Monday, January 07, 2013

not just another Monday

today I am grateful and thankful

for the 3,514 posts I've had on this blog since December, 2004.  For now, I'm done.  I have just lost interest in keeping this thing going.

I appreciate the loyalty of a number of people who have been here for any period of time.  I won't mention any names because it's not necessary. 

Be good.  Stay sober.

The only difference between try and triumph is a little umph.

Sunday, January 06, 2013

A bit about character defects

One of the greatest challenges in ongoing sobriety is to repeatedly confront the same character defects over and over again.  Or, more accurately, the consequences of those same character defects -- especially if you have really tried to address them via the tools offered in Alcoholics Anonymous.

It has been my experience (my painful, embarrassing, experience, actually) whenever I am in that place again, that my real problem is twofold:
The first is that I am looking at the result and not the process.  In other words, it is easy to want to have money in the bank, but where I need to ask for HP's help is in spending differently.  It is easy to want to get to work on time, but the focus should be on the willingness to go to sleep at a decent hour and get up at a realistic time to actually get ready and go.  It's easy to want a different body, it's hard to be willing to eat differently or become disciplined about exercise.

My character defect is really not in the result, i.e. the bank balance, the tardiness or the numbers on the scale ... my character defect is to be found somewhere in the process.

The second thing -- and somehow I have found that although, logically, it doesn't appear related to the above, it actually is in powerful and unfathomable ways (cue spooky music) -- if I'm applying the principles and ideas from the 12 Steps to these things, the main point of the 7th Step (which, for the new kids, is "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.") is about humility -- not the shortcomings.  Not the defects. 


I need a constant reminder of this, since, in certain areas I keep trying to make it about the problem, and not about a spiritual solution -- which I reach via humility.
Frankly, on some days it seems like this whole thing would be a lot easier if we could just scrap this "humility" thing altogether.

But apparently, some people have tried that.
From what I understand, they can be found down at the bar.
~~ author unknown

Saturday, January 05, 2013

Friday, January 04, 2013

making adjustments

today I AAm grateful & thankful

for course corrections, when necessary.
I have been having trouble writing this post in the mornings.  I usually get up about 4:30am but lately it's been more like about 5am.  After feeding the cats and making coffee, I go outside and pray and meditate in my Jacuzzi.  Every day, unless the rain is coming down too hard.  That's rare.  Then I sit down and write on this blog and on Facebook.  Along with some reading too.  There's also a shower and shave to deal with.  Then I leave by 5:50am so I can open the recovery center and make coffee before the 6:30am meeting. 
I shall now be writing my blog posts at night, but posting them in the morning, as always.
If you don't approve, please call your sponsor.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

not much today

today I AAm grateful & thankful

for a little bit of maturity, mixed with a little bit of common sense. 

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

mish mash

today I AAm grateful & thankful

that I've recently been reminded (more than once) that I should not expect to be rewarded just for being sober.  Sometimes, it may happen a dnd it's nice when it does, but it's just not something I should expect.  (see below)

expectations = resentments

for new friendships.  On one hand, I love the way so many people come into Lambda Center (the recovery center I attend daily).  On the other hand, it's a real shame when I no longer see the people that I've grown accustomed to seeing and knowing.

that I had some local driving to do yesterday and there was almost NO traffic!

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013


today I AAm grateful & thankful

for the chances I have today (and you have too) to make 2013 as good or as bad as I want.   The more effort I put into my life of recovery, the better it tends to be.
for the progress I've made in recovery, so far
that Step 12 seems to be the main focus in my life these days.  I really make a conscious effort to be a good example to people who are new to the AA program.  This often prevents me from making the mistake of following my natural instincts (self-will run riot).

Let our New Year's resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.
Goran Persson

Monday, December 31, 2012

The year in review ...


Sunday, December 30, 2012

How an Old Timer Greets a Newcomer

His name is Bill. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans, and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for the past four years of life.  He is brilliant.  Kind of profound and very, very bright.  He became a alcoholic while attending college. Things have
only gone down hill since.

Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative A.A. club. They want to develop a meeting for the students but are not sure how to go about it.

One day Bill decides to go there. He walks in with no shoes, jeans, his T-shirt, and wild hair.  The meeting has already started and so Bill starts looking around the room for a seat.

The room is completely packed and he can't find a seat. By now, the well dressed people are really looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one says anything.

Bill gets closer and closer and closer to the front of the room, and when he realizes there are no seats, he just squats down right on the carpet.

By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is thick.  About this time, the evening's speaker realizes that from way at the back of the meeting, an "old timer" is slowly making his way toward Bill.

Now the "old timer" is in his eighties, and has silver-gray hair, and a three-piece suit. A spiritual man, very elegant, very dignified, very courtly. He walks with a cane and, as he starts walking toward this boy everyone is saying to themselves that you can't blame him for what he's going to do.

How can you expect a man of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor?

It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy.
The meeting is utterly silent except for the clicking of the old man's cane. All eyes are focused on him.  You can't even hear anyone breathing. The speaker can't even continue the meeting until the "old timer" does what he has to do.
And now they see this elderly man drop his cane on the floor. With great difficulty, he lowers himself and sits down next to Bill and welcomes him so he doesn't feel outcast and alone.  Everyone chokes up with emotion.

When the speaker gains control, he says,

"What I'm about to say, you will never remember.
What you have just seen, you will never forget."
"Be careful how you live. You may be the only Big Book some people will ever read".

Friday, December 28, 2012


I didn't get around to posting this morning and only now just realized it.
All is well, all is good.
And for that, I am grateful.