Monday, August 11, 2008

A new home for Mom

Mom and I in 1992.

She died yesterday at the age of 85.

Her body continued to fight death for 18 days after we removed all forms of life support, including food. This almost sounds inhumane, but actually her digestive system shut down and there was little choice but to allow her to die.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I believe it helped prevent her from suffering.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that within 30 minutes of the phone call that notified me of Mom's death, I was sitting in an AA meeting. This was a commitment I had made to myself some time ago.

that I shared my loss in that meeting so another alcoholic will know of my experience and one day be able to go through a similar situation without having to resort to drinking or drugging. I have heard dozens of stories just like mine -- before it happened to me.

that I had a definite plan in place which made the hours after Mom's passing much simpler.

for all the offers of support from my friends at Lambda Center.

that I had such a great time in my drag debut on Saturday night -- pictures will be posted during the week, most likely.

In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
-Deepak Chopra

the picture on the left is my Mom in 1924 at her home in The Heights in Houston


Bill said...

Scott told me awhile back that your mom was a tiny woman. It's amazing how much strength, love, and character can be packed into such a small package.
I believe you made the right medical decision for your mom, the one she would have made if she could give voice to it. She had the time she needed to prepare her mind & spirit for the next chapter.

I thought of your mom when I saw Scott's pictures of you from Saturday night. I think you favor're just not quite as pretty.

Thanks also for the example you set on how to handle such a difficult emotional time. I know how you gravitate to isolation, but you did exactly the right thing by suiting up & showing up - for yourself and others.

Big, huge hugs to you, Dave.

"Just David!" said...

I remember meeting your mom, she was a very nice lady! My heartfelt condolences.

Scott W said...

From one life to another, may Pat's journey be joyful.

Anonymous said...

daave :: my thoughts and prayers go out to you. i'm so sorry for your loss. i'll check back later to see more talent show pics. you did such a great job. congrats. -- love&luck, lonestarsteve

Pam said...

I'm glad that your Mom had some peace in the end.
Take care of yourself Dave...that's me talking as a MOM.

Mary Christine said...

God bless you Dave. I am so glad you have this program to get you through the loss of your mom. Since I started reading your blog, I have been able to tell how very much you love her. I am sure she knew that too. XXXOOO&Prayers, Love, MC

Trailboss said...

I am truly sorry for your loss but grateful at the same time. No more suffering, no more pain, young, beautiful and full of life for an eternity.

Prayers for you and your family


One Drunk to Another said...

dAAve thanks for sharing your experience. I had a similar one -- finding solace in meetings hours after my Dad died. He lived six days without support or nutrition. Amazing to watch as God selects the right time.

My love to you.

kel said...

Having just lost my Dad 2 months ago after a long, miserable illness, my heart goes out to you and I am humbled by the dignity you have shown throughout her illness. May G-d rest her soul. Much love to you at this sad time.

Anonymous said...

thank you for your comment on my blog. i'll keep you, your mom and yours in my thoughts today as well. my love to you, daave.

Not God said...

I can only offer you this.
May her soul and yours find peace.

I lost my mother suddenly almost a year ago. I empathize.

Mary LA said...

Oh Dave I am so sorry--

thinking of you with love


molly said...

the pictures are beautiful. thanks for sharing those.

bless you dave. may you find comfort today in all those about you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry for the loss of your Mom, Dave. What a lovely lady. Thanks for sharing her with us and sharing your journey as well.

Laura said...

Prayers and thoughts to you as you weed through your feelings and grief. I know about waiting for death for Mom....been there and it was peaceful too.


Zane-nawwaa said...

Finally Pat is at peace. I remember the dinner at El Pariso. In seeing the picture of her in the Yellow dress, you did look a lot like he on Sat Night. You took the right steps at the end, both for her and then for yourself by going to the meeting yesterday. My love and thoughts are with you, my friend.

AlkySeltzer said...

Dave, I had written a whole bunch of crapola, as if I'd known you for years and years. But I do not, and so I can only offer condolences to you and your at this time.

What I DO know about you is that you are just like me in many ways--you are an alcoholic, recovering from a fatal disease. And this recovery program allows you to laugh, to weep, and also to be rediantly happy, which is what your Mom is right now!
Peace, and Love, from Steve E.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts a prayers are with you.

-Dave from Maryland

Syd said...

Dave, I'm so sorry but know that your mom is at peace. Being with friends at that time is a good thing. I wish you peace and comfort knowing that she has gone to a better place.

Jeanie said...

Thank you, Dave ... for modeling to us all how to be a good son to your mother.

Thank you for sharing her with us as gently and as lovingly as you did.

Thank you for showing those of who have yet to experience what you have just experienced what to do in such a graceful way.

And thank you for your service in so doing.

Mark said...

May God Bless Her and Keep Her Until We All Meet Her.

Know that your Mom is loved beyond our wildest dreams Dave. She is with her Creator. There is no better place.

Now she can see into your heart better than ever and she knows.

Way to go - being a power of example!

Bill said...

Just zipping by to say hello on this new day.


♥Shann♥ said...

I am so sorry daave, and my prayers and thoughts are with you. I believe she is home and at peace

Anonymous said...

dave, i am very sorry for your loss even though i know you've been preparing.

i wish i had thought of having a plan in place when my dad passed, that is such a good idea. one that i will pass on to others.

you are an admirable man, and i know your mom was very proud to have you as her son. i certainly would.