Did I say awareness?

todAAy I AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for time spent with friends

that I don't live on a derseted island. I used to wish I did at times, when I wanted to isolate. I had to learn how NOT to isolate. With that knowledge, I was rewarded with a new freedom.

for the people who trust me enough to share their life with me

for awareness, awareness and awareness


Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- Swedish Proverb

the way it is .......

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a wonderful experience this weekend. We had a fundraiser at Lambda Center and my homegroup (6:30am AA meeting Eyes Wide Shut) participated with an entry. Each entry (team) had to build a small Mardi Gras-type float using a grocery store shopping cart as the chassis. We spent about a month planning and buying materials and costumes and putting it all together. Our entry won the competition by raising the most money (from the crowd).
Winning is nice, but the fellowship and teamwork we had was incredible. I can't include pictures because of anonymity issues, but trust me, the float and the costumes were out of this world!!

that Step 3 has really been in my face lately (that's a good thing, a real good thing)

for the awareness that most of my troubles are of my own making (damnit!)

that even though I'm staying very occupied, I am still fighting the tempatation to isolate. Not sure why.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

I Identify

men can fix anything!




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I got to hear a wonderful speaker Saturday night - Cheryl L., whom I've only met briefly a couple of times at the 6:30am meeting. I asked her if we could share stories over breakfast soon as I would really like to get to know her better.
Cheryl spoke about being an alcoholic before she ever had her first drink. I identified with that.
Cheryl spoke about knowing at an early age that she was different. I identified with that.
Cheryl spoke about isolating amongst her peers during her growing up years. I identifed with that.
Cheryl spoke about that obsession to start drinking every morning, work be damned. I really identified with that.
... and on and on and on.

that I really feel like participating in my program. Is that called passion?



It takes a real storm in the average person's life to make him realize how much worrying he has done over the squalls.
- Unknown

I approve this message

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for all the people I meet in recovery; their stories and their solutions to life situations never cease to amaze me

that I do my best not to participate in negativity these days

that I registered for the Hot 'n Dry AA Roundup in Palm Springs for next September. I have not (yet) been to a Roundup other than our very own here in Houston.

that a post of TAB made me realize that my isolation and depression issues have been greatly reduced since I began exercising regularly last summer

for the increase in political activism this year; I believe it may be the most positive legacy of President W.

Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great.
-Cher

Adversity

todAAy i AM grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a good night's sleep and waking up with a clear head and a prayer

that the time I used to spend getting drunk is much more productive these days

for some awareness of the things I need to do in order to make friends in sobriety; being a shy, introverted loner with a tendency to isolate, making friends is one of the hardest missions for me to imagine

for those who are willing to put themselves out there, regardless of how unpopular it may make them

for those times when I get into action


Adversity introduces a man to himself.
-Anonymous

a long way to go

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I woke up sober and with no hangover this morning

that my martyrdom and isolationism may soon pass (feelings and behaviors I seem to experience occasionally)

that I am not long-winded when I talk in public

that I'm still able to make new memories each day

that I've learned to keep many of my "observations" to myself; especially when they are less-than flattering

Electile Dysfunction:
The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.

Words, and more words

(click the pic

for greater detail)


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that acceptance is the key to all of my problems; it's great having a solution!

that I didn't have time to isolate all weekend, much to my chagrin

that we had another successful Talent Show fundraiser @ Lambda Center, making about $2200 in an hour

that Hurricane Dean looks like it will miss us here in Houston

for the new topic on SOBRIETY SOCIETY; click and comment

that I have a KIT and a KABOODLE

Be loyal to what you love, be true to the earth, fight your enemies with passion and laughter.
-Edward Abbey

being accountable

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for moderation, in all its forms

that my sponsor's mother is finally in a better place; she died yesterday after a long battle with cancer

for the concept of living amends and the ways I can use it every day, when I choose to do so

that I can catch myself beginning some dangerous thinking and pretty much stop it OR as Barney Fife once said, "Nip it in the bud." This is one way I go into isolation. One errant or bad thought, then my brain takes that and magnifies that thought.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gratitude Memorial

on this Memorial Day, i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my life is much better than I often think it is

for the wonderful celebration of sober anniversaries on Saturday Night @ Lambda Center -- there were 29 celebrants with 311 years of sobriety

for a great meeting about that "jumping off place" led by Boston

that I although I spent the weekend by myself wishing that I were not by myself, I was able to look at it objectively, knowing thatThis Too Shall Pass.
My thinking disease tells me that no one wants me around, so I am not able to call anyone or ask anyone to even join me for coffee. It really sucks sometimes. Phone calls from Hayden can be a tremendous help. A second AA meeting (on a Sunday) helped too. I usually just go to one.

that my sponsor is OK -- he was out of town and wasn't answering his cell phone nor returning my messages. I got a little worried because that is definitely not like him. Turned out he had left his phone on top of his car while loading stuff inside, then forgot about it and drove off. Of course,the phone fell off. He then remembered it in time to look back and watch it get run over by an 18-wheeler (UK = lorry). LOL

for the lifetime sharing of talent from actor, comedian, Tony-award winner and game show regular CHARLES NELSON REILLY, who has died at 76. CLICK for details.

People are like stained glass windows:they sparkle and shine when the sun's out,but when the darkness sets in,their true beauty is revealedonly if there is light within.
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Isolation

The weather in Houston this past weekend was incredibly beautiful. I think they call it "Chamber of Commerce" weather. I took advantage of it the best I could, but would have loved to have been able to enjoy it more. I don't know how many more of these days I have left and can't afford to waste any. My HP does not want that either, I'm sure.

For me, it was a weekend of feeling unwanted. I made many attempts to put myself out there, but it just didn't work. I asked to be included in some volleyball action only to be told the wrong location and when I called 6 people to get new directions, got only voicemails. Not one of those people (in recovery) have called back yet. Later in the evening it became clear that our regular Saturday pre-AA meeting dinner was not going to happen because the regular participants were busy with their lives. I called someone else and was told (politely) that I was not welcome to join his group for dinner. So much for fellowship. So I ate a fast-food hamburger by myself.

I had Sunday plans to go watch softball with another friend. He called at the last minute to let me know he was going to the beach with other friends. There wasn't room for me to tag along. I would liked to have gone to eat with someone, but after being burned the previous night, was in fear of asking anyone. I ate at Hickory Hollow BBQ; by myself. And I spent much of the the day alone until Zane called and invited me to go look at new houses with him. He was a tremendous help in relieving me of the pain I was feeling. Thanks Zane.

It was the first time I have isolated since January. I guess I can be grateful for that because I used to isolate as often as not. Something was different this time. I was completely aware of my feelings and spoke to my HP many times over the weekend about the crap going on in my head. I continually asked myself "what is different now than yesterday or last week?" There was no good answer, which led me to believe that it was simply my illness taking charge. I knew it would pass.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I did not drink or feel the need to act out in other negative ways over the weekend AND that those feelings of being an unwanted nuisance have passed

for some occasional bouts of sanity

for words of hope from Hayden

for tears of gratitude in AA meetings

to hear Tom Z's short version of his life at the SNL meeting

for the good times and laughter at our little Lambda fundraiser, The Gaylywed Game

that Mary Christine completed the half-marathon just as she wanted to do it. The following phrase is there for you, MC ...

Winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers don't like to do.
-Albert Gray

Looking @ Life

Last Saturday, I went to an Astros baseball game. I took this picture from my seat.

It was the first time at any baseball game since 1971 (age 17) that I didn't smoke a cigarette. That would total at least 2000 games. It was like seeing baseball through a new pair of glasses (I just had to say that!).

Today marks 6 months since I became a non-smoker after 36 years of smoking 3 packs/day. It's been very easy. Thanks again to Allen Carr, who wrote "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking."


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for some good AA sharing regarding fear; I think fear is the basis of almost all of man's actions and thoughts; probably some women too

that I have managed to reduce my incidents of isolating by as much as 90% since I began therapy with a professional

that I attended a 40th birthday party of a wonderful friend

that Scott W experiences the same feelings that I do in some social situations

that there are many parts of my personality that will never change no matter how much I may want them to and I am OK with that

for my daily conversations with Hayden in Trinidad

that TNT knows drama

God brings men into deep waters not to drown them, but to cleanse them. -Aughey