I have rarely in the past just dumped someone out of my life. More likely, I chose to hold a resentment instead. Some of those grudges lasted for years. In recovery, I realize now that my resentments were mine and mine only. The "party-at-fault" probably never knew anything about it.
Also in recovery, I will not dump another alcoholic in need out of my life. I AM RESPONSIBLE to always be there. Well now, wait a minute.
Twice in the last two days, I have been on the receiving end of verbal abuse by guys who claim to be in recovery. My part in those cases was the fact that I happened to be in the vicinity at the time and I have previously done favors for those guys. Minimal favors, mind you, but favors nonetheless. Such as listening to them vent and offering my experience, giving cigarettes and giving them rides to and fro when asked. Since Step 10 does not appear to be a part of their program, I feel the need to define, for myself, a boundary as to what is acceptable behavior. In both cases, their behavior towards me is behavior I am not willing to accept. To date, I have not responded to them. I've just sat back and stayed quiet. (PAUSE WHEN AGITATED)
How much am I supposed to take from these guys? It is obviously affecting my serenity since I am writing about it. I refuse to allow anyone to do that to me. Part of the problem is that I see these guys on a daily basis. I will speak to my sponsor about it today. In the meantime, any suggestions from you guys?
4 comments:
You're an alcoholic, not a push over.
If they forget their manners, politely remind them that manners maketh the man.
If they still don't get it, politely tell them to go fuck themselves.
Gosh. I hope it's not ME! There's nothing like a paranoid alcholic in recovery! I usually give them another chance and then choose my words carefully when I remind them of why I'm unhappy with their actions. Hope that helps.
David, no one in the program has ever told you to allow some one to run over you, metaphorically speaking. "Setting boundaries" is exactly right. Your responsibility, your side of the street to clean, is to tell them how you feel and you intend to treat such requests in the future. You are then done with it. You have my support and love, Norris
Ah. Another 'Kenny'. For a second I thought I'd posted that in blackout! LMAO! ;-)
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