered paying the store to send someone out to assemble it, but decided I would give it a try now that I'm sober. HAHAHAHAHA
Took it home and laid it all out on the floor.
The cats helped me read the directions.
I gave up and called Scott to please, please come do this for me.
I knew Scott could do it. He's got the patience and aptitude to handle these things.
It took him about 2 hours. And Scott even admitted it was a complicated assignment. But he got 'er done and had hardly any pieces left over.
And neither one of us, especially Scott, needed any alcohol to get this thing done.
(and yes, I bought him dinner)
"We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." Yeah, right. I made a phone call.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Bush pulled a Secret Service agent aside and pointing to the robed man asked him, "Doesn't that man look like Moses to you?"The Secret Service agent agreed. "Well," said the President, "Every time I say his name he just keeps staring straight ahead and refuses to speak. Watch!" Again the President yelled, "Moses!" and again the man stared ahead and didn't answer. The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back ..."Yes, I am Moses. However, the last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years wandering in the desert, and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East where there is no oil."
Friday, July 08, 2005
George Washington ....... father of our country, perseverance
Abraham Lincoln ....... assasination, Civil War, the end of slavery
Franklin D. Roosevelt ....... WWII, wheelchair
Harry Truman ....... the Bomb, down-home country boy
John F. Kennedy ....... youngest President, assasination
Lyndon B. Johnson ........ civil rights, Vietnam
Richard Nixon ........ China relations, Watergate, liar
Jimmy Carter ....... peanut farmer, good man, poor leader
Ronald Reagan ........ old, charismatic, orator
George Bush ....... Houstonian, Desert Storm, baseball fan
Bill Clinton ........ liar, good economy, trasher of Constitution
George W. Bush ....... misleader of the public, too far-right Christian, antigay
Looking at these, I am amazed that some of these guys were ever elected.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
There are people who can walk away from you. When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
Don't try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth
...LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents
... LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him ... LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship
....LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves ... LET IT GO!!!
For a recovering alcoholic, the ability to LET IT GO can mean the difference between life and death. It certainly can be the difference between being happy or continuing to be miserable.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I love puns.
Good puns. Bad puns. Any puns.
I found this site of puns courtesy of Bo at Dryblog.
Yesterday, I watched a few minutes of TV coverage of the missing girl in Aruba on FoxNews with Greta van Susteren, formerly of CNN. Having run out of juicy morsels and tidbits to actually report about, she decided to attack the Aruban government. Greta, having recently been elected as leader of the free world, knows best.
She complained that if Aruba did this and if Aruba did that (the way America does it), not only would the case be solved by now, but the media would not have to sensantionalize everything that is happening down there.
Well, it seems to this dumb Texas boy that Greta is the one who chooses to blow everything out of proportion to get TV ratings. As this case continues being investigated after 36 days, FoxNews has lessened its coverage to only about 10 hours per day.
Am I missing something here? Remember, so far, there is no proof that a crime has even been committed.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
"You Are Different, and That’s Bad"
"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"
"Dad’s New Wife, Robert"
"Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share"
"Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do Book"
"The Kid’s Guide to Hitchhiking"
"Bobby Was So Bad His Mom Stopped Loving Him"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"All Cats go to Hell"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly"
"That’s it, I’m Putting You up for Adoption"
"Grandpa Gets a Casket"
"The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way"
"You Were an Accident"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"Pop! Goes the Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"
"The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan"
"Your Nightmares Are Real"
"Where Would You Like to be Buried?"
"Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School"
"Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends? A See-for-Yourself Book"
Monday, July 04, 2005
Sunday, July 03, 2005
... I no longer need to drink alcohol
... I no longer resent others for my perceptions of them
... I no longer push friends out of my life
... I no longer plan my days around my alcohol consumption
... I no longer pass out at night in order to get some sleep
... I no longer ignore the wishes of others so that I can get fucked up to oblivion
... I no longer panic when a cop is in my rearview mirror
... I no longer expect others to be more than they are
... I no longer panic when there's less than a 6-pack in the fridge
... I no longer go 2 or 3 days without food consumption
... I no longer have to sleep it off during the afternoon, just so I can get started again
... I no longer have to lie to my friends or make excuses why I can't be somewhere
... I no longer have enexplainable bumps and bruises
... I no longer need to have someone else tell me what I did last night
... I no longer make unitelligible phone calls at odd hours (or any hours)
... I no longer cry because I'm depressed or lonely
There are more. I think you get the gist of why I feel INDEPENDENT today.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
It seems that about half of my regular readers are from Texas. I'm sure you guys will already know these things; for the rest of you, try to take this all in for future reference.
In Texas, the first municipal high school was established in Brenham in 1875.
Texas has 367 miles of coastline.
The film "Terms of Endearment" was filmed in the River Oaks section of Houston.
It is estimated that there were once 60,000,000 head of buffalo in Texas.
Ben Hogan was the first native Texan to win the British Open.
Billionaire Howard Hughes was born in Houston in 1905. He's buried there too.
Star Trek was created by El Paso native Gene Roddenberry.
It is 801 miles between the most northern and the most southern borders of Texas.
Texas ranks first nationally in the production of portland cement.
The sunniest city in the USA is El Paso, according to the National Weather Service.
Dean Martin had a hit recording with the title of "Houston".
Glen Campbell had a hit recording with the title of "Galveston".
Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders were trained in San Antonio.
In 1923, Dallas introduced the nation's first automatic traffic signals.
Halletsville hosts the annual South Texas Polka and Sausage Festival.
Sandra Day O'Connor was born in El Paso.
Don't say I never told ya.
Friday, July 01, 2005
He had not been to our gay recovery center before; he came from a different AA center here in Houston (straight - not that there's anything wrong with that).
He was extremely entertaining. He was down to earth. He was full of life. Maybe just a little rough around the edges, but I certainly could appreciate where he was coming from. His story of Experience, Strength and Hope was told in a way that kept me leaning forward, waiting for the next morsel.
We learned yesterday that Dan was killed last weekend in a motorcycle accident in Colorado. I am so very grateful that I (we) had the chance, the opportunity, to hear Dan's story before he was taken from us. I am also grateful that I decided to go to that meeting; I might otherwise have stayed home and watched my beloved Astros play on the TV. I am so grateful that I put sobriety the #1 priority in my life today. Without that, I would not have the chance to hear God's children share their message about living sober.
The man on the ground replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a sponsor," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man, "how did you know?"
"Well, " answered the balloonist, "Everything you told me is, I believe, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've probably delayed my trip."
The man below responded, "you must be a sponsee." "I am", replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect other people to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were before we met, but now, somehow, it's all my fault!"