Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Presence & Presents

While clearing out my Mom's home, I found thousands of old photographs. One of them was rolled up. When I unrolled it, here was a four-foot long section of photographic paper with 6 pictures of my sister, taken when she was about 3 or 4 years old. She was born in 1952.
I asked my Mom about it and she doesn't remember it. Neither my sister nor I have ever seen it before. She still hasn't. But she will soon, on her birthday in June. I have framed it and will present it to her in a couple of weeks.

I adjusted the color & saturation level

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I finalized purchasing health insurance yesterday - a HUGE step for this guy

that JP nominated me to chair the Tuesday 12:15pm meeting for June

that I have so many things to do this week I am having to keep notes to myself

for a nice coffee and chat with Jessie Y. on my balcony

see ya; I'm off to visit Mom!

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
-Maya Angelou

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Isn't it ironic that just 2 weeks before Memorial Day, millions of military veterans had their personal financial information stolen and sold to the highest illegal bidder when a mid-level VA employee had his laptop computer stolen from his home?

Back to work (oh yeah, I'm retired)

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the first-timer at the noon meeting yesterday and all the poignant words that he probably won't remember

for the quick return to an AA meeting of a friend who relapsed over the weekend

for an assignment from my sponsor that is making me dust off my thinker

for people in recovery who have the Courage to reach out and ask for help

for those who step up to the plate (except for Barry Bonds)

that I am finally going to get health and medical insurance (it's been over 3 years without any)

for the much-needed rain we had yesterday

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
-Will Rogers

The Human Brain

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, " $5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains because they've actually been used."

Monday, May 29, 2006

Gratitude Memorial

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that Mom got the opportunity to visit her former home Saturday for the last time before it sells later this week

for her neighbors who came to say hello to her (they've been friends since the 1940's)

for all the recovering alcoholics who celebrated May birthdays at Lambda on Saturday -- 28 people with a total of 254 years of sobriety -- they provide so much inspiration to me

that sponsee's increase the quality of my recovery ten-fold

that my sponsor knows what I need when I need it and when I do what he asks I get it (English translation coming soon)

that when I go to a meeting when I'd rather stay home is when I hear something I really need to hear (funny how that works)

that I've never spent a full day in jail

for the new topic on SOBRIETY SOCIETY. Stop by for a visit and a share. You'll be glad you did. I Promise.

for all of the soldiers who have given so much, so many times, so that we can sit here in comfort

Hot Dogs for Homophobes

Afraid what the neighbors may think?
HERE'S the solution.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

My Mom, the pack rat

As I've mentioned a number of times the past few months, I am selling my Mom's home. She is now living in a nursing home and receiving skilled nursing daily. She lived at that house for 43 years, since 1962 when she and my dad designed the home with the help of an architect.

Mom is a pack rat. Of the highest order. If something non-edible went into that house, it rarely came out of it. I found bills from the '60's and '70's filed away. Bank statements that have not seen the light of day in 30 years. Hundreds of prescription bottles bagged up and stored away. Empty bottles, of course. Calendars from the 80's. I could go on and on and on.

Here's a couple of pretty neat items I had not seen in years.

Revere model 85
8mm film projector
circa 1956

I checked it out on eBay and it would only sell today for about $100. I used this projector extensively as a teenager making home movies. Our family vacations were played over and over on this old thing. The camera quit working years ago.

1954 model Electrolux vaccum cleaner

eBay says only about $20.
Oh well.

But it still works.
Today's vacuums might last 10 years if I'm lucky.

Amazing stuff.

Twelve Priests

12 Priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that if flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward and bent over to pick it up. Then all the other bells began to ring.

Saturday, May 27, 2006


Socks and Friends

have a cup of coffee

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

All the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself, adds no quality to the coffee in most cases, just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups . . . and then began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups . . . enjoy your coffee.

Friday, May 26, 2006

a busy week continues

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I finally (finally, I tell you) have everything (almost) cleared out of my Mom's house after hiring a private firm to pick up the remainder of my nephew's trash that he left

that I stopped counting at 11, the used syringes that I found laying around his part of the house AND that I didn't get stuck by one of them (as has happened before)

that Ken Lay has such a strong belief in God (as he understands Him) because he will need a friend where he's going

that tomorrow is birthday night at Lambda Center with 24 people celebrating and I have made most of the preparations early because of time constraints today and tomorrow

that I finally got over to my sponsor's new home to check it out

that yesterday was the last day of school for one of my sponsee's (a teacher) who celebrates 4 months sobriety on Saturday

for the special little AA meeting that a few of us have continued on Friday mornings; it originated just over a year ago at the home of a friend who was incapacitated and although he is long recovered now, 6 of us still meet each week at 10am for a meeting before the noon meeting

for kind words from travelling Scott (Sober Nuggets)

for the 18 months I read OneGayAtATime, who retired from blogging this week

that I was finally able to fix my list at the bottom of my sidebar; if any of you need help to fix yours, let me know

that I can be a bit irreverant because it's my blog -- scroll down to the post below

Don't worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.
-Robert Fulghum



Thursday, May 25, 2006

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

When I'm able to listen, really listen, I am able to learn.

hear what others say
click here

Road Trips

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that virtually every morning I seem to be busy, every day of the week. Remember now, I'm retired.

that I surprised my Mom yesterday morning with an unannounced visit. She wants to go see her empty home, so I will take her on Saturday. We close on the sale (hopefully) in 8 days.

that I have always had an excellent sense of timing and promptness. It worked well yesterday when I arrived at the airport/passenger pick-up door to get a friend just as he walked out of the baggage area. Neither of us had any waiting time.

I've always been a people watcher (speaking of airports)

for a chat with a friend whose recent experience reminded me that a sponsor should never be a taxi, banker or hotel to a sponsee

Service is the rent you pay for room on this planet.
-Shirley Chisholm

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Comfort Zone

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I actually made a couple of "program" calls yesterday - a very rare thing for me to do

for a meeting on anonymity; I discussed this blog and our recovery community and how it may relate to Tradition 11

that I feel a little more comfortable today than yesterday while trying to deal with an uncomfortable situation; practicing Step 3 can really be difficult at times, but I don't give up

that hanging around an AA clubhouse is more entertaining than any reality TV show

With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding and severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
- Jay Leno

Global Milk

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Texas Hold 'Em

I am grateful that a drunk like me was fortunate enough to live until I arrived in Alcoholics Anonymous.
Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 493

... so simple, so true

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my wandering mind has returned to a decent neighborhood

for loyalty to the people I love and the things in which I believe

for the years I worked offshore where I learned a lot of life's lessons

for a reminder that no matter what city or what country I am in, my alcoholism follows

for lunch yesterday at Lankford's (voted the best burger in Houston) with 5 other hungry alkies

that my cats still put up with me

that I've never been a good poker player, thus avoiding another obsession/addiction

Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well.
-Josh Billings

getting nailed

Monday, May 22, 2006

Character Reference

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that a small adjustment to my Mom's anti-depression meds 3 weeks ago really seem to have helped

that I did not wake up with a hangover this morning after a night of not drinking

for a super busy weekend which kept me out of a bad neighborhood (do I really have to say it?)

for the few hours I spent answering Intergroup phones (I was an hour late Saturday morning - 7:15am instead of 6am - but apparently no harm done)

for the fundraiser at Lambda Center that raised about $2700 in one hour

for a sponsee who is able to be honest with me

that I always did what I said I was going to do, except when I was drinking

that I am a day-er at a time-er (words invented and inspired by a fellow Anonymous Alcoholic-er)

for phone and internet chat with Hayden in Trinidad last night

for a new topic on SOBRIETY SOCIETY

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, and only character endures.
-Horace Greeley

King Kong

more cool cans

Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Gift

"When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being. He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered."

I think back to the day of my own awakening and these words really take on some meaning. It was a moment when 33 years of craving and obsessing alcohol was lifted from me. It was no longer an absolute necessity for me to get drunk. I could then channel and focus on a more spiritual life. Slowly at first. To be honest, slowly now, but I am able to make a little progress through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Cats & Dogs

Saturday, May 20, 2006


I enjoy meeting other bloggers. If for no other reason than just to put a face to all the things I've learned about that person through their words. Earlier this week, Scott of Sober Nuggets was here in Houston attending a work-related seminar.

In the picture, that's him on the left. On the right is Scott W. of Attitude of Gratitude. We were at Starbuck's (a small coffee shop, in case you've never heard of it).

Scott W. and I met up with out-of-town Scott and made plans to meet up with lex-sunshine the next evening at her home group. Of course, we also traded phone numbers. But Scott didn't show up that night for the meeting and we haven't heard from Scott (yet). I was disappointed that our plans didn't work out, but I understand that things happen unexpectedly and can easily deal with that.

What I don't understand (yet) is why we have not heard from him. He hasn't replied to voice mails or emails. I'm concerned as is Scott W. Me, I'm a worrier. But I've learned a few things in recovery. One of those things is not to project. Take the action (phone calls, emails). Leave the outcome to my Higher Power.

Another thing I've learned is that MORE SHALL BE REVEALED.

** MORE HAS BEEN REVEALED -- (1 pm, Saturday) Scott called me at 10:30am and apologized for not contacting me earlier. Actually, he left a voice mail Wednesday, but I never received it. Anyway, we met about 30 minutes later at Lambda Center for an AA meeting. Then he's off to visit friends before heading back home.

World's Smallest Man

Friday, May 19, 2006

Finding my way ...

No matter what happens today, I'll try not to lose my head about it.

I'll try to remember that I can find my way to restart my day.
(first, I think I'll get a haircut)

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for more experience at using the tools of my AA program

for my sponsee's who help keep me honest and vigilant

that I didn't pop open a Busch Light at 7am today; instead, I was at an AA meeting

for my Friday 10am G.O.D. (group of drunks) meeting

for a weekend ahead full of recovery activities

that I depend less and less on other people to make me happy

At 5 years, you get your brains back.
At 10 years, you learn how to use them.
At 15 years, you realize you didn't need them in the first place.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

I wish I could remember this advice.

I'm All I Think About

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I got a small problem worked out with one of Mom's bank accounts

to hear an AA story yesterday that was told in a different way than usual

that Scott W and I went to an AA meeting that we have never attended so we could meet up with lex-sunshine (pictured at right; can you guess who is who?) This is an undoctored photo; Scott posted the same photo but photoshopped it; check out the difference

see ya, off to visit Mom

Self-centeredness is a casualty of spiritual growth.
Denial Is Not a River In Egypt

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Police chases

Last year, there were officially 676 police chases in the Houston metropolitan area. These resulted in 34 fatalities and hundreds more injuries. There are many arguments about whether these chases are justified or not. I won't get into that. The bottom line (for me) is that citizens who choose to run from the police and choose to put the general public at unnecessary risk DO NOT DESERVE TO HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE. Their car should be impounded and sold at auction. They should serve a minimum jail sentence, the length of which would vary depending on prior history and the damage and injuries caused during the chase. That jail term might be 6 months; it might be 10 years; it might be life.
More often than not, these criminals are only charged with evading arrest. The 17 red lights they ignored, the 4 cars they hit and ran away from, the excessive speeds they drove and the cars they ran off the roads -- are all forgotten about.
In a majority of cases, drugs and/or alcohol are involved. What a surprise.
A driver's license is a privilege, not a right. Unless and until the consequences of their actions have some real bite, these chases will continue to increase, putting us all at more and more risk.

** reminder that we have a new topic of the week at Sobriety Society

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm doing the best I can

that Scott W and I got to meet up with Scott (Sober Nuggets) @ Starbuck's here in Houston

for new faces at AA meetings

for old faces at AA meetings

that by the age of 18, I realized that black mollies (speed) would probably not be the way to live my life, so I stopped using them

for the handful of times I tried cocaine and did not like it at all

that since getting sober, I have not yet found the need to intentionally make hurtful or insensitive comments to other people

The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.
-Emily Dickinson

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Checks and Unbalanced

I have not written anything about Sunday and Mother's Day. That's because my sister and I didn't meet with her until yesterday, due to some logistical problems. But I picked Mom up at the nursing home Monday morning and drove her to my sister's home about 15 miles away in the country.
We had a very nice and peaceful visit and Mom enjoyed it, I'm sure. My sister just got Mom's furniture moved in last week and had it all in place and lookin' good. Mom was quite moved by this. During the months I've been clearing out Mom's old home, I found thousands of photographs taken over the past 80+ years. I framed and gave one to my sister yesterday. It was a professionally taken photo of Mom & Dad holding their 6-month old daughter, back in 1952. My sister had never seen it before and Mom didn't remember it either.
I really enjoyed the smiles on their faces when I presented it.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my sister and I got to spend another Mother's Day with our Mother

that Mom's Long-Term Disability Insurance is finally sending reimbursement checks

that I still have a few wits about me - I'm at least a half-wit

that I have been given a lesson about pushing my program of recovery on others (I'll write more about this later)

that I can do good things even when I'm isolating (still, damnit)

that Pat recently posted again

for unseasonably cool weather here for a few days

Worry is a misuse of the imagination.
-Dan Zadra

Space Shuttle

cool cans 5

more tin can art

Monday, May 15, 2006


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that today is Mother's Day for my Mom as my sister and I will be spending time with her

for personal growth that comes from accepting challenges

for lots of fellowship over the weekend, although I wasn't a person anyone wanted to be around

that I can go through a lot of negative emotions and come out sober

that this guy celebrated an important first year anniversary yesterday

that I got to watch a great Astros game yesterday, sitting a few rows behind home plate

What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it—would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have.
-Ralph Marston

Strawberry Surprise

strawberry delight

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Evolution of Dance

Put on your dancing shoes. CLICK HERE


Sometimes, I hate fessin' up to y'all. I'd much rather write something sweet and pretty and make you think and say, "Wow! That dAAve has got this recovery thing down pat. He does everything by the book. The Big Book." Well, pardner, it just ain't that way all the time. And if I don't talk about it, well, that would be like, well, like old behavior.

The truth is, the past few days I've been fighting off my worst defect, isolation. The difference this time is that I've been doing it in public instead of sitting at home.

Once again, as has been the case so often during my lifetime, I wonder why anyone would want to have me around. I have no life; I'm no fun to be with; I can't bring anything positive to a group of people, so I should just leave all of you alone and stay out of the way.

Being sober and having a few tools, I know what I am supposed to do when I have these feelings. Pray to my HP to do His will, not mine. Relieve me of the bondage of self. Talk to my sponsor about it. [dAAve to self, "He's heard this so many times already, he'll tell me again what I need to do. Besides, I just don't want to bother him about it again."] And I don't want to bother anybody else either. Why would I? That would just play into the way I feel about having no life and being no fun to be around.

OK. I've prayed. A lot. I have not talked to my sponsor about it. [bad boy, dAAve] What I have done is put myself out there. I've been staying especially busy trying to do service work and being amongst the fellowship of other drunks in recovery. But I am a professional isolator and can be by myself in a crowd just as easily as when I'm home alone. But if I have learned nothing else during my time in recovery, it is that as long as I continue practicing the steps and using my tools ...

This too shall pass.

UPDATE: About 20 minutes after posting this, my sponsor called me (at 7:10am on a Sunday). I fessed up and he told me what I needed to hear. It works when you work it.


cool cans 7

Saturday, May 13, 2006


Back in my travelling days, when I was based out of southern England, I made my way to Edinburgh, Scotland. It was late autumn and the cold was beginning to set in. I had spent a few days in Manchester, then went by bus to Edinburgh via Glasgow.

I wasn't really prepared for the cold temperatures. It was freezing when I took these pictures. I remember shaking, but that may have been due to my own, personal case of the DT's. Being a professional drinker, I was able to find a bar that opened early enough to suit my taste - at 9am. Things warmed up soon afterward. One of the unfortunate results of my constant drinking is that I rarely treated myself to very many cultural events. There are many festivals during the warmer months. Click here for more details.

It's a beautiful city with much history. The people are extremely friendly (as almost everywhere).

If you ever have the opportunity to get there, visit Edinburgh.

But go in the summer.

Proof ...

Women are complicated

Proof that women are more complicated than men.
(unless you have a better caption)

Friday, May 12, 2006

Recovery Directory Project

Some of you in recovery may want to check out this site. I have added my blog and linked their site from my sidebar. I have mine listed under recovery web community then blogs.

It's just another way to find other recovery links and for others to find us.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my Mom was very attentive again yesterday -- whooppee!!

that tomorrow I won't have a hangover if I stay sober today

to see friends go through life's tough challenges and come out sober and sometimes happy

that I finally stopped by a Toyota dealership to take care of a small repair item for my car - it took all of 1 minute to fix the problem; I was prepared to wait for an hour -- I just knew it would take an hour! I had been putting it off for 2 months or more.

for coffee with Jessie - a long-time, non-alcoholic friend who is a wannabee alkie just so he can experience recovery LOL

for some actual springtime weather - it's really sweet!

Denial Is Not a River in Egypt.

Laughing Babies

Thursday, May 11, 2006

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy


worn close
to my heart
over my

a gift from J.J.

CLICK HERE to visit the HNT website, if you have the stomach

The Trouble Tree

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.

On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. "Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again." "Funny thing is," he smiled," when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."

(thanks to Jessie for sending me this story)

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I usually hear what I need to hear at meetings and can leave the rest

for coffee @ Starbuck's with a new friend during which we saw/talked to at least 4 other people in recovery

that I got to hear a story of honesty, humility and humor at the noon speaker meeting

for confirmation that the winner of our Miss Lambda Contest will ride in a Lambda Center float in the Gay Pride Parade next month


Wednesday, May 10, 2006


I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet, so somber?
Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He, "they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you."

Judge NOT.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for more progress made at my Mom's house

that I've always had a crazy ability to be out of the house and on the road within 5 minutes of waking up in the morning -- I had to do this yesterday when I overslept

for the knowledge that I can lead an AA meeting at 6:30am, 20 minutes after waking up and before my first cup of coffee

that I rarely back myself into a corner, but I know that my HP will be there with me if I do


-- "My Mind Is Out To Get Me"

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

here's Maxine again

Maxine the bitch

Balls of Clay

A man was exploring caves by the seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him.

As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could. He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock. Inside was a beautiful, precious stone! Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.

Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!

It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it. We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person. There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth. May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them.

(sorry about that title) LOL

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for every person my HP has ever put into my life; they were all there for a reason

for a newcomer at a meeting yesterday; someone chronologically older than me, if you can believe that!

to hear someone in denial after 20 years exposure to AA and 2 weeks sobriety -- this makes me grateful that I can be honest with myself

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
-Henry Ward Beecher

Monday, May 08, 2006


moderation (n) -- within reasonable limits; not excessive or extreme

I had to look up the meaning of that word in the dictionary because I certainly don't have a clue what it's about. People. Places. Things. Rarely in my life have I done anything in moderation that I enjoy.
Example: I have been blogging for 18 months, or about 540 days. This is my 1000th post.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for meeting up with my sister at Mom's nursing home yesterday

that Mom seemed attentive again, for the second time in a row

that we'll finish moving the furniture out of her home tomorrow

for the things I learn about AA through my service as a GSR

that what and who I am today is what remains after 52 years of experiences

for all the things I take for granted

that today, I have reasons, not excuses

I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we're not wise enough to see it.
- Oprah Winfrey

Victoria's Secret

Victoria's Secret

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Maintaining Your Insanity

















Saturday, May 06, 2006

Bed For Sale

I am trying to sell a bed frame I recently purchased. I ordered it over the Internet - it was a bit of an impulse buy. Now that it's arrived, I realize that it doesn't go with any of my other oak furniture.

I can't send it back because it was made to order. The bed frame is 100% hand carved and imported from India. The mattress is orthopedic, brand new, and hasn't been slept on.

I thought I would give you first dibs, but if you know of anyone else who might be interested please forward this, as I'd like to sell it ASAP.

I haven't named a price yet, but if you're interested let me know and we'll work something out.

Setting Him Free

I had never heard the term of "taking people hostage" as we refer and relate to it in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Not until I began going to the meetings.

Of course, I didn't like that term. Because I realized that's exactly what I had been doing all my life. I've told you before about my experience with Hayden. Click here and here for a refresher.

It's been 30 months since we've seen each other. December '03. He moved back to Trinidad. He is still in my thoughts each and every day. I can't help that. He just appears with no warning at some of the most unusual times. After making my amends to him at 10 months into my sobriety, I began my recovery. Step 9 of A.A.'s Twelve Steps changed my life. It allowed me to begin a new life.

I've had to let Hayden go. I've had to let him live his own life. We still speak on the phone and even chat on Yahoo instant messaging ocassionally. I sometimes fantasize that one day we'll be back together and live happily ever after. Yeah, right. LOL That will never happen. I want the best for him and he is carving his own life in a land far, far away. For that I am grateful.

As much as it hurts (it still does at times), I had to set him free.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Cinco de May Gratitude

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that Mom was in an attentive mood yesterday for my visit; with her depression, she often just lays in bed and closes her eyes whilst I am there

for the picture on the right >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

that alcohol no longer manages my life

<<<<< for the picture on the left

for the great rain we had yesterday

for models who have their pictures taken when wet

that I'll have 3 AA meetings under my belt by 1:15pm today

for all my hispanic friends, many of whom have done illegal acts (just like me)

My Mind Is Out to Get Me (Hazelden)

Cars, Trucks and Automobiles

I got my drivers license on my 16th birthday (1970). That first year, I drove my Mom's car whenever I could steal the keys pretty much, whenever I wanted to. It was a 1970 Mercury Capri. I only had 2 accidents in that car that first year. We also had a '69 Firebird..
I just had one little fender-bender in that one
When I was 17, my Dad bought me a used '66 Chevelle SuperSport. A 2-door coupe. Fast car. Neat car. Other cars I've had (in the order I've had them) ...

1956 Plymouth (had this for 2 days before I cracked the block1969 Chevy Nova 2-door (very very basic)
1965 Buick Wildcat 4-door hardtop (fancy car, blew the engine after 2 months)
1974 Chevy Malibu 2-door coupe
1979 Chevy Malibu 2-door coupe
1965 Lincoln Continental (a plaything for bar-hopping)
1985 Chevy Celebrity 4-door
1988 Ford Bronco II
1993 Ford Thunderbird
1997 Ford Mustang
1999 Ford F-150 pickup
1994 Ford F-150 pickup
2005 Toyota RAV4

I wonder what's next.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

getting a much needed massage

kudo's to scott w for the photoshop job

see the original photo and visit more "touched" people at the HNT website

More Consequences

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'll do a quick visit to see my Mom this morning after which I meet with a sponsee before the 12:15p AA meeting

that I was able to toss away my pride and ego yesterday so that I could continue to make progress in my recovery -- it's not always easy, but it sure is worth it

that there is someone in my life who is willing to listen to my shit without slapping me

that I got to hear the AA story of a good friend who recently celebrated 30 years of sobriety - there were 2 other members present with over 30 years, so we almost had a senior's basketball team

that scott will soon be visiting Houston and we may have a Dinner & a Meeting For Bloggers; we being myself, scott w and lex-sunshine

Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.
-Charles M. Schultz

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Working it

"I kept asking myself, "Why can't the twelve steps work to release depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer ... "it's better to comfort than to be comforted". Here was the formula, all right, but why didn't it work? Suddenly, I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been dependence, almost absolute dependence, on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression.
There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away."
Bill Wilson, Grapevine, 1953

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that it's so much easier to recognize when I'm "out of sorts" with myself than it used to be

that I have some tools to deal with my feelings and they work WHEN I'M WILLING TO USE THEM!

that once again, my HP inserted someone into my day just when I needed it and for all the right reasons

a friend in the hospital is OK after sudden and unexpected surgery

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
-Richard Bach

Spelling 101

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid.

Cna yuo raed tihs? i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Inventory continues

"Few people have been more victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our resentments were justified or not. A burst of temper could spoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely."

todAAy i AAm grAAteful thAAt i hAAve not

had nor wanted to have an alcoholic drink in 2 years, 7 months, 27 days

had a major resentment since I made my amends according to Step 9 of Alcoholics Anonymous

lost my passion for staying sober and enjoying recovery

acted on some of my thoughts that I've had the past 2+ years

stopped practicing Steps 6 & 7 every night for the past 2+ years

Heroism consists in hanging on one minute longer.
-Norwegian proverb

Gaydar NOT

I realized I was gay at about age 19. I'd had a number of homosexuist experiences, but thought that was what most guys did. (on reflection, maybe I was right)

But unless I am at a gay bar or otherwise gay-related function or event, I have a really difficult time telling who is gay and who is not. In fact, that distinction rarely enters my mind. My thinking tends to believe that everyone is str8 unless they do something to make me think differently.

When I met Hayden (my last EX) we were in a straight bar in Trinidad. I thought he was gorgeous and was immediately attracted to him. But he was there with a girl and I had no reason to think he was anything other than a heterosexuist. Fortunately, I found out differently later that night. That same theme has been with me all my life.

I just don't know who is and who isn't.
How 'bout you?

Monday, May 01, 2006


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my sister and I met up at Mom's place and got to enjoy each other's company over a late lunch

for Chicken Fried Steak

that I got to see some good friends receive AA birthday medallions Saturday night

that when I was ready to jump off the tightrope of insanity, there was a net in place

that I can steal quotes from A&E's Intervention

for remembering the days of shaking so much I could not write until I had 2 or 3 beers down; when I had to write checks to pay bills, I had to write them in the morning before I got too fucked up, so I would drink those beers just so I could write. Then I would get nothing done the rest of the day because I would just keep drinking.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
-Thomas A. Edison

Oh, those smart Canadians

Due to the global war on terrorism, many terrorist organizations have had their finances frozen. Consequently, they have resorted to counterfeiting.
The Canadians have decided to redesign their currency to prevent the radical Islamists from even touching it!
It is also hoped that this will have a positive effect on tourism:

canadian dollar