Defects?

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm a little less

arrogant
controlling
angry
self righteous
hypocritical
petty
vain
punishing
intolerant
verbally abusive
defiant
selfish
critical
stubborn
manipulative
lustful

than I used to be.



The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
- William James

a different slant

There. It's fixed.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


for another gentle reminder that I'm not getting any younger; intellectually of course, I know this. But sometimes I need physical evidence and usually my HP is more than willing to provide that evidence. Damnit.

that we read Bill's Story yesterday morning. A timeless piece of writing. If you have not read it in the past, let's say 6 months, pick up your book and read it again. It's even better if you read outloud in a group of more than one. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don'tworryboutit.

that awareness of my flaws really cuts down on my denial of them

for my sponsee who get it. I am working with some guys who are willing to do whatever it takes and it's a real pleasure to know them and watch them.


The key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness. - Dalai Lama

Character defects

One of the greatest challenges in ongoing sobriety is to repeatedly confront the same character defects over and over again. Or, more accurately, the consequences of those same character defects -- especially if you have really tried to address them via the tools offered in Alcoholics Anonymous.
It has been my experience (my painful, embarrassing, experience, actually) whenever I am in that place again, that my real problem is twofold:
The first is that I am looking at the result and not the process. In other words, it is easy to want to have money in the bank, but where I need to ask for HP's help is in spending differently. It is easy to want to get to work on time, but the focus should be on the willingness to go to sleep at a decent hour and get up at a realistic time to actually get ready and go. It's easy to want a different body, it's hard to be willing to eat differently or become disciplined about exercise.
My character defect is really not in the result, i.e. the bank balance, the tardiness or the numbers on the scale ... my character defect is to be found somewhere in the process.
The second thing -- and somehow I have found that although, logically, it doesn't appear related to the above, it actually is in powerful and unfathomable ways (cue spooky music) -- if I'm applying the principles and ideas from the 12 Steps to these things, the main point of the 7th Step (which, for the new kids, is "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.") is about humility -- not the shortcomings. Not the defects.
Humility.
I need a constant reminder of this, since, in certain areas I keep trying to make it about the problem, and not about a spiritual solution -- which I reach via humility.
Frankly, on some days it seems like this whole thing would be a lot easier if we could just scrap this "humility" thing altogether.

But apparently, some people have tried that.

From what I understand, they can be found down at the bar.

NOTE: I did not write this. It's much too well-written and thought out for me to take credit.

"as is"

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for Step 6 and the willingness to be "entirely ready" to let go of a few of my character defects

for ALL the people in my life - those who I feel close to and those to whom my instincts teel me to stay away from

for calmness, being contented and serenity

that Hayden made it home in one piece


To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

Step 7

I'll post some great! photos of Halloween pumpkins this weekend. Drop by and see 'em.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for those days when I remember to actively practice Steps 6 & 7. We read and discussed Step 7 yesterday. Here's a few of my favorite parts ......

... the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. for without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all.

... never was there enough of what we thought we wanted

... we never thought of making honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living.

... The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear, primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded.

the quote below. My kind of humor.

In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground.
- Douglas Adams

tidbits

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I get to hear so much wisdom on a daily basis

for Step 6 - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

that when I'm "entirely ready" my life seems to run a lot smoother

for having the proper attitude -- it allows many good things to happen


A good life isn't measured in material goods. There is no quicker path to misery than coveting your neighbors' stuff.
~~ anonymous

rocky road

Do you see the road? Nice view, huh?


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm aware of so many more of my character defects -- mostly, these things went unnoticed during my drinking years

that there are ways to deal with those defects; I just have to be willing

for Maggie. A very cute, 1-year old brown Labrador Retriever that a friend just adopted from the SPCA this week. She's so damn cute!

that I have always been interested in sports -- my likes and dislike have changed over the years, but I am still a fan of most sports

Whatever you do, do with kindness.
Whatever you say, say with kindness.
Wherever you go, radiate kindness.
~ unknown

no phoning it in

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


that I'm present in my life

for all the good things in my life, which is just about everything

that I have a program to handle life's difficulties and don't have to drink to escape them

that my index of maladjustments is there for me to practice daily if I don't remember to ask my HP to remove them


When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
- Thomas Jefferson

No Smoking on this blog

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I experience the freedom and happiness that comes from surrender -- every day

for Step 6 and those moments that I am entirely willing to give up any particular defect of character; this is big because that plays a big part in why I haven't started drinking or smoking again

for the intelligent order of the Twelve Steps and the ways in which they are all connected; this has become clearer as I continue in recovery

for my attitude (usually)


The world was made round so that we would never be able to see too far down the road.
- Isak Dinesen

Step Ten

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

how the practice of Step 10 of Alcoholics Anonymous allows me to ...
... continue working my program throughout each day
... keep my side of the street clean
... monitor my behavior and actions
... prevent getting resentments
... prevent giving resentments
... stay aware of my character assets and defects

What can you add to this list?


We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. - Anais Nin

F the 13th

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the not-so-hidden messages in Step 7 of Alcoholics Anonymous -- "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."

... we now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others, and upon God.

... the chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear -- primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded.

... Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration.

It tells us that we need to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings. If I can find the same degree of humility that enabled me to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession (my drinking) could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem I (we) could possibly have.

What an order! But I can go through with it.

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.
- John Quincy Adams

it's another Wednesday

too funny ...




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that things are going so smoothly in my life right now, there's not much to spur my gratitude over an individual event or situation. I'm just working on some of my less damaging character defects, trying not to practice them over and over and over. Mixed results.

I continue to work my program as I've done the past few years. Why change it if it's working?

However, I know the importance of improving my conscious contact with my HP, so that never stops or remains dormant.

On another note ... I want to offer my gratitude to all veterans of the U.S. military forces. Without them, we would not be free to do the things we do.

Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.
- Ann Landers

no longer a shivering denizen

Please don't be offended.

It's all in fun.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm no longer a shivering or shaking denizen

for laughter LOL

that I have been spared many of the hardships common to many alcoholics

for laughter hehehe

that I got my soul back after losing it; all I had to do was stop drinking

for laughter ho ho ho

for the opportunity to build my character without many of my instinctual defects

for laughter hahaha

that I went with friends to see "This Is It" last night. I was very impressed with the movie. It was put together from 100's of hours of rehearsal footage and documents the supreme work ethic of Michael Jackson. Whatever your feelings are of his personal life or his music, his work ethic was second to none. Very much the perfectionist.

for laughter bwaaaaaaaa!!

The human race has one effective weapon--and that is laughter.
- Mark Twain

Have a Great day... unless you choose otherwise

July 2008 and July 2009


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I seem to have one more day of sobriety than yesterday -- that's cool!

for another day to not participate in the character defects I don't like anymore

for my Friday's - I attend AA meetings at 6:30am,. 10:00am and 12:15pm

that we closed on our new house 365 days ago; note the small differences in the pix above


Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben

A Foot and Some Steps

I've seen this before, but I guess I conveniently forgot about it. Someone emailed it to me the other day.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this!!! It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............ This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!

1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY......) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it!
You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for A.A.'s Twelve Steps, which, if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole.
(Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 15)

that I no longer have an obsession to drink alcohol
that I'm no longer a sufferer
that I'm often happy
that I may even be usefully whole (whatever that is)

that I plan on a lack of participation in my character defects today

that I have Step 10 at my disposal for those times today when I forget about my desire to not participate in my character defects

that I will go to 3 AA meetings today (as I do every Friday)

An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.
-Elbert Hubbard

Cheers!

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the concept of being entirely ready to have my character defects removed

for the common sense that makes up the order of the Twelve Steps

for common sense

that everyone survived that airplane splash in NYC yesterday

Life's most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?
-Martin Luther King Jr

a brand new month

So much has occurred these past few days it would be impossible for me to list everything, but
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for 4 really nice days of recovery-related activities -- the Thanksgiving Gratitude meeting followed by a potluck dinner for 200; then the beginning of our local GLBT A.A. Roundup (A.A. Conference)

that our sobriety play, "A Brand New Day", went very well and all of us in it did our best

to sit with my favorite bloggers at dinner Saturday night, before an AA speaker meeting

for relief from many of my major character defects

that Mary Christine made it home safely yesterday evening after 3 lovely days here in Houston


The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
-Samuel Johnson

Today is WORLD AIDS DAY. Read about it HERE or make a donation.

Still insane after all these years

My backyard Jacuzzi before Hurricane Ike ... and the day after.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I am accountable to those around me AND myself

for the challenges I face every day -- usually, they differ from day to day which help keeps life fresh

that those challenges offer growth

for a continuing awareness of my character defects

that I am so lucky in just about every aspect of my life

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
-Abraham Lincoln

It's about time ...

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for continuous, uninterupted sobriety

for a minor breakthrough in my thinking disorder(s); it's simply that for the past several months I have been overly defensive towards what I perceive as criticism and/or second guessing --- it has taken me about 8 months to get a handle on this, now it's time to take action, beginning with some step work with my sponsor

for outside help

that our electricity came back on at 10am yesterday after 10 days in the dark


Losers do what they want to do.
Winners do what they have to do.
~~ AA member at a meeting in Palm Springs

not for sore eyes

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a fruitful visit with my sister and our CPA as we are trying to tie up any and all loose ends with our Mom's estate

that she went to lunch with Hayden and I after we twisted her arm forcefully

that I may have some relief some of my character defects today - that mostly depends on me

for a good time at the baseball game last night. I've been fortunate enough to attend 22 Astros games this season (so far). I may have gone to this many games when I was a teenager, but it's been along time since then. I've really enjoyed it.


You should not suffer the past. You should be able to wear it like a loose garment, take it off and let it drop.
-Eva Jessye