Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The International



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm off to the International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous

seven years ago, if you had told me I'd be going to the above event, I would have never believed it

for a lovely noon meeting yesterday, full of recovery and laughter and visitors on their way to San Antonio

that I got to meet Steveroni and Anna

I am going to take my computer but probably won't blog. See ya Monday


Just do what you do best.
- Red Auerbach


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

just about time to go




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I have absolutely no desire to hang out at bars. It seems like so many of my "sober" friends are doing this. Many are relapsing. What part of step 1 didn't they understand? Why have they forgotten what it was like? From those who make it back, they seem to take it for granted that they can drink, then return at will to the rooms of AA. I guess they conveniently choose to ignore the majority who never make it back. Maybe they haven't gone to enough funerals. Yet. They provide me with plenty of reminders why I must never let up.

that 3 of us will pack into my car and head to San Antonio for the International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous tomorrow after a noon meeting and lunch/fellowship. The 3 of us are 26 years old, 56 years old (me) and 85 years old. Three distinct generations.

that I may get to meet with Steveroni and his better half today who are staying in Houston on their way to San Antonio

that I learned a little more about selling on eBay; my car did not reach my reserve price, so it's still mine

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and I could say, "I used everything that you gave me."
- Erma Bombeck



Monday, June 28, 2010

fixin' the step

men can fix anything!


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I do my best NOT to make blanket statements that includes other people. The TV announcer before the USA-Ghana soccer match on Saturday said that "this American team has become first-name friends with all Americans." What a bunch of rubbish and a very irresponsible thing to say on worldwide television. I also hear (way too often) people sharing in an AA meeting who include that all alcoholics do this or do that. Speak for yourself buddy. Not me.

that this rant is done (for now)

for a really busy weekend - sober!

that we crowned a new Ms Lambda Center Friday night in a fun-filled drag contest

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.
- Robert M. Pirsig

Sunday, June 27, 2010

I'm not religous, but ...

Part of the rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer........

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual reply from FHA):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual response):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus 's expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son
of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Friday, June 25, 2010

TGIF

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Click on the pix for closer detail. Or don't.








todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for signs that give me direction, but I have to pay attention

for a little deeper acceptance of life as a sober man

for the challenges that life throws at me; when taken in context, I see their value

for a busy weekend ahead

Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time wasted in disapproving of others.
~~ unknown


Thursday, June 24, 2010

Boundaries none





todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for my anxiety medication. I must have burned up all of my multi-tasking brain cells during my last few years of drinking. Today, I get easily overwhelmed when too many things are happening at once. This used to be my forte when I was working. I could wear many hats every day and handle it all. No more. The last 2 days have been so busy for me, I need a break. Nothing serious, but never a dull moment during my waking hours. Seems like I have many people trying to include me in their drama and I have a hard time saying no to their requests.

for boundaries. Wish I had some. LOL.

that NOW I know I should not have skipped my weekly Al Anon meeting last night. But I need the rest.

that the BIG EVENT begins in San Antonio one week from today


If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.
- Mario Andretti


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Now you see it ...

rust. under the black vinyl top.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


that I learned another good lesson yesterday. I had to humble myself and become honest. During a meeting in which the topic was honesty, I realized I was being less than honest in the description of the car I'm selling on eBay. It has a rust issue but I had purposely neglected to mention that. Obviously, the rust may well affect the value of the car as I try to sell it.
I admitted that I would want this information if I were buying the car and would feel cheated if the seller did not mention it. So, I had to come clean and when I got home, I amended the vehicle description, both in words and pictures.

that sometimes it's really tough to practice these principles in all my affairs, but it's worth it because I keep a clean mind

that I'm able to help others, even when I don't feel like it

The only difference between stumbling blocks and steppingstones is the way in which we use them.
- Unknown

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

post # 2,600

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

...
...
...
...
...
...
...


"Freeze a jolly good fellow"

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."


"Then they kick him in the ice hole!!!"




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I don't wake up any more wondering what time I get to start getting drunk

that, by the grace of my HP, I don't need beer in my fridge overnight - just in case

that as a result of working the steps with a sponsor, I feel accountable to him - constantly and consistently

that I'm listing one of my cars for sale on eBay. This is an interesting, first time experience.

Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle.
- Marilyn Monroe

Monday, June 21, 2010

balancing act



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


that today is the first day of summer, and the longest day of the year, AND my sister's birthday (she'll always be older than me HAHA)

for the small things in life that I remember to not take for granted

for some balance in my life

for the teachers I had in my 12 years of public school; I can look back and tell you that they were all very good at what they did

that I'm really enjoying the path I'm on

for Betty White -- unbelievable talent AND humility


Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Friday, June 18, 2010

This Too Shall Pass

I think you'll like this.






todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the things I'll get to experience sober today

for the concept of principles over personalities; I attended a meeting yesterday where this was the focus of discussion.

for enduring friendships because those are the people who stick by me


The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
- Kahlil Gibran

Thursday, June 17, 2010

a few little tidbits ...

PHONE REPAIR

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialled the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system'sground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signalling current when the number was called.

4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Thought you'd like to know.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a good night's sleep


for many different ways to learn, the least of which is to be teachable

that I don't always have to understand why people act the way they do, but it behooves me to know why I react the way I do

that I found myself watching America's Got Talent last night and actually enjoyed it!

Write the bad things that are done to you in sand, but write the good things that happen to you on a piece of marble.
- Arabic Proverb

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

... just along for the ride!




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

over the last 6 years (I've been sober almost 7) I've had probably 15-18 sponsees. I've never "fired" any of them. I almost did early on, but after talking to my sponsor about it, he convinced me not to do anything. He said the problem would take care of itself. And right he was. So nearly all of my sponsees have "fired" themselves. Most are no longer sober, as far as I know.

that I'm still sober even though I don't use my sponsor nearly as much as I did in the first 2 years. We still get together occasionally though.

that Hayden and I celebrate 8 years together today. We spent 3 years apart physically when I got sober and built my sober foundation. He went to school back home and finished his degree.

that just about everything happens for a reason that I rarely know at the time


The most damaging phrase in the language is: 'It's always been done that way.'
- Grace Murray Hopper

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Step Twelve "Having had a spiritual awakening ...

as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

I had a spiritual awakening as the result of the first 3 steps AND because I had no where else to turn AND because I had become honest, open-minded and willing to change. Ever so slowly.

Service. Carry the message. So many ways. An infinite number of ways to carry the message. From attending meetings, being a sponsee and sponsor, chairing meetings, preparing rooms for AA meetings and cleaning them, joining in the fellowship before and after meetings, making phone calls. To name just a few.

Practice these principles. Whew! What an order! Learning how to live sober (and in recovery) every minute of every day will take a lifetime. Life is dynamic. Things change, often daily. Responding and reacting to life as it happens in a spiritual manner has become my goal.

Soon, I'll write a little bit on the principles (as I understand them).
This stuff -- recovery -- never stops. I hope.
Thank God.


today i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I act as a sort of backup chairperson if/when the regular chair doesn't show up at the 6:30am meeting. This happens a lot.

that I hand out business cards (made especially for AA meetings) to newcomers. My card has my photo on it so that person can put a face to the name. I like this.

that I know how important it is for me to stay in the center of my program. If I were to ride on the edge, the centrifugal force would toss me out.


Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.
- Harlan Miller

Monday, June 14, 2010

Step Eleven "Sought through prayer ...

and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

It took me a lot of conscious practice just to get in the habit of a nightly prayer. I resisted this for half a century. But once I could do it every night (it took about 2 weeks for the habit to form) it became something I don't feel complete without doing. Learning to pray/meditate in the morning was more difficult. But today, at almost 7 years sober, I have formed the habit of a short prayer within the first few minutes of awakening. I simply ask for guidance in being the best I can be -- for today.

I'm not one to pray multiple times during the day, although yesterday could have used some additional prayer time.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm open to just about any suggestion

that Regina told her story of experience, strength and hope

that I was able to restart my day several times yesterday. It was just one of those days for me. I have had very, very few of these since I got sober, but there can be exceptions.

for the years I spent living in many countries. I hear so many people who think that the good old USA is the only place on this planet that can do anything right. People I respect, but who are simply ignorant of the richness of the different cultures of this world.


A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.
- James Dent

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Friday, June 11, 2010

Step Ten "Continued to take personal inventory ...

and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

The first of the maintenance steps. I work at this constantly. At least I do when I'm spiritually fit.

The literature on this step is astounding. The 12/12 tells me that "it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." Noooooooooo!!
It says that "justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it." But, but ...
I learn about "restraint of tongue and pen." Whoa!! Who knew?

Along with the occasional sincere attempt to become what I could be, I pray every day to just do the next right thing. The way I figure it, if I always do the next right thing, I'll be the best person I can be. Right?

In theory this should work. But I am an alcoholic with a self-will that can run riot at times. Granted, it's not as often and usually not as severe as the good old days, but the potential is still there. It still happens.

Enter. Step 10.
Every day.
Every hour.
Constantly.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for my passion about recovery and so many ways to participate in it

that my friend Lloyd was not seriously injured when a driver fell asleep and hit him head-on

for air bags

that I got up at 3:30 this morning, so I could pray & meditate, write this post and go to the gym before my 6:30 meeting

that my Astros are finally starting to pull out of a 2-month skid

for reruns of Seinfeld, Two and a Half Men and Cheers.

the greatest sporting event in the world begins today in South Africa. See the official song below.

If you really do put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
~~ unknown


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Step Nine "Made direct amends ...

to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

My sponsor (bless his heart) crossed off most of the people on my Step 8 list. He left me with just 3 people to whom I needed to make a direct amends. These were both of my parents and my life-partner. Two would have to be in writing and the amends to my mom would be fact-to-face. As I said, yesterday, I was ready.

He (my sponsor) insisted that he see my written amends before I sent them in case they needed some editing. They did. He reminded me to keep it simple and to the point.

We talked about what I would say to mom. As it turned out, I had a lifetime of neglect and short-tempered outbursts to make amends for. The best I could offer her would be as a living amends to change those behaviors. But I still had to ask her how I could make things right. What would be her suggestions?

When all was said and done, the results were magnificent. My amends were well received by those I loved. Now, a few years down the road, this step changed my life. And made the lives better for those I loved. I was able to be the primary caretaker for my mother during her last 3 years on this planet as she slowly died from a major stroke. I was her attentive son, at her eside when I could be. I never missed seeing her because I was sitting an a bar - drunk.
I am still with my partner. His request to me to not treat him abusively any more is always on my mind. Sometimes, I relapse to my old ways, but those times are a little less each year. I have Step 10 at my disposal when necessary. Next week, we celebrate our 8th year together.

I love Step 9 (in case you couldn't tell).



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for commitment to my recovery design for living

that my friend Marcos shared his story of experience, strength and hope yesterday

that I had the honor to listen to another fifth step yesterday; I'll get to hear another one next week, I think


Then give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you.
- Madeline Bridges

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Step Eight "Made a list ...

of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

Making the list was easy. I just referred to my fourth step and thought a little harder and maybe added a couple of more names. Many people have businesses and institutions to put on their list, but this was not my experience.

Becoming willing to make amends. Well, first my sponsor made sure that I knew the AA definition of amends. He said it was not an apology. Had nothing to do with apologizing. He said I'd probably done that enough times already during my lifetime. No. He said an amends is (1) making right a wrong (2) an assurance that I will change my future behavior.

Well, that would make for quite a challenge. But I was supposed to become willing to do this thing. Was I ready to go to any lengths to stay sober? Yep.
Before long, I was ready.


todAay i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I continue to attempt to live up to the amends I made to my partner. I relapse into old behavior at times and I'm always quickly aware of it. Thank God for Step 10.

that I'll probably never know of some of the people to whom I could have made an amends to

that the Peruvian authorites have Joran van der Sloot in custody and I really hope he never sees the light of day again (I rarely comment on news issues here, but this guy is a real monster)


You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.
- Chinese Proverb

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Step Seven

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

The literature tells me that the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of the steps. Bill W. defines humility as a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be.
I ask for this every morning in my attempt at an early conscious contact with my HP.

If I am practicing Step 6 as suggested and then forget or just don't practice this step, I've done little to improve myself. Character building is imperative if I am to grow spiritually. This doesn't seem to happen by osmosis or by inaction. And I can't seem to do it by myself.
I need my HP, AA and you guys to show me and guide me and remind me.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a really good discussion meeting about Step 6 on the same morning I blog-posted about Step 6.

for Step 3 and the chance to use it throughout my day - every day

that my HP puts people in front of me who can use my listening ears; it often requires me to put my compassion to work, but I always learn something, both about others and myself


You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

Monday, June 07, 2010

Step Six "Were entirely ready ...

...to have God remove all these defects of character."

During my first year of being sober, I heard somone with many years relate the following...
"It's been my observation that just about everyone I know who has relapsed has done so as a result of NOT working Step 6."
Well, that was just what I needed to hear! In other words, my defects will take me out. It's that simple.

The hard part (for me) is becoming ready and staying willing to have all these defects removed. It really is a daily challenge. I do my best. I'm not perfect; none of us are.
Awareness. Willingness.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a drama-less weekend and that means s-e-r-e-n-i-t-y for me!

that Troy B. shared his AA story Saturday night

that I went to a baseball game with a sponsee who was celebrating 2 years of continuous sobriety -- my our Astros won 6-3


If you find in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
- Maya Angelou

Sunday, June 06, 2010

I wanna Canadian.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


Your adoring fan.


James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum,
Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

Saturday, June 05, 2010

**WARNING** This may be offensive.

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK.

HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR; SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND A SLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM.

THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOOD-STAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE.

SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT. ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED. BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS, I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

Friday, June 04, 2010

Step Five "Admitted to God,

to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."


This was pretty easy for me when I first did it with my sponsor. I had a couple of sordid tales to tell and I told them. Talking through my 4th step highlighted the patterns of resentment of my life. We talked about those and how they can be largely prevented in the future.

The fallout from this step is that I feel comfortable (usually) talking to my sponsor about most matters. He doesn't judge me (as far as I can tell). He offers advice if I need it but always offers support. Another unsuspected benefit from an honest and thorough 5th step is that I always, always feel accountable to him. Many of my actions/behaviors are guided by the fact that I know I might have to relate them to my sponsor later on. It's like he's always looking over my shoulder.
I love this stuff!!


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for those who suit up and show up

for honesty, open-mindedness and willingness (H.O.W.)

that I get to participate in 3 AA meetings today, one of which will be in my backyard

for the many years of laughs given by Rue McClanahan

that Betty White is still going strong and may enter the NYC and Boston marathons while running for president


I have a 'Play The Melody' philosophy. It means don't over-arrange, don't make life difficult. Just play the melody and do it the simplest way possible.
- Jackie Gleason

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Step Four "Made a searching ...

and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."


Contrary to what I hear from so many people, I had no hesitancy or fear in doing this step. I was about 6 months sober when I wrote my inventory. I must have done a pretty thorough job if it because very few situations or people have since popped into my mind that should have been included. When guiding others through this step, I try to emphasize that some positive attributes must be included. It's so easy to focus on the negative aspects of this disease and ignore that we are humans beings with something to offer.

The great lesson I got from Step 4 was that resentments were a pattern of my thinking. I saw that I must look at or find out what my part is in every situation. I am responsible for my actions and reactions. By doing this constantly, I can avoid having resentments against and myself. Everything that happens is a lesson -- both good and bad, but nevertheless, a lesson. Indeed.

Then, I was ready to tell my sponsor about my life. Things I hadn't mentioned to anyone. Or at least, no one person knew all the stuff about me because I had kept my life compartmentalized.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that a friend told his story of addiction and recovery yesterday; I continue to be amazed how similar my thinking is to people who are so different from me

for the volunteer work I still get involved with

for greater balance in my activities than when I was newly sober

that today is my partner's birthday. Unfortunately, he's travelling today and will be gone for several weeks.


The less I give away of what I have, the less that people want what I have.
~~ me

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Step Three "Made a decision ...

to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

Once I had an inkling of a concept of a higher power (God), it turned out that I had an entity to surrender to. So by the time I hit my alcoholic bottom (September 4, 2003) I could turn over my drinking to that higher power -- surrender. I did these things just by attending meetings. Until that date, I had NO desire to ever stop drinking. I certainly didn't have a sponsor. Why should I? I wasn't gonna stop drinking. But, it happened.

Over the past 6+ years, I have come to rely on Step 3 throughout each day. By letting go I am happy. Serene. I no longer need to control the world and what a great relief that is! Whenever I am troubled, it almost always boils down to not practicing this concept.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the end of the chapter, "The Family Afterward" of the Big Book.
... First Things First
... Live and Let Live
... Easy Does It

that I hear so many helpful hints and suggestions at an AA meeting

for air conditioning

for my cats - I haven't mentioned them in a while.


The wishbone will never replace the backbone.
- Will Henry


Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Step Two "Came to believe ...

that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."


It took a little while.
I ignored anything to do with church/religion since I was a teenager. Any mention of "GOD" sent me running or at least covering my ears. I was afraid something yucky might rub off on me. During the summer of 2003, sitting through dozens of meetings and occasionally listening to the experience of others who felt (or had felt) the same as me finally began to make some headway. I was not aware of that at the time though. But it was slowly working on me. Those last 3 months of drinking AND going to AA meetings coincided to transform my thinking and my attitude. By the end of August 2003, I was ready to accept that a power greater than myself might be able to help me (as if I needed help! HA!).

I had no clue about any insanity due to drinking. But I did think I was having a mental breakdown. But it had nothing to do with drinking. No way. No how.



todAAy i AAM grAAteful & thAAnkful

that we had some visitors at the 6:30am meeting yesterday

for the annual Memorial Day picnic sponsored by Lambda Center - great fellowship!

that I went to an Astros game yesterday. We had a lot of sober fun, but the game was terrible (for an Astros fan).


Most of us spend our lives as if we have another one in the bank.
- Ben Irwin