today is lovely

my friend Boston celebrated 4 years without any mind-altering drugs





todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that it might have been worse**

that I no longer have to make excuses for trips in order to drink without restraint

that I no longer have to plan my drinks or what time I will start drinking

that I remember what I did last night -- and every night for the last 2217 nights

that I no longer resent people for interfering with my drinking

that I went to Boston's 4th sobriety celebration last night


Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together.
- Vesta M. Kelly

** Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 348

they get younger every year

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that the more often I practice these principles in all my affairs, the easier my life seems to flow

OK, now for yesterday -- 12:15pm AA meeting which is normally a step-oriented meeting. We were goin g to discuss Step 6. The chairperson had begun when in walked about 20 teenagers. They were from a local treatment/rehab center. He welcomed them as they took seats and we discovered that only 1 had never attended an AA meeting. From that point, the topic was centered around the first step - "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable." For the last 20-ish minutes of the meeting, the chairperson asked for sharing from the teens. Some of the stories they shared brought yours truly to tears.

When I left that meeting, I felt so grateful to be a sober and recovering member of society, not having to worry about jail or death, not having to deal with parents who are abusive or violent addicts, not having to deal with peer pressure from so-called friends or gang members, etc...

Today, I shall be the best human I can be, having learned from my own experiences and those of others.

Living well and beautifully and justly are all one thing.
- Socrates

thanks for dropping by

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I seem to have simplified Step 3 into one word -- whatever

that I can usually keep my mouth shut when someone shares in a meeting about what we need to do or what I should not do or how I feel or act instead of keeping it just about themself

for a wonderful sobriety birthday celebration at Lambda this past Saturday -- we celebrate a month's worth of birthdays in one night -- this month there were 32 people with a total of 314 sober years

for fellowship with others who think (almost) like me

Don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.
- General George S. Patton

The Periodic

A "periodic" is an alcoholic who is able to put together some dry time -- sometimes for considerable periods -- in between bouts of uncontrolled drinking.
The challenge for a periodic alcoholic is that these "dry times" (understandably) confuse the issue as to whether or not they are powerless over alcohol.
I once heard someone at a meeting sum up his process in sorting this out this way:
"I didn't think I had a problem drinking -- until I finally realized that virtually every time I drank I had a problem."

As I'm fond of observing, Alcoholics Anonymous is not selling anything. As a whole we have no investment in convincing someone that they are alcoholic. Each person must make this diagnosis on their own -- if they don't there is actually very little -- nothing, really -- that the AA program can do to help them.
Thus, in the case of a periodic drinker, while individual AA members may offer their own experience (direct or observational) on the matter, if a person eventually decides that their extended dry periods prove that they are not, in fact, powerless over alcohol ... well then, "our hats are off to them."
That is one of AA's great strengths; its welcoming spirit coupled with a policy of attraction rather than promotion.
And if they're wrong, and they are in fact an alcoholic, well then, I guess if they survive their next drinking episode (and I mean that literally), they'll know where to come for help.

reprinted from a file on my computer (this means I don't know where it came from, but I like it)

a poem about judging others

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

"And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He, "they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you."

Judge NOT.

having enough

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

I woke up early this morning after about 4 hours sleep and could not get back to sleep. So I read blogs, facebook and browsed eBay. At 5am, I'll go to the gym and do 45 minutes of cardio, then go to my 6:30am AA meeting. I have AA meetings at 10am and 12:15pm as well. Then lunch with the guys and then will pick up my Buick which has been in the shop getting some interior restoration work done. By late afternoon, I think I will have had -- enough.

I didn't write this, but I sure agree with it ...

The only difference between needing more and having enough is your attitude. At any time, in any circumstance, you always have the option of deciding that you are enough, and that you already have enough for the moment you're in.
Always longing for more will eventually wear you down into a painful, frustrating and overwhelming sense of disillusionment. Having enough, on the other hand, puts you into a peaceful, positive and productive state of mind.
Just imagine how completely satisfying it would be to suddenly have everything you need. You can know that satisfaction right now, in this very moment, just by allowing yourself to have enough.

It costs you nothing to decide that you have enough. For having enough does not preclude you from creating more abundance in your life.
In fact, having enough sets your creativity free and allows your effectiveness to soar to new heights. When you get away from the stifling mindset of lack and limitation, truly magnificent things will happen.
By having enough, your struggles disappear and are replaced with countless opportunities for real joy. See right now that you have enough, and delight in the warm and genuine richness it brings.
~Ralph Marston


Don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.
- General George S. Patton

as my brain bounces around ...

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my perceptions seem a tad better than they were a year or two ago, but I'm still way off the mark sometimes

that I shared in the Al-Anon Double-Winner meeting last night

that someone spoke last night in that meeting (see above) that to be a Double-Winner, one must first be a Double-Loser. LOL

that I'm not a false echo on someone's radar

that we're only 8 inches short of our averge rainfall total after this weeks' rainfall

Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.
- Lou Holtz

fear vs courage

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that fear is only paper thin

that many of my fears are only in my head and turn out to be little or nothing at all

that my biggest fear today is that I will stop wanting this good life and allow my thinking to revert to the old days. Because of this, I must constantly stay on top of this thing.

that courage is no longer in a bottle, can or joint


It takes courage to show your dreams to someone else.
- Erma Bombeck

my part

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that the spiritual life is not a theory

that I was asked at the last moment to chair yesterday's 12:15pm AA meeting. It's a step -oriented meeting and we focused on Step 4.

that in practicing Step 4 often and many times without my conscious participation, I have learned to let go of most resentments becuase I now recognize the part I play in my life

that it's the 1st day of Autumn

for a note from our blogging friend, Trudge (Outright Mental Defective) ... "Dave can you tell everyone that I am sorry but I cannot access my blogger or my gmail accounts. Hope to be back with you all soon."

that our President is a black man and freely admits to being one for many years


You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

back to the (coffee) grind

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the freedom I have to be me

for another little aha! moment during a meeting on Saturday morning. It's too involved to get into here, but I will say that a great many of my aha! moments come to me during AA meetings.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, that's worth thinking about.

that Morgan M. finally got to qualify her AA experience and she did it with much humility

that my nephew (injured in a motorcycle accident) is now out of a coma and is no longer listed as critical. He's been in ICU for almost 5 weeks now.

that although I've been doing some retail therapy the past few days, I have found some great clothing sales. Now, I need to gather some older shirts and take them to the Salvation Army.


You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

it's been a weird week

I heard that Kanye West interrupted the Swayze funeral benediction to remind the congregation that Michael Jackson had the greatest funeral of all time.
When that happened, Rep. Joe Wilson immediately stood up and screamed "You lie!"and then Serena Williams promptly cursed them both out.



have a nice day

underwear cops

verification

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that the writing is on the wall (in many AA rooms)

that Step 2 as it is written contains no mention of God

that I get up on the right side correct side of the bed every day

that it's true; yes, I am gay and proud of it


To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
- Unknown

Mary Travers died this week at the age of 72. I loved the music of Peter Paul and Mary.

What an order!

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm still doing the best I can every day

to remember to practice the Tenth Step throughout my day (every day)

for those times when all I can do is act as if

that I'm still trying to figure out Al-Anon


If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
- Catherine Aird

overheard in a meeting ...

The more I miss meetings, the more I miss drinking.








todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for laughter in AA meetings

that I have never texted during an AA meeting

that my (projected) schedule can be flexible without me going nuts when there's unexpected changes

that I got this new deodorant and the instructions said….remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk but when I fart it smells amazing.

Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.
- Basil King

don't do drunk

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I don't do drunk anymore

that I use the concepts and principle (faith) behind Step 3 throughout the day, every day ...
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

when I practice Step 3 as I should, my life is easier and more serene

that I not only enjoy participating in service to others but I also understand its significance to my recovery

that I had the opportunity to know Patrick Swayze before he was famous. We went to high school together (he was a year ahead of me, of course)

All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

back to ...

one of the great drunk pranks




todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I got to hear Jason W. speak Saturday night @ Lambda -- he is a very inspirational speaker to me

that I got to meet Lou (aka Subdural Flow) and her mother

for my friend Scott W. (aka Attitude of Gratitude)

for my friend Pam (aka Sobriety is Exhausting)

for more life lessons as I remain sober and aware


You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out he hates all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

renewing a passport

This letter is a thing of beauty (even if the language is a bit rough)..
You definitely feel the guy's pain!


Dear sirs, I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable t.v. from them back in 1987, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? You have my birth date on my Social Security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs Declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

I apologize, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin' address.
What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know,the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin' morons) Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!

Signed
- An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 .......I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang........However, I have to get someone important to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN INDIA !

　

dancin' birdie

rock and roll is for the birds

nine eleven

I love this song when it's performed this way. I've never really cared to hear it sung/performed with artistic impression. But that's just me. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.




todAAyi AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I have visited Ground Zero in Manhattan and could feel its significance

that Al-Queda terrorists have laregely been thwarted in this country for the past 9 years.

that most meetings where the first step is discussed, more is revealed to me

for THIS wonderful story of freedom from louisey over at Letting It Go

for the process of discussion versus argument

that I'm going to another Astros game tonight with a friend in recovery


Enthusiasm is a volcano on whose top never grows the grass of hesitation.
- Kahlil Gibran

here and beyond

Have you been watching the new series called "Planet Earth" (click here) on the Discovery Channel?

It is some of the most awesome photography and storytelling I've seen.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm a little less judgemental and a little more compassionate these days

for some really good points made in the Double Winner (Al-Anon) meeting last night

for the people who show up consistently in my environment

that we are finally getting some much needed rain here in the Housotn area -- we are drastically behind the normal average rainfall

for the incredible photographs taken by the improved Hubble telescope

Our strength is often composed of the weakness that we're damned if we are going to show.
- Mignon McLaughlin

090909

AFV - Cats Gone Wild! @ Yahoo! Video


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I further my recovery every time I go to an AA meeting

for a first-time newcomer that graced the meeting room yesterday

for the many varied experiences I've been so fortunate to have during my 55 years, including
... 6 years running track
... 4 years of university and earning a degree in education
... 10 years as a baseball umpire
... 1 year teaching public school and coaching football & track
... 1 year as a retail store manager
... 2 years as an office manager in the trucking industry
... 19 years in the offshore oil exploration industry
... living and working in 25 countries
... visiting an additional 7 countries
... 33 years as a practicing alcoholic
... 6 years as a recovering alcoholic
... waking up sober this morning
... today, with all its opportunities

Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards.
- Soren Kierkegaard

In less than 12 months ...

I am curious who is going to attend the Alcoholics Anonymous 2010 International Convention next July in San Antonio. If you need to register, I have a link on my sidebar under the blogroll. It will stay there until next summer.

I'm going to keep a running list somewhere on this blog's sidebar. Let me know if you're going to attend for certain. We'll probably set aside a day and time to all meet each other.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm not running from anything today; I believe I'm able to face everything that confronts me (so far)

that I still have my senses -- to see, hear, taste, smell and feel

that I'm Honest (I think), Open-Minded (seemingly) and Willing (almost always)

that the psychic change I had 6 years ago removed the insane obsession to get drunk


Every problem has in it the seeds of its own solution. If you don't have any problems, you don't get any seeds.
- Norman Vincent Peale

just sit back and enjoy it

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my seventh year of recovery has been a breeze (so far) and there's no reason for that to change

that I got to hear Keith F's story Saturday night; he is as sick as I am and somehow, that's comforting LOL

that our friend TRUDGING aka Outright Mental Defective has returned to the blogworld after a lengthy hiatus

for another sober blogger I just became aware of -- SOBER -- drop by and say howdy

that I went to an Astros game by myself and ran into 2 sober friends who were working at the game in different capacities -- we're everywhere!!


"Why is it called "common sense" when so few people seem to have it?"
~~ me

Do you identify with any of these? part 2

Bad decisions make good stories

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

Do you identify with any of these? part 1

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


BY THE WAY ... today I celebrate 2192 consecutive days (6 years) of living without any alochol in my body.

It's Friday and it's large

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the examples set before me by my peers and my mentors

that I rarely get discouraged, about anything

that my friend Scott W. has a gallery showing this weekend
CORRECTION: his gallery opening is on the 12th -- sorry about that

that it's Friday and I get to attend 3 AA meetings before lunch (LOL)

for the life that's been given to me

that my nephew is in stable condition, but still has severe brain trauma from his motorcycle accident


You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

cleaning and changing

CLICK HERE for detailed instructions as to the correct method to clean your monitor's screen.



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

to see people change

that I had and continue to have the courage to change

that I've never cared to be popular, but I've always liked to be liked


In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.
- Deepak Chopra

Life as it happens

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'm so much more productive on a daily basis when I am not drinking or smoking maryjane

for the concept and practice of Step 3

that I didn't lose my temper (too badly) while trying to register online for the International AA convention. The website wouldn't take my credit card payment. After waiting for about 20 minutes on hold, the nice lady on the other end of the phoneline told me that their server crashed because of the enormous volume of people trying to register and pay. She told me to try again in a day or two. Step 3. Whatever.

By the end of the night, it was all fixed and I am now registered. Hope to see you guys in San Antonio next July.

that my 30 year-old nephew is now in stable, albeit very critical condition after being air-lifted via a very expensive air ambulance from Barbados to a Miami hospital. He's had 2 surgeries to repair broken bones and had lost most of his blood which has been replaced. He is still in a coma 10 days after his umpteenth motorcycle accident.

Change your thoughts, and you change your world.
- Norman Vincent Peale

A memorable anniversary

Momma cat Hayley with her 7 kitten litter September 1, 2003.

These are the 2 kittens I kept. They are 4 years old in this picture. Today, they are 6 years old.



todAAy i AAM grAAteful & thAAnkful


6 years ago today, I was waking up from one of my worst ever drunk nights. After more than 12,000 days and nights of drinking, I was done. Later in the day, I found out about my atrocious behavior from the day before. I came close to being robbed and possibly murdered by a street hustler and remembered absolutely nothing about it.
I now know that I had hit my bottom. I can think of no better words to use than incomprehensible demorilzation. I will do anything to never feel that way again. But I am stubborn. I drank again that day and the next 3 days. It wasn't until September 4th at a noon AA meeting that I had my psychic change, my spiritual awakening.

that I know my experience can benefit others

for my personal best on the elliptical (cardio) machine yesterday -- 1 hour!!
-- for someone who smoked 3 packs/day for 36 years and now has Peripheral Artery Disease, that's an accomplishment I didn't think I could do


What you do may seem insignificant, but it's important that you do it.
- Mahatma Gandhi