Staying Fit

There.  It's fixed.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I realized only yesterday that I experienced major behavioral changes after I had completed my 9th step.  In addition, as I learn more about the 10th step and keep it in practice, I automatically monitor my own behavior and keep those changes in place.

for faith and hope, without which I have ...  fear

for the ease with which I seem to make friends in my recovery world.  That never rarely happened in my drinking life.

that it no longer matters which side of the bed I wake up on.  What matters is what I do when I get out of bed.

The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.

- Anonymous

the big red wagon

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a 12-step sponsor that took me thoroughly through the steps in my first year

that after I had completed my ninth step, my life and recovery leaped forward

for the people who show me the way -- some intentionally, many not

that an old friend showed up in the 12:15p meeting yesterday - had not seen him in about 5 years

that we got a little rain yesterday - first precipitation in 27 days


A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.
- William Arthur Ward

Freedom (as I understand it)

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that Step 9 catapulted me into the next level of recovery. I instinctively knew that my side of the street was as clean as it could be. No more secrets, no more lies, no more grudges and resentments. Freedom!

that I got a second chance to be the human that I should be

that I have NO intention of blowing that chance and must keep a conscious contact with my HP in order to make good on that chance

for my sponsees and my sponsor

for the contributions of Arthur Penn, Tony Curtis and Greg Giraldo
(and many more; these just made the news)


Follow what you are genuinely passionate about and let that guide you to your destination.
- Diane Sawyer

The Promises

This is YOUR lucky day!! click here



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful for The Promises ...

... If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through (step 9).
... We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
... We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
... We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know a new peace.
... No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
... That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
... We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
... Self-seeking will slip away.
... Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
... Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
... We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
... We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.
- Brian Tracy

Monday morning

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my sobriety has a life of its own

that I'm not an angry person

that I'm able to be honest with others but everyone doesn't have to know everything about me

that I'll chair a noon AA meeting today and we'll discuss Step 9

that I'm so damn lucky


Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
- John F. Kennedy

Step Nine "Made direct amends ...

to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

My sponsor (bless his heart) crossed off most of the people on my Step 8 list. He left me with just 3 people to whom I needed to make a direct amends. These were both of my parents and my life-partner. Two would have to be in writing and the amends to my mom would be fact-to-face. As I said, yesterday, I was ready.

He (my sponsor) insisted that he see my written amends before I sent them in case they needed some editing. They did. He reminded me to keep it simple and to the point.

We talked about what I would say to mom. As it turned out, I had a lifetime of neglect and short-tempered outbursts to make amends for. The best I could offer her would be as a living amends to change those behaviors. But I still had to ask her how I could make things right. What would be her suggestions?

When all was said and done, the results were magnificent. My amends were well received by those I loved. Now, a few years down the road, this step changed my life. And made the lives better for those I loved. I was able to be the primary caretaker for my mother during her last 3 years on this planet as she slowly died from a major stroke. I was her attentive son, at her eside when I could be. I never missed seeing her because I was sitting an a bar - drunk.
I am still with my partner. His request to me to not treat him abusively any more is always on my mind. Sometimes, I relapse to my old ways, but those times are a little less each year. I have Step 10 at my disposal when necessary. Next week, we celebrate our 8th year together.

I love Step 9 (in case you couldn't tell).



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for commitment to my recovery design for living

that my friend Marcos shared his story of experience, strength and hope yesterday

that I had the honor to listen to another fifth step yesterday; I'll get to hear another one next week, I think


Then give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you.
- Madeline Bridges

Sober -- another day

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for those who step up to the plate; home runs are optional

for a wonderful discussion of Step 9. I (once again) shared how I was propelled into the next level of recovery upon completion of this step in my first year of sobriety

to know that if I can stay sober in AA, I can stay sober anywhere!

that my chances of living are much greater today than 6 1/2 years ago; had I not stopped drinking I was gonna die!

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
- Winston Churchill

more awareness

something I learned about making amends ...

When I first tackled Step 9, one of my amends was to my (at that time) ex-partner. He lived out of the country, so I wrote an email explaining what I was doing. Mmy sponsor read the amends and approved it before I sent it. It wasn't until 2 years later that we saw each other again and I mentioned to my sponsor that now I would be able to go more into detail with the ex regarding my amends. He said, "NO! David, you've already made your amends. You should never have to do it twice with him."

I was reminded of this last week when I read on someone's blog that they were in the same situation. I wanted to comment then, but didn't want to be seen as telling them what to do. Hopefully, by writing this now, someone may benefit from my experience.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my sobriety does not depend on my serenity

that my serenity does not depend on my happiness

that I seem to be getting farther away from my need to control the world

that a high school friend found me on Facebook; we last contacted each other in 1999 and had lost contact since. He now lives in California. We had a long phone conversation and he was intrigued by the new (recovery) life I lead. He asked for information on Al Anon, which I emailed to him. He has 2 sons that are drug addicts, aged 15 and 30.



Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor was given to us to console us for what we are.
- Mark McGinnis

cleaning up my side

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the huge load that was removed from my shoulders when I completed my first 9th step

for the concept of living amends

that an amends is much more effective (for me) if I do it before I die

that when I'm pressed for blog-reading time in the morning, I always read my 3 girls first ... Mary Christine, Pam and Scott.

for the great rain we had all day yesterday


Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Watching my step(s)

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the answers I get when I keep a conscious contact with my HP

that my first (original) amends list was short because I had so many blackouts for so many years, I don't remember most of the people and situations to which I would owe an amends

that I learn from others even when they don't know they're teaching

that almost 43% of statistics are made up on the spot


Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor was given to us to console us for what we are.
- Mark McGinnis

Cinco de Mayo

Cinco de Mayo is a date of great importance for the Mexican and Chicano communities. It marks the victory of the Mexican Army over the French at the Battle of Puebla. Although the Mexican army was eventually defeated, the "Batalla de Puebla" came to represent a symbol of Mexican unity and patriotism. With this victory, Mexico demonstrated to the world that Mexico and all of Latin America were willing to defend themselves of any foreign intervention. Especially those from imperialist states bent on world conquest.

Cinco de Mayo's history has its roots in the French Occupation of Mexico. The French occupation took shape in the aftermath of the Mexican-American War of 1846-48. With this war, Mexico entered a period of national crisis during the 1850's. Years of not only fighting the Americans but also a Civil War, had left Mexico devastated and bankrupt. On July 17, 1861, President Benito Juarez issued a moratorium in which all foreign debt payments would be suspended for a brief period of two years, with the promise that after this period, payments would resume.

The English, Spanish and French refused to allow president Juarez to do this, and instead decided to invade Mexico and get payments by whatever means necessary. The Spanish and English eventually withdrew, but the French refused to leave. Their intention was to create an Empire in Mexico under Napoleon III. Some have argued that the true French occupation was a response to growing American power and to the Monroe Doctrine (America for the Americans). Napoleon III believed that if the United States was allowed to prosper indescriminantly, it would eventually become a power in and of itself.

In 1862, the French army began its advance. Under General Ignacio Zaragoza, 5,000 ill-equipped Mestizo and Zapotec Indians defeated the French army in what came to be known as the "Batalla de Puebla" on the fifth of May.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the freedoms I realized after completing my ninth step almost 5 years ago

that a sponsee called me last night and I actually told him what to do (I rarely do this; I usually just make suggestions)

that I'll probably never have a parade named after me

the Rockets won!! On to game 2.


The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
-G.K. Chesterton

Today, it's one or the other

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a really insightful meeting on Step 9 yesterday

that I was amazed before I was halfway through

that my sponsor was so thorough with me as we worked our way through the twelve steps back in 2003/2004

that home is where the heart is

that unless there's a very serious screwup, the election is finally over!

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
-Elizabeth Foley

Pumpkin burger

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I have so much, actually more than I ever imagined

that Steps 8 & 9 require me to make a commitment to myself to change my behavior

that I don't ever have to get too old to learn

for my life-partner and our cats (in that order)

that my wrist is much much better now -- it healed quickly


I am a great believer in luck. The harder I work, the more of it I seem to have.
-Coleman Cox

Experience

the dining room

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I went to a really nice AA meeting where we discussed Step 9; a step that changed my life tremendously

for the drama I don't create these days

that sometimes my experience is all the proof I need

that I had a busy day preparing for a bad storm although as I publish this, it appears tht Houston will be spared once again

that a seat belt is not nearly as confining as a wheelchair

EXPERIENCE

"Time is the wisest counsellor."
-- Pericles

"Experience is an asset of which no worker can be cheated, no matter how selfish or greedy his immediate employer may be."
-- Napoleon Hill

"The good times we put in our pocket. The hard times we put into our heart."
-- Les Brown

"For years I have been accused of making snap judgments. Honestly, this is not the case because I am a profound military student and the thoughts I express, perhaps too flippantly, are the result of years of thought and study."
-- George S. Patton

... to be continued

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my Mom seems to have pulled through yet another close call;
her blood sugar went out of control and she suffered a series of minor heart attacks

that I was sober and could drive to the hospital to meet the ambulance at 3am

that I could sit and hold her hand in peace,
and even though she was unconscious, we communicated

for the freedom and happiness that came my way after completing Step 9; I would never have believed it possible

for patience

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.
-Anonymous

Discipline

is the principle behind the Ninth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous.


I heard early on in recovery that nothing changes if nothing changes. It took a little while for this to sink in, but now I get it.

In order for this alkie to stop drinking, I first had to become aware that alcohol was making my life miserable. Nothing else, just alcohol. Then I had to become willing to do something about it. Such as stop drinking! Once I had stopped, it has taken the discipline to continue working a program of recovery, which includes making many chages in my life and lifestyle.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I could be part of a successful fundraiser for the 2007 Houston Roundup which was held at Lambda Center Saturday night; I think it raised about $6000 over a 2-hour period

that my life today is better than it was when I was drinking

for a pretty quiet weekend, mostly by myself

that my sister and I met up at my Mom's nursing home, merely by coincidence

that I have yet to make a list of my pet peeves; why be negative?

that I didn't go ballistic when I was wronged by a retail salesperson (in my previous life, I would have yelled and cursed until I had made more than a complete fool of myself)

that I have never been in a police chase

Security is not the absence of danger, but the presence of God, no matter what the danger.
-Anonymous

The Not-So-Good Old Days

June 2004

When I was 9 months sober, I got to Step 9 with my sponsor.
Time to make some amends.

We had only identified 3 major amends that I needed to make with others. One of those was with Hayden, my partner (actually, ex-partner at the time). He was living back in Trinidad and we communicated very little. I had some very strong resentments toward him.

But, in good AA fashion with the help of my sponsor, I made those amends (via email). Also, true to form, I asked him what I could do to make right some or any of the wrongs I had done him during those drinking days. His response was simple. "Just don't treat me that way any more."

Great.

September 2006

Hayden is back in Houston visiting for the first time. We make the decision to rekindle our relationship. I've changed. I have changed a lot. I have not, however, been in any intimate relationships since sober. My character defects come leaping out of hibernation. At first, very slowly. But as the months have progressed, new character flaws have emerged that I have never been aware of previously.

September 2007

As I type this today, we are on the rebound (once again) and love each other more than ever. My craziness (insanity?) flourishes. My words and actions seem to bounce off him. He often points out to me that in spite of my behavior, he is still here and has no intention of leaving me.

My problem is this : I repeatedly break the amends I made to Hayden back in 2004. Those amends have become hollow words to me. For this, I am now beating myself up. It makes me wonder why I can't stay true to those amends. I know I'm not perfect; far from it. I know it's all about progress, not perfection. I also know I need to discuss this with my sponsor and most likely work some steps on this.

Comments? Suggestions?

In order to minimize confusion ...

(click on the pic

for greater detail)


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for some really helpful suggestions about how to deal with just about any problem --
One Day at a Time

that I am not the only person who usually doesn't get it the first time I hear something

for a really nice Step 9 meeting yesterday

that I am not beating myself up so often today because my relationship with a certain Trinidadian has hit the rocks; I am very comfortable knowing that I have done absolutely everything I can to allow it work and have been the best person I can be.

that I have volunteered to produce 3 very amateur art pieces for our AA Roundup Service Auction in September (watch out, SW)

When you rise in the morning, form a resolution to make the day a happy one for a fellow creature.
-Sydney Smith