The Last 10 Years (part V)

I was 48 years old and just arrived for a job in Trinidad & Tobago. I was beginning the last year of a 32 year drinking career. And I was in love.

I was 20 years older, but we bonded from the beginning. The first night we met, he stayed in my hotel with me. From the second night, he was living there with me.

After a month in Trinidad, my company sent me to Morocco on a moments notice. We kept in touch by phone daily and about 6 weeks later, I took 2 weeks off and went home to Houston. Hayden met me there. I showed him all the bars and he met all my friends. When I returned to work in Morocco, Hayden decided to stay in Texas and my apartment. That was fine by me; I trusted him completely. Four months and many daily phone calls later, I was laid-off from my job and returned to Houston. That was in late November, 2002.

I was happy to be unemployed as I could now turn my total attention to Hayden. And drinking. We never made the commitment that two people make when they become lifelong partners. He couldn’t do it; actually had no desire to make that commitment. Hayden is a free spirit. I, on the other hand, made that commitment even if it wasn’t returned. A one-way relationship is not a good situation for a practicing alcoholic. I drank more every day. The more I drank, the more I pushed Hayden away. The more he pulled back, the more I drank. Within 2 months together, by late January, he had told me several times I needed to cut back on my drinking.

I tried. I actually made it to 6pm one day before picking up a beer. Then it was all downhill for that night. Another time, I tried modifying my drinks; a beer, some water, a rum & coke, a coke, etc… That lasted for about 2 weeks and then I went back to drinking more than ever. I was now drinking by 8 o’clock every morning. Hayden always slept late and by the time he got up, I was already drunk. I’d go to Griff’s for the afternoon and sometimes hardly see him til late afternoon when I went home for my nap. We grew apart and it tore me up inside. I loved him so much but the booze was more important. More important than anything.

Finally, in late May 2003, Hayden threatened to call my mother and have me committed to a hospital for my alcoholism. I pleaded for him not to get her involved. He then talked me into going to an AA meeting. So I went. I enjoyed it from the start and began going 2 or 3 times each week. The days I went to a meeting, I would not drink until after the meeting, so it had a positive effect in that way. But I drank as much if not more than ever. Hayden left me in June. He could not take my verbal abuse any more.

This is what I know today. Hayden was my angel. He saved my life.

For the last few days of my drinking, when I hit bottom, please click here.

Thank you for reading this series (Parts I-V). It’s been enlightening to write it as I remember it. Most details have been left out, but I hope I have been able to portray what it was like for this alcoholic. I can never forget the good days or the bad. If I do, the bad ones will return with a vengeance. And I will never blog again.