Big things, Small things

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for some awareness of patterns of my thinking and my behavior that comes to me because of Step 4 inventories

for day long calmness (serenity)

for knowledge that things will be OK as long as I closely follow the design for living that comes to me as a result of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

that answers will come but I must be more open-minded if I am going to appreciate them

for those who gave their lives 69 years ago at Pearl Harbor


We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw

change & awareness

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that it's OK to be angry and that I know a method to prevent that anger from becoming a major resentment

for Step 4 and the freedom it gives me -- awareness

that I finally learned last night in my Al Anon meeting that I don't need to keep protecting my partner from his own behavior. I allow him to make his mistakes and live his life, but I have always tried to keep those things a secret and I am the one who suffers when I do that.
Hopefully, I can remember to stop protecting him. (this is HUGE for me)

that I'm so blessed and fortunate -- I must always remember to pay it forward.


To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard

Steps 4 and 5

Cereal junkie...........

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that by writing out Step 4 (of AA's twelve steps) I could visualize on paper some patterns to my faulty thinking; I learned a few things aobut myself I would never have imagined

that Step 5 gave me the opportunity to trust another human with my deepest and darkest secrets; by doing this, the negative power of some of that knowledge was removed

that my 8 years relationship with my other half is, at times, the most difficult thing I've ever tried.

I keep trying.

that my bronchitis is a little better, but the cough remains deep within me at times


In all things and in all ways, choice impacts virtually every element of our life. It bears repeating that even those things which seem out of reach of our choice are governed by how we choose to perceive them.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Step this way ...

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a very pleasant weekend, although it's hot as hell here (like many places)

for the things I've learned from Step 4 -- "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." It teaches me to continuously look at my part in everything that happens in my life.

in a meeting about Step 4, someone shared, "I am waiting for the day when I don't have a part in something that happens in my life." Love it!!

for end-of-the-month birthday nights at Lambda Center. For July, we had 24 celebrants with 290 years of sobriety.

that I got to participate in another Lambda fundraiser -- our own version of The Gong Show. It was a lot of fun. Later this month, I'll be hosting/emceeing our own version of The Newlywed Game, which we've renamed The Gaylywed Game.


Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton

Step Four "Made a searching ...

and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."


Contrary to what I hear from so many people, I had no hesitancy or fear in doing this step. I was about 6 months sober when I wrote my inventory. I must have done a pretty thorough job if it because very few situations or people have since popped into my mind that should have been included. When guiding others through this step, I try to emphasize that some positive attributes must be included. It's so easy to focus on the negative aspects of this disease and ignore that we are humans beings with something to offer.

The great lesson I got from Step 4 was that resentments were a pattern of my thinking. I saw that I must look at or find out what my part is in every situation. I am responsible for my actions and reactions. By doing this constantly, I can avoid having resentments against and myself. Everything that happens is a lesson -- both good and bad, but nevertheless, a lesson. Indeed.

Then, I was ready to tell my sponsor about my life. Things I hadn't mentioned to anyone. Or at least, no one person knew all the stuff about me because I had kept my life compartmentalized.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that a friend told his story of addiction and recovery yesterday; I continue to be amazed how similar my thinking is to people who are so different from me

for the volunteer work I still get involved with

for greater balance in my activities than when I was newly sober

that today is my partner's birthday. Unfortunately, he's travelling today and will be gone for several weeks.


The less I give away of what I have, the less that people want what I have.
~~ me

just for today ...

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a meeting with a sponsee that I probably needed more than that person did; I'm sure I got more out of it. We read Step 4 in the Twelve/Twelve. I have read that many times, but they put some new stuff in there yesterday.

that I can share this with you -- from Just For Today...

... I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

... I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.


First a person should put his house together, then his town, then the world.
- Rabbi Israel Salanter

You deserve a break today (but you won't get it here)

A small, all-aluminum boat on display at the 2010 Houston International Boat Show last weekend.




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I know I have a part in everything that happens in my life. If I think I don't, then my part is in denying my part. Comprehend?

that with a belief in some sort of a God, and attending AA meetings, I found a higher power of my own understanding

that a sober acquaintenance felt comfortable enough to confide in me

for the stories in the second half of the Big Book

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
- Confucius

my part

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that the spiritual life is not a theory

that I was asked at the last moment to chair yesterday's 12:15pm AA meeting. It's a step -oriented meeting and we focused on Step 4.

that in practicing Step 4 often and many times without my conscious participation, I have learned to let go of most resentments becuase I now recognize the part I play in my life

that it's the 1st day of Autumn

for a note from our blogging friend, Trudge (Outright Mental Defective) ... "Dave can you tell everyone that I am sorry but I cannot access my blogger or my gmail accounts. Hope to be back with you all soon."

that our President is a black man and freely admits to being one for many years


You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Looking at Me

THIS is my all-time favorite music video, especially the last minute. The song ain't bad either.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

we read Step 4 yesterday in the 6:30am Eyes Wide Shut meeting. Here's some words from the 12/12 that can serve me well ...

• we grab for more of everything we need, fearing we shall never have enough


• step four is the beginning of a lifetime practice


• fear, greed, possessive-ness and pride have too often done their worst


• did I try to cover up those feelings of inadequacy by bluffing, cheating, lyin, or evading responsibility?


• did I recklessly borrow money, caring little whether it was repaid or not?


• the most common symptoms of emotional insecurity are worry, anger, self-pity, and depression


• the primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being


• either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much

for the 40 years of talent from Michael Jackson

for my favorite Charlie's Angel, Farrah Fawcett

for the fine example of the institution of marriage that the South Carolina Governor has been. He is a shining example of the (conservative) argument against gay marriage. NOT!!


When people shake their heads because we are living in a restless age, ask them how they would like to live in stationary one, and do without change.
- George Bernard Shaw

and now, for something a little different...

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for faith - in my HP and that just about everything will happen the way it should

that no serious injuries can be attributed to this blog -- my safety record is flawless! (so far)

for Steve's post yesterday. It inspires me to write this ... As you may know, I am and always have been a car enthusiast. When I was young (probably about 6 or 7) my dad promised me that we'd build a go-kart racer. It would have a lawn mower engine on it and I could drive it on the street around the house. By the time I was 10 or 11, that promise had not been realised, but I was still waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Finally, I got my driver's license at 16 and it didn't seem so important. But for those 10 years, I asked my dad to "please, let's build that go-kart" and the answer was always "soon, son, we'll do it soon."
I never forgave him for that disappointment until I worked the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous at the age of 49.


We can never live in the past as if it were our true home…. And it is a good thing that God draws this veil over the past even without our asking. In so doing, He allows us to live today for tomorrow with just the few memories we need of what was.
-Karl Barth

NOTE: I don't practice any religion, but here's my best wishes to all of you for a Happy Easter.

Trying to figure it all out

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that Step 4 has really been in my face lately (and that's a good thing)

that I turn my phone OFF or on SILENCE and keep it in my pocket for a full hour during meetings. I am really tired of watching people texting during AA meetings. For all future meetings that I lead as chairperson, I shall ask that everyone refrain from using their phone completely for an hour.

that experience can be a great teacher for those willing to learn

that Hayden and I are able to help someone who's ill and has no family and few friends


The opposite of love is not hate but indifference.
-Elie Wiesel

Friday morning

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a sober Thursday in which I went to meetings where Step 11 was read from the Twelve & Twelve and then discussed

that two of my sponsees are on Step 4 but neither are making much progress (yet)

that I am really gonna try to be my best today (this includes being [more] careful about the words that roll off my tongue)

that 6 of us will join together and make a hospital visit this morning for a mutual friend who needs an AA meeting

that today is Boston's belly-button birthday - drop by and wish her well!

that I made a first-time investment in some gold -- I moved a little money around (some of what's left) and diversified.

No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.
-Francois Muriac

Say nope to dope

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my sobriety is my priority, which is why it leads my gratitude list

that I don't even miss smoking that ounce of marijuana each week

that Step 4 has kinda been in my face the past week (2 sponsees have just begun Step 4 and yesterday we read about it in the Big Book)

that Hayden very innocently reminded me how screwed up my thinking can be


Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.
-Charles M. Schultz

Here's lookin' at ya ...

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the revelations I got when I first completed my 4th step

that I have saved so much recovery material on my computer -- it comes in very handy for friends and sponsees

my new sponsee expressed concern about staying sober during the holidays; I printed and gave him 7 pages of material I collected at an AA seminar on the subject

that I don't have hate in my life -- this guy does (click here)

that one of my kitties is OK; she was coughing incessantly for over a day and when I took her to the vet yesterday, she suddenly stopped and has not coughed since - LOL

I have accepted fear as part of life--specifically the fear of change. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says turn back.
-Erica Jong

by all means...

I'm finally ready to show you the final product of my bathroom remodelling. Pictures 1,2 and 3 are what is was like. Pictures 4 thru 16 are what happened over the past 2 months. Pictures 17 to 24 are what it is like now. My simple little camera can't do justice to the overall look.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that when I awoke this morning, I asked my HP to help keep me sober, to give me guidance throughout the day to know the next right thing to do and to be the best person I can be - just for today

for all the benefits I received from working my initial 4th step

that many of us from Lambda attended a fellow alkie's Christmas party yesterday in a magnificent setting for food and fellowship

that my Mom seems to be OK after a brief scare; she has a bad cold

that I have no need to be afraid of any law enforcement officials

that I can have mild compassion for Broncos fan(s)
(MC)

"Out of clutter, find Simplicity. From discord, find Harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies Opportunity."
-- Albert Einstein

Things I know ...

HEALTH

"Cardiovascular problems alone in America create over a thousand funerals a day… and 90% of the problem is neglect." -- Jim Rohn

"Laughter is the most healthful exertion." -- Christoph Wilhelm Hufeland

"It may be possible to incorporate laugher into daily activities, just as is done with other heart-healthy activities, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. The recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be exercise, eat right and laugh a few times a day." -- Michael Miller

"We cannot seek or attain health, wealth, learning, justice or kindness in general. Action is always specific concrete, individualized unique." -- Benjamin Jowett


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a good reminder that sobriety is NOT a cure for alcoholism

for my resentment prevention program -- it's called Step 4!

that this little pink cloud I've been floating on still remains ... sure wish I could bottle it and save it

that I am soooooo good at handling routine -- please don't take away my routine!

that I will never be a porn star
(somehow, this role bypassed me)

Patience is also a form of action.
-Auguste Rodin

I am not perfect

click on the pic for more detail

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the principles of Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness

that my high-class problems are problems nonetheless -- to me

that I can see my part in those problems, thanks to the steps of AA

that all of those problems have solutions, although I may not like those solutions

that I can take credit for my successes and blame for my failures

that my sometimes turbulent relationship with Hayden remains pretty much rock solid in spite of me -- this relationship is by far the most difficult thing I have ever attempted

"Self righteous anger is character assassination."
Denial is Not a River in Egypt

commercial free and still standing

Mary Christine (Anonymous Alcoholic) wrote this earlier this week. I really like it and want to repeat it here, just because it makes so much sense (to me).
With MC's permission, I give you this ...

"Here is a phenomena I have noticed over the years, but have noticed more recently. Those who have had periods of sobriety, gotten drunk, and then have come back seem to go off on these lectures about how tenuous sobriety is - with stern warnings about what can happen. Most of us have already heeded that warning years ago, and that is why we are sitting at a meeting - in no crisis, just sitting there on a perfectly nice sober day. I will sometimes ask someone returning "what happened?" and find the answers may vary in small details, but it is always the same. Sobriety Losing Its Priority (SLIP). They found a new boy/girl/friend. They got a new job, they went back to school... all these are great, but then they stopped going to meetings, they stopped calling their sponsors, they stopped praying. Anyway, I think it is much more helpful to hear how people DO stay sober than hearing how they DIDN'T stay sober."

I agree. While it's important to know those reasons excuses, the newcomer needs to learn how to get sober and stay sober. Hell, we already know how to get drunk.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a great Step 4 meeting ---- some great reminders for me to watch out about taking personal inventories - of other people

to discover (through lushgirl) another sober blogger - CARDINAL -
drop by and say hi if you get the opportunity

that I had a nuclear stress test (cardio) yesterday and spent 6 hours and a lot of money doing it -- hopefully the results will be OK, but I am prepared to be told about some artery blockage after all the years of abuse to my body

that tomorrow night is our annual Miss Lambda Contest --
if you're in Houston, don't miss it!!

that I'm going to the Astros game tonight with other recovering alkies and none of us will be buying the $8 beer

for Fred and Ethel Mertz

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."
-Coco Chanel

Here's a little joke to start your weekend ...
An old woman rear ended a car a few days ago.......
The driver got out of the other car, he was a DWARF!!
He was very angry!
He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT happy!"
So I asked, "Then which one ARE you?"