A memorable anniversary

Momma cat Hayley with her 7 kitten litter September 1, 2003.

These are the 2 kittens I kept. They are 4 years old in this picture. Today, they are 6 years old.



todAAy i AAM grAAteful & thAAnkful


6 years ago today, I was waking up from one of my worst ever drunk nights. After more than 12,000 days and nights of drinking, I was done. Later in the day, I found out about my atrocious behavior from the day before. I came close to being robbed and possibly murdered by a street hustler and remembered absolutely nothing about it.
I now know that I had hit my bottom. I can think of no better words to use than incomprehensible demorilzation. I will do anything to never feel that way again. But I am stubborn. I drank again that day and the next 3 days. It wasn't until September 4th at a noon AA meeting that I had my psychic change, my spiritual awakening.

that I know my experience can benefit others

for my personal best on the elliptical (cardio) machine yesterday -- 1 hour!!
-- for someone who smoked 3 packs/day for 36 years and now has Peripheral Artery Disease, that's an accomplishment I didn't think I could do


What you do may seem insignificant, but it's important that you do it.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Hump Day

first
picture
taken
on
Mars


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for expanding awareness of me

that I'm in this thing (sobriety & AA) for the long run

that when I stood at the turning point, I didn't lay down and die

that I am having breakfast with my sponsor this morning after my morning treadmill session; then I'm off to visit my Mom in the hospital

for the new topic on SOBRIETY SOCIETY

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
- unknown

The Day Before

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I am often vulnerable to sneak attacks of love and tolerance from people like you

that our GLBT Houston Roundup begins tomorrow afternoon
(click HERE for details)

that everytime I pass a business where there are people outside smoking, I am soooooooooooo happy to be free of that noose around my neck

for some really intense workouts with my trainer this week

that all the plumbing fixtures are now installed in bathroom #2
(shower, toilet and sink)

that Hayden and I spend quality time on the phone virtually every day, 2500 miles apart

that I have a very economical international telephone service LOL

When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.
-Elie Wiesel

Brotherly Love ...

is the eighth principle behind the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I try my best not to make the steps any more difficult than necessary (for me). At this point, I am simply making a list of persons harmed during my lifetime. Most if not all of these people have already appeared on my 4th step. Additionally, it's time to become ready to make amends to such people. This may take a little more time, but my willingness to practice love for them AND myself is paramount.
Until I can attain this level of willingness, my progress in recovery may well be stifled.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I stopped digging my alcoholic hole just in time

for some insight into how I keep contact with my HP

that we had an interesting meeting about Easy Does It

that I have been pampering myself this week; staying sober and enjoying recovery, a manicure and pedicure, a 2-hour massage, a new and stronger workout program with my trainer

that I have only spent 1 night in a hospital -- when I was 5 years old and had my tonsils removed

There are two kinds of people: those who do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.
-Indira Gandhi

Courage ...

is the principle behind the fourth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous.

When I wrote my 4th step initially, it took some soul-searching to look back over the years and remember a few situations and people whom I had conveniently forgotten.

As I trudge the road of happy destiny, Courage is often required. Learning to live sober requires me to do things I have never done. With a little bit of courage, I get to experience a new life as a sober man.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a newcomer to the 6:30am Eyes Wide Shut meeting yesterday

that I can make some painful admissions to my therapist; he gives me good advice but I often do not have the Courage to carry it out; actually, more often, I just forget LOL

to read Katia's new recovery blog, Seeking the Cranberry.
Drop by and pay her a visit when you have the opportunity.

that I have a personal trainer that keeps me on a workout program even when I am too tired, or don't have the intestinal fortitude to keep on goin'

that there's been a load of comprisin' on the road to my horizon

y'all have a great weekend, please

In pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies in knowing when you have caught up.
-R.H. Grenville

the thirteenth

On our recent visit to London, we stopped in at Westminster Abbey. Normal tourist visiting hours were done for the day, but we were allowed to sit in on a non-Catholic service.
It is one of the most amazing places I have ever had the opportunity to be.
Simply breathtaking.
Without the simply.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for my most comprehensive and difficult and thus, rewarding, workout yet

for Step 3

for the good stuff that happens when I let go and the good stuff that happens when I don't try to stay in control of everything

that Hayden made it home safely

for soups and salads and a place called Souper Salad

for all of the things that Houston has to offer; do any of you actually know what Houston has to offer? HUH? ~~~Click here~~~

for the silliness of Pam @ Sobriety is Exhausting -- pay her a visit when you can

Hearing is one of the body's five senses. But listening is an art.
-Frank Tyger

Another personal triumph

It first began 2 years ago. I was walking in downtown Houston when my calves suddenly tightened up on me. I could barely walk. Instinctively, I knew to stop and rest; a minute later I resumed and my legs were much better.

That was the first time.

It got worse. As the months passed, I noticed the pain more often. A 5-minute walk would produce sore legs. Going up and down stairs would lockup my calves. The pain could be excruciating, but a short rest would make it go away. Until the next episode. I knew it should be checked out by a doctor, but I had no insurance and decided to just live with it. So I walked less; that was my treatment. I'm an alcoholic with alcoholic thinking.

Then, about a year ago, I saw a commercial (public service announcement) on TV which described my ailment perfectly. They called it Peripheral Artery Disease (click for more info). It was akin to artery blockage around the heart, except it affects the limbs instead. Not good. So, I decided it was finally time to get a health insurance policy. I did a lot of research and made that purchase. Then I went to visit a real doctor for a professional diagnosis. My suspicions were correct and I asked the doctor about treatment. She told me PAD was caused by smoking (I smoked 3 packs/day for the past 36 years). She said my ailment could be cured by stopping smoking and getting proper exercise. Failure to do so could have tragic consequences. I had no intention of stopping smoking. So I joined a gym and went a few times for some leg work on the eliptical (bicycle-type exercise) but did not take it seriously. My legs just got worse.

Fast forward to last October when I finally decided to stop smoking. yeaaaaa!!! Then I put on a quick 25 pounds. This was my motivation to get some exercise. I got a bicycle. I wrote to you guys about this, just a couple or three months ago. It didn't seem to help my legs, but I enjoyed riding. Then, finally, Hayden talked me into hiring a personal trainer and committing to regular workouts at the gym. This would enable me to lose the extra 2 inches I had put around my waist. I hate the extra weight and size as much as the leg problems.

So at the beginning of June (a month ago) I began working out with my new trainer. (I'll admit that he's certainly a pleasure to look at.) Each workout was proceeded by a warmup session which included time on the treadmill. At first, I could only go 5 or 6 minutes before my calves would lock up. I set a goal of adding 1 minute to each session. This seemed to be working and I could sense some tangible improvement. By the start of last week, I was up to 12 mintues. Not much to most of you, but huge to me. Then, on Wednesday, my goal was to make 13 minutes. But my legs felt just fine at 13 minutes and I stopped at 15 minutes so I could get on with my other exercise. Friday was the same; no pain in the legs. Yesterday, the same. I stopped at 20 mintues but could have gone on indefinitely.

I have a lower extremity stress test scheduled later in July as part of my physical exam that has not been completed. But as I sit here and type this, I am pretty damn sure that my artery disease in my legs is cured. Stop smoking. Get exercise. That's the medication.

Just another miracle in a continuing series.