Hey Mom!

Patricia
February 17, 1923 - August 10, 2008


She taught me the importance of being true to myself.
She taught me to respect others.
And she taught me to respect myself.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the lifetime of memories of all the good times and not-so-good times spent with my mother.

that I was sober and had made my amends to my mother in 2004. She had a major stroke in 2005 and died on this date in 2008.

for the concept of living amends. I was there for her, with gratitude. Had I still been drinking, I would have been extremely resentful that I had to give my bar time to assisting my mother in her time of need.



We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson

Welcome to ... August

I'm posting some pictures this week that depict some gay marriage advocates. I hope you're not offended; if you are, call your sponsor.







todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


for the gift of desperation; it has opened doors for me that would never have appeared otherwise

that I knew where to turn when that desperation got to its bottom

for my friends who celebrated sobriety anniversaries during July, now, on to August

that it was just 3 years ago when my sister and I made the decision to stop all feeding and medicating procedures for our mother. It would be another 10 days before she passed to the other side. I think this will be at the forefront of my thoughts for the next couple of weeks.


Expectation is the root of all heartache.
- William Shakespeare

Happy birthday MOM!

1924

1966

2005

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my Mom would have been 88 years old today. She was born in 1923 and died in August 2008. She was a major guiding influence in my life, her and my father having adopted me at birth. As a 50+ year old man in recovery, my finest moments were the 3 years after her major stroke, until she died. My living amends to her were to be present in her life, much more so than I had been while drinking. I became her primary caretaker and handled most details with my sister's assistance and approval. I visited her in hospital and in her nursing home numerous times each month, often just sitting by her bedside without her conscious knowledge of my presence. I think of her almost daily and miss her. But as a realist, I know she lived a full life and it was her time to go. She had a wonderful life.

for awareness not to make permanent decisions from temporary situations

for the generosity of my friends

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

workin' it

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for what is possibly the ultimate honor in recovery; listening to the fifth step of a recovering alcoholic

for AHA! moments, whenever they come. Funny how they are never expected. I guess that's why they're called AHA! moments. LOL

for some cool thoughts about my mother. Sometimes, I really miss her presence.

that I've never been a troublemaker although I have always enjoyed stirring up some ____.


Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
- Anonymous

staying current

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for Step 10

for the little, but noticeable, changes occurring during my 8th year of recovery

for the preparations I'm making for a fundraiser this weekend. It's a local version of the old TV show, Let's Make a Deal. I am playing the host.

for my mother -- she taught me so much without really trying. She's been on my mind a lot lately and I miss her. She died back in August 2008 from the effects of a major stroke. I was able to be with her during her last 3 years on Earth as her health gradually declined.
A few of you guys travelled this part of my journey with me and for that, I am grateful too.
If you still have your parents, cherish them if you can. There won't be another chance.


Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.
- Thomas Jefferson

don't eat the bread

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the simplicity of Tradition Three -- "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking." Alcoholics Anonymous could not lower its standards much farther than that!

that I attend a meeting where we read and discuss the AA traditions on a regular basis

that for good memories of my Mom who died 19 months ago. She got to see me sober for 5 years and I'll be forever grateful for that.

that I am involved in a car show tomorrow that will have approximately 1000 vehicles on display, including one of mine (and the weather forecast is near perfect!)

You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Happy birthday MOM!

My mother, Patricia, died in August 2008.
If she were still living, she would have been 87 years old today (but she would never admit it).





todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the life given to me by my mother...

... love and nourishment for a lifetime

... knowledge of the difference between right and wrong (values)

... education (home schooling after school)

... moral support when I needed it most

... financial support when I was lacking

But most of all, total and uncompromising love.

I think about her often. Sometimes, I wish she was here because I miss her. But I accept the fact that she was human, had her own faults, and was vulnerable just like all of us. She lived a full and mostly happy and satisfied life. For these things, I am eternally grateful.

In May 2003 I attended my first AA meeting. A few days later my partner and I went to visit her and he told her that I had gone to an AA meeting.
She said, "My prayers have now been answered."
I'll never forget that moment.


Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
- Doug Larson

Feliz Navidad

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'”
Dave Barry


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for my 7th consecutive holiday season without drinking alcohol -- this is so different than the "good old days" when I would stay as f***ked up as possible.

that my Mom has been on my mind a lot during the past week -- she died in August 2008, so it's still seems a little different that she's not here during Christmas. I'm OK with that though. I talked to her last night about that for a short time.

for the many and varied friendships I have made since stopping drinking

for the new line of thinking being offered to me in my Al Anon program


Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else's life.
- Kobi Yamada

One year ago ...

My Mom
February 17, 1923- August 10, 2008

(this picture was in 1966)



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for all the things my Mom taught me ...

...about unconditional love
...about being helpful to others
...about being nice to others
...about being responsible
...about never giving up
...math (with flip cards) LOL
...how to die gracefully and with dignity
...about the world in general


I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous.
- Ani DiFranco

fancy car + things real

a new Pinaforina

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm right where I should be

that nothing is hopeless until I give up

that I do my best (usually) to constantly be aware of the importance of Step 10

that I usually know when I've done the next wrong thing (I've probably written this before here, but it is on my mind today)

that today is my Mom's birthday - she would have been 86 today, but she died last August


You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.
-Chinese Proverb

Evolution didn't happen overnight

... and neither did this year.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I lived another calendar year, my 54th

that I was sober and present for my mother, who died in August at age 85

that I can cross of a couple of items from my Bucket List ...

• to skydive
• to be in a stage play
• to buy a new home

for my new mantra (see the title) that I made up

that I have so many wonderful examples of recovery in my life every day


Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past.
-Landrum Bolling

We

This is the painting I won in a silent auction whilst in Palm Springs at the Hot 'n Dry A.A. Roundup a few weeks ago.
It's 48" X 60" and the artist had to remove it from the frame so it could be shipped in a tube.
Scott W (Attitude of Gratitude) re-framed it for me.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the friendship of Melody J., a good friend of many recovering alcoholics and addicts at Lambda Center and other recovery venues for many, many years. She passed away this morning after a series of illnesses. Melody was my backup singer only 2 months ago in a fundraiser.

for Tradition 1 of Alcoholics Anonymous which states ... "Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity."

for the simple things in a life of recovery -- can you name a few?

that I'm telling a little bit of my AA story tonight at a treatment center/halfway house

for a very strange thing that happened yesterday.
Billy, an old friend (we were boyfriends 30+ years ago and have remained in touch) called from his home in Florida. He said that he called me because my mother had spoken to him very clearly in a dream the previous night. She told him to let me know that she is doing fine and is very happy. She told him to tell me that she loves me very much. Billy knew my Mom had a stroke 3 years ago and had been unable to speak since then.
What he didn't know is that she died 2 months ago. In fact, it was exactly 2 months ago.

Zane (Zanejabbers) asked me to let y'all know that he's having computer problems and will return to posting ASAP. Sure. Whatever, Zane.


'I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.'
- Ronald Reagan

not for sore eyes

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a fruitful visit with my sister and our CPA as we are trying to tie up any and all loose ends with our Mom's estate

that she went to lunch with Hayden and I after we twisted her arm forcefully

that I may have some relief some of my character defects today - that mostly depends on me

for a good time at the baseball game last night. I've been fortunate enough to attend 22 Astros games this season (so far). I may have gone to this many games when I was a teenager, but it's been along time since then. I've really enjoyed it.


You should not suffer the past. You should be able to wear it like a loose garment, take it off and let it drop.
-Eva Jessye

To begin with, it's over

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that Mom's Memorial Service went smoothly yesterday

for all the Lambda Center friends who showed up in support of this drunk

that I got to meet a few of Mom's church friends who actually made us a very nice lunch after the service

that my nephew was able to catch a last-minute flight from Barbados (where he is working) and attend his grandmothers' funeral

that I was able to step up to the podium and relate a few thoughts about Mom -- without crying!! I must have learned how to do this in A.A.

Happy 85th, Bob!

that I feel a little relief from the stress I've experienced these past 3 years


The kindest way of helping yourself is to find a friend.
-Ann Kaiser Stearns

My Mom, the Sunbeam

Mom with her only son on her 82nd birthday, just a little more than 3 years ago. This was just a few months before her devastating stroke.




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for another peaceful day yesterday; Mom would be proud of me

for the nearly overwhelming number of messages of support I've received the past 3 days from friends and acquaintenances

that we're off soon to the church for Mom's Memorial Service

for Hayden's immense help these past few days preparing for the service

that I don't need to say any more today

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.
-Anonymous

furthermore ...

Mom

1966



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I can stay sober as long as I wish

that yesterday was a fairly peaceful day, although it was extremely busy

that I'll make the final preparations for Mom's Memorial Service; if you'd care to join us tomorrow, let me know

for gravity. It keeps me grounded.

for Lambda. It keeps me centered.

for stairways that keep me using the steps.

God helps those who persevere.
-The Qur'an

A new home for Mom

Mom and I in 1992.

She died yesterday at the age of 85.

Her body continued to fight death for 18 days after we removed all forms of life support, including food. This almost sounds inhumane, but actually her digestive system shut down and there was little choice but to allow her to die.


Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I believe it helped prevent her from suffering.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that within 30 minutes of the phone call that notified me of Mom's death, I was sitting in an AA meeting. This was a commitment I had made to myself some time ago.

that I shared my loss in that meeting so another alcoholic will know of my experience and one day be able to go through a similar situation without having to resort to drinking or drugging. I have heard dozens of stories just like mine -- before it happened to me.

that I had a definite plan in place which made the hours after Mom's passing much simpler.

for all the offers of support from my friends at Lambda Center.

that I had such a great time in my drag debut on Saturday night -- pictures will be posted during the week, most likely.

In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
-Deepak Chopra



the picture on the left is my Mom in 1924 at her home in The Heights in Houston

just gettin' along

the cats enjoying their new bed



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

to be sober another morning with a real chance of staying that way all day

that my Mom is still with us as of this morning

that I'm making final preparations to participate in the annual Lambda Center Talent Show. It's this Saturday night. Stay tuned for a synopsis of my talent upcoming performance.

that we were spared a direct hit by a hurricane

for complete media coverage of a potential major hurricane. However, it turned out to be no more than a storm with a few inches of rain, so is 14 hours of continuous television coverage really needed?

What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
-Yiddish proverb

peaceful, easy feeling

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


that I got to hear Lisa Mc's story Saturday night -- well done, Lisa!!

that my Mom is still hanging in there -- today makes 2 weeks since she has been able to have food/nutrition and medications; she was actually able to give us a little smile yesterday

for a peaceful weekend although the stress from my Mom's situation is getting to me (it seems)

Scott sent THIS out to some friends. If you haven't seen it, enjoy!

"The only way things are going to change for you is when you change."
~~ anonymous

Happy Friday!

3 pix of the master bedroom before furniture;

1 picture of the master bath

click on a pic to enlarge

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I can miss one of my regular AA meetings and stay sane(ish)

that Mom made it through another month alive

that a majority of the time, I'd rather be happy than right

for some apparent major progress on finding a cure for HIV/AIDS

CLICK HERE and HERE

for '60's sitcoms; they don't make 'em like that any more / No Way, No How!!

that I live in a vibrant city that has escaped much of the economic woes of most of the rest of the country (so far)

"The only way things are going to change for you is when you change."
--anonymous