Here's to a lovely weekend ...

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that the high road is a lot less bumpy than the alternatives

that I won't sit at my home bar today from 10am - 2pm and again from 5pm - midnight. 

That was a typical Friday, back in the day.

for those times when my behavior matches my good intentions

that we actually got a little rain yesterday; probably the most since last January

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.

- Winston Churchill

Letting Go (sometimes)

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I can enjoy life today as it happens! 

I often enjoyed my life when I was drinking, but if something, anything, bad happened, my day or week was ruined.  It always took me a long time to let go of anything, if I let go at all.

Today, I have learned how to restart my day at anytime I need to, as many times as I need to.

Today, I have learned how to let things go.  Most things aren't important enough to hang on to.

My friend Cisco C. used to write a blog entitled "Let No One Steal Your Peace."

I often try to focus on this phrase.  It works.  When I remember to use it.

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

- Mary Wilson Little

Four Simple Words

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

One of the most profound/significant things I've ever heard in an AA meeting was from a woman celebrating 25 years of sobriety.  She said that if she has not learned anything else in her 25 years,
it is this thing about whatever is going on in her life ........

This Too Shall Pass.

So if you're having a problem today or this week or this month and feel totally overwhelmed by it, please remember those 4 simple words.

Being defeated is often a temporary condition.
Giving up is what makes it permanent.
- Marilyn vos Savant

Some stuff I like

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I have more opportunities today

that I get to share my experience with friends and acquaintances

that I can be flexible enough to change my plans when someone needs me AND do it without regret

that this whole concept about not taking things personally is really, really working well so far!

The world is not out to get you. It is very seldom that anyone intends to harm you. When the mail-order company sends you the wrong product, or your friend doesn't return your phone call, it is very unlikely to be malice. People are usually just doing the best they can - in their own fallible human way.

thinking

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I got to celebrate my September AA birthday with 29 other September birthday people on Saturday.

for an active imagination; it's both a gift and a curse.  LOL

that I know -- it's an absolute fact -- that I could never have gotten sober without a Higher Power to surrender my drinking to.  I have no doubt that this same HP is the reason I stay sober.  I love the fellowship of AA, I love the steps and the Big Book.  But without that HP, I'd be drunk.  Or dead.

that I get to have fun and I get to witness to others

How much pain they have cost us,
the evils which have never happened.

- Thomas Jefferson

More choices ...

Choose Your Habits, Choose Your Life - 5 Secrets For Breaking Your Bad Habits
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

By nature, we are all creatures of habit. We instinctively adopt familiar routines for most activities. We eat about the same number of meals each day - at more or less the same times. We have a regular pattern of sleeping - unless it is perturbed by illness or shift work. Most everything we do is habitual.

You probably eat three meals each day, but why? Why not two or five? There is nothing particularly "natural" about our pattern of eating three meals each day - it is just a habit that we share with most of those around us. Actually, a number of studies indicate that eating five smaller meals is more satisfying and healthier than eating three large ones.

You will always have habits - things you do regularly and without conscious thought - but you do have the ability to CHOOSE your habits. Here's how...

1. Begin to pay attention to WHAT you do, WHEN you do it, and WHY you do it. One of the bad habits I fell into was eating a large dish of ice cream in the late evening. Obviously, "ice cream" was the "what," but the "when" was more than just "in the evening." "When" was times I felt stressed, hadn't had a satisfying dinner, or was bored. "Why" was mouth sensation, having something to do with my hands, and sometimes hunger.

2. Keep a journal of the "what", "when," and "why." Make an entry whenever you find yourself doing something that isn't really your choice. You will find that you gain better insight into the "when's" and "why's" as you get more entries in your journal. Soon a pattern will emerge that can enable you to find healthy habits to replace the harmful ones.

3. Look for other activities that would satisfy the "when" and "why." A hot bath for stress, hard candy for mouth sensation, a good book for activity, a warm bowl of soup for real hunger.

4. Make the undesirable activity difficult. Don't keep the cigarettes or ice cream in the house. When ice cream was in my own freezer, it was hard to resist, but when eating a dish of super chocolate chunk required a trip to the convenience store, it was much easier to turn my attention to other activities and a low calorie snack - if any snack at all.

5. Begin new habits not only because you need them to replace unhealthy ones, but also because they are the things you always wanted to do, but couldn't find the time or money. That book club or yoga class makes a great substitute for the eating or smoking, and you can more than pay for your health club membership with what you save on cigarettes.

Pay it Forward

Pay It Forward - as an Expression of Universal Gratitude

While many of us recognize the expression "Pay It Forward" from the 2000 movie of that name, the concept is an ancient one. Benjamin Franklin described the process:

I do not pretend to give such a Sum; I only lend it to you. When you meet with another honest Man in similar Distress, you must pay me by lending this Sum to him; enjoining him to discharge the Debt by a like operation, when he shall be able, and shall meet with another opportunity. I hope it may thus go thro' many hands, before it meets with a Knave that will stop its Progress. This is a trick of mine for doing a deal of good with a little money.

The actual words "pay it forward" are used to describe this sequence by Robert Heinlein in a 1951 novel - perhaps the first use of this phrase.

We have reason to have infinite gratitude to the Universe for everything we have and everything we are, yet we cannot repay the Universe. We have gratitude for our distant ancestors, yet cannot repay them. We have gratitude to our parents for our very life, and to our parents or other caregivers for our nurture, yet we cannot repay them in kind. We may have many other gratitudes that, for one reason or another, cannot be repaid to those who were so generous to us.

Pay It Forward. Gift future generations in proportion to our gratitude. The nature of life is that we pay forward our biological creation and nurture. Our parents gift us with life and nurture, and we gift our children with life and nurture. While this much is essential to continued human existence, choose to take "pay it forward" farther - much farther.

Consider making "pay it forward" a way of life. As we have observed many times, expectation (demand) is always a cause of suffering. Rather than "expecting" to be repaid when we "loan" something to someone, consider the "loans" we make to be forward payments for the "loans" we received from our ancestors, nurturers and others. Request that any "loan" that we make be repaid FORWARD, when the recipient is able, and then completely forget about the "loan." It is no longer our business if, when, or how the "loan" is repaid - or is not repaid.

Bye Bye Mr Summer

There.  It's fixed.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for new ways re-acting to domestic strife.  Something happened yesterday that previously, I would have gone crazy.  This time, I only went nuts.  And then got over it.

that it's finally autumn.  This has been the hottest year on record in Houston and Texas.  We've had less than half the normal rainfall since last October and there are millions of dead trees just in and around Houston. 

It's sad to see.

that I went to see Midnight in Paris.  There are a few parallels to aspects of recovery in this movie.

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first. 

- William Shakespeare

Staying Fit

There.  It's fixed.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I realized only yesterday that I experienced major behavioral changes after I had completed my 9th step.  In addition, as I learn more about the 10th step and keep it in practice, I automatically monitor my own behavior and keep those changes in place.

for faith and hope, without which I have ...  fear

for the ease with which I seem to make friends in my recovery world.  That never rarely happened in my drinking life.

that it no longer matters which side of the bed I wake up on.  What matters is what I do when I get out of bed.

The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.

- Anonymous

It's all about Attitude

There.  It's fixed.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for my little mantra about having and keeping a positive attitude.  Find it on the top of the right-hand column.  It has served me well and I think it is important to show newcomers that it's possible to be Happy, Joyous and Free in sobriety.  This doesn't mean that I'm always having a Doris Day, but when I'm in our AA clubhouse, I do my best.

that my problems are so much smaller than most of the people with whom I am in contact.  However, they are still problems and they are still mine!

for solutions (I like to include this often)

for the simple fact that I'm still writing some sort of a gratitude list after 8 years of sobriety

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.

- Zig Ziglar

just thinkin'

There. It's fixed.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that there's laughter in the rooms (I bet you know what I mean)

that we're only 2 months from the Houston Roundup (a weekend AA/Al Anon convention for the local GLBT community).  I am co-chair this year and have been working actively on this event since February.  If you're interested in more detail, go to www.houstonroundup.org

for more opportunities to let no one steal my peace

that things happen the way they do for a reason.  Before recovery, I never knew this.  I wish I had known.

** notice to Carol at Three Routes ---  try as I have, I am not able to post a comment on your blog.  Glad you're back though.  

The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.

- William James

Observations

There.  It's fixed.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for restraint of tongue and pen and keyboard (most of the time)

that my best usually includes paying attention rather than getting attention

that I love to have fun in sobriety.  On Saturday, nine of us went on a "sober river float".  It was a 6 mile stretch of the Colorado River (west of Houston) and we took 5 1/2 hours to float that stretch.  Lotsa fun and I am quite sunburned.  Fellowship.  It's vital for this recovering alkie. 

that we finally! had some real rain; some on Saturday and some heavy rain right now!

To acquire knowledge, one must study;
but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.- Marilyn vos Savant

Trying to prevent anger ...

Stop Anger Before It Stops You - 7 Secrets
- jonathan lockwood huie

Being angry is as close as a human being can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- jonathan lockwood huie

Anger is something that each one of us has experienced - some of us only occasionally, some almost daily. Can we eliminate all anger? Probably not. We will always have expectations, and those expectations will often be unmet. Disappointment is the principle cause of anger. When we are disappointed, we look for someone to blame. Declaring someone to be at fault is the nature of anger. Anger is always directed at someone - possibly God or the non-specific they, but some animate entity.

You've told yourself a hundred times that you aren't going to get angry - really angry - ever again, but wham, you start to feel that telltale heat, locked shoulders, clenched jaw, shallow breathing. Someone has just done something really awful and you are angry at them. What now?

Here are my 7 Secrets to Stop Anger before It Stops You:

1. Recognize when you are angry: It may not immediately occur to you that you are angry. You know that you have been wronged, and you can see everyone around you take a step back, but especially if you are really angry, it may take a while to gain the clarity to acknowledge your anger. Anger clouds perception and thinking, so make a special effort to spot it early and put it into words, "I am angry."

2. Breathe deeply: Concentrate on taking slow deep breaths. Sometimes this is all it takes to break out of anger and gain clarity on the issue. At other times, breathing deeply is just a beginning, but it paves the way for the rest of the secrets.

3. Focus your anger: Get clear what you are angry about and who you are angry at. Talk to yourself, "I am angry at Joe because he ..." Don't let your anger expand onto innocent bystanders, especially those trying to help calm you down. Don't refocus your anger onto everything that Joe has ever done or failed to do.

4. Remember that you are in charge: Anger is an expression of frustration and helplessness. Remember that you always have options - you can design your own life. No one can steal your happiness - unless you let them.

5. Look for the silver lining: There is a silver lining to every disappointment. Your boss fired you and you are furious. Probably it was a blessing. Now you have the opportunity to get a better job that you really enjoy.

6. Consider forgiveness: Angry and happy don't mix. Flush out the angry, and the happy has a place to put down roots. Forgive everyone for everything in order to give anger and resentment a chance to fade. Forgive and you can become happy. Forgiving is not a gift to someone else - Forgiving is our gift to ourselves - a great gift - the gift of happiness.

7. Accept that Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair": Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be. Demanding that life meet our expectations is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence. Life is a game with no rules. Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions. To choose happiness, be open to receiving whatever life throws at you - with Gratitude. Have NO expectations of life.

Cows

Cows

Step 10

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my sponsees teach me so much.  A discussion from yesterday included ...

"This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.  We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.  We have entered the world of the Spirit.  Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness.  This is not an overnight matter.  It should continue for our lifetime.  Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.  When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them."

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 84

I rarely ask God (or my HP) to remove them.  At this point in my recovery, I have become aware when these crop up, but I deal with them and just move on.  More work for me.

An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox.

- Lao Tzu

And now,

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my health and financial situation allow me to enjoy doing the things I enjoy doing; these include yard work (at home and at my recovery center), attending recovery meetings during the day (every day), working with others and having fun with my cars.  This could change tomorrow.  But today, it's my reality.  It's quite a life.  Just ask Syd.  LOL

for a really good Al Anon meeting last night that focused on Tradition One - group unity

that keeping life simple is important to me but sometimes seems like a full-time job

for personal commitments

A good example is the best sermon.

- Benjamin Franklin

The Fear of Change

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that yesterday, I had the opportunity to lead a meeting I've never attended.  It is a discussion meeting.  If you ar enot familiar with that format, the leader initiates a topic for discussion and members talk about their experience with that topic (hopefully).

So I spoke about the fear of change.  I felt confident that most, if not all, of the people in the meeting would have some type of experience with the fear of change.  Certainly, at least with some type of fear.

I talked briefly about my fear of stopping drinking.  How I finally became more afraid to continue drinking that to stop drinking.  I mentioned the role of my Higher Power in that scenario.

Then I also brought up my experience with stopping smoking cigarettes.  I surely had to overcome some fears about stopping smoking!  What would I do after eating?  How would I keep my hands busy?  And so on.

So tell me.  What is a fear you have overcome/changed and how have you done it?

The full measure of a man is
not to be found in the man himself,
but in the colors and textures that
come alive in others because of him.

- Albert Schweitzer

More IS revealed

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for those of you who like the 12 steps.  Here's something that was brought to our attention yesterday at a meeting about Step 4.  It's found on pages 66/67 of the Big Book.

We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.  Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too.  We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.  When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man.  How can I be helpful to him?  God save me from being angry.  Thy will be done."

As many times as I have read this and countless times talked about it with others, I never noticed the question, "How can I be helpful to him?"

Damn, I have so much work to do on me!

"Never mistake motion for action."—Ernest Hemingway

Alive & Kickin'

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a really nice weekend, except for the weather (way too hot and dry)

for more chances to practice what I preach talk about

for boundaries in action

that I'm still alive.  The past month has seen a lot of death in my recovery environment.  Five people I know have died; (1) one [sober for 21 years] was murdered while on vacation in Australia (2) one [sober for 35 years] died of natural causes (3) one [sober for 27 years] died of leukemia (4) one [sober for 1 month] died from a fall at home
(5) one [not sober] died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound because he couldn't get sober. 
This morning, I'm going to the funeral of number 5.


Just stop it. Seriously.
Whatever it is. Just stop it.
If only for an hour, a day, a week.
Stop doing it long enough to get a glimpse
of what the change would actually look like.

- Mary Anne Radmacher

The Four Agreements

The Four Agreements

from the Toltec Teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz

1. Be Impeccable with your Word.

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself- or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment.  It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance simply do your best - and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves - agreements with other people - agreements with God - agreements with life.

But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are — how to behave - what is possible - and what is impossible.