My Own Personal Angel

I had been drinking alcoholically for 31 years. Like a 3-decade binge. It was part of me; it defined me as a person. I am also obsessive-compulsive. I am also a loner, independent, self-reliant. Also very successful at work.

With that background, here's what happened.

I was sent to Trinidad & Tobago to work on a project in 2002. Small country in the far-southeastern Caribbean, close to Venezuela. I had been there once before in 1989 for 2 months and loved it. I'd always wanted to return. Now I did.

The first night there, I went to my favourite bar, The Pelican Pub. Before I left that night, I had met a wonderful guy. We seemed to connect and ended up sleeping together. He moved in with me from that night (into my hotel room). I was in T&T for only 2 weeks but somehow fell in love with him in that short period of time. I had NEVER felt this way before.

I had to leave T&T for a week, but returned for 2 more weeks. He moved in with me again as soon as I got back. The relationship flourished, as much as one can in a short time span.

Soon, I had to go to Morocco for work. A month later, I came to Houston and flew "him" to Houston to meet me. I could only stay for 2 weeks but "he" (Hayden) stayed behind, living in my home. During our short time together, Hayden mentioned several times that I needed to do something about my drinking. He told me about watching his uncle die of this disease and he could not stand to watch me do the same. I sluffed it off, paid him little attention. Didn't he know who I am? I'm an alcoholic, I drink! That's what I do. Get over it.

I left the country again for work. I came back after getting laid off a few months later. So now I could really drink. Soon, within 3 months, my drinking was getting out of control. So was my verbal abuse. Towards the only guy I'd ever fallen in love with. And I could not stop either from happening. Not that I didn't try. I tried stopping drinking; that lasted almost a whole day. I tried modifying my drinking. That lasted a few days. Three more months passed and I was drinking up to 18 hours a day and crying most of those hours because Hayden didn't want to be around me. The more I ran him away, the more I drank.

Finally, he said he was going to tell my mother to have me hospitalized. I begged him not to get her involved. She has enough on her 81 year-old plate. So we made a deal - that I would go to an AA meeting.

I did. And I enjoyed it. I had NO intention of stopping drinking, but did enjoy the meetings. It was a gay recovery center and I met many others who had the same problems I did, but they were sober.

For 3 more months, I continued the meetings, going to the bar after my daily AA meeting and drinking to oblivion. Things got worse at home. He left me. I cried and I cried. I cried by myself at home, at my bar, at AA meetings. I just didn't want to stop drinking. I had a fear of stopping.

August 31, 2002 -- Sunday afternoon -- at my apartment complex, they were having a Labor Day Bar-B-Que at the pool. I'd been drinking all day. I brought home a hustler from a sleeze bar. I almost immediately passed out in the living room recliner. Soon, Hayden came by to get some clothes and walked in on the hustler going through my closets packing up my clothes. He confronted the hustler and took away the small firearm the guy had. With the help of a couple of neighbors, they ran the guy off. Apparently, the guy intended to kill me so as not to leave a witness. Little did he know that my blackout would have kept me from ever identifying him.

Three days later, I asked God to help me. At that moment, I had my Spiritual Awakening. I have had NO desire for alcohol since.

I realize now that it took me falling in love in order to do something about my drinking. If it had been anyone else intervening, I would have paid no attention. God put Hayden in my life for that reason. To save it.

Hayden is my Angel. He literally saved my life twice. First, getting me to agree to go to AA meetings. Second, from being murdered in my own apartment while passed out.

I owe my very life to my Angel.

Thanks for reminding me, Marvin.