todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that today marks the 9th anniversary of my last drunk. Not to be confused with my last drink. That came a few days later. But 9 years ago, my behavior had deteriorated to the point of hanging out (daily) in sordid places. I cared for no one besides myself, even though I was ostensibly in a relationship. My selfishness told me it was OK to cheat on him all I wanted or needed to. I thought that I was suffering from a mental breakdown for the past 3 months and it seemed to be getting worse. I was crying uncontrollably every day, often with tears flowing into a pint of beer or into my rum & coke. I rarely wanted to eat and often when I did eat, I would vomit soon after. My only friends were those I knew at "my" bar and they probably didn't want to interact with me any more than necessary. I usually isolated when there, which averaged 10-12 hours per day.
Yes, 9 years ago today, I had reached something I can now look at and call -- incomprehensible demoralization.
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
- The Buddha