Sunday, March 18, 2007

Give me more (please)

A picture from my last real celebration of St Patrick's Day, in 2004. This was at Griff's, a bar of which I am still a part-owner, albeit a silent investor these days.


One of the things that I have come to realize in my recovery is that I rarely have enough. It seems ingrained in me that more is better; more is necessary.

This ugly trait really rears its ugly head in my personal relationship with Hayden. If it didn't surface with him, it would be with someone else. It seems like when I get what I want or what I ask for, I still want more. It's like I can never be happy with what I have. It's something I'm working on and probably will be for the remainder of my days. Then, of course, Bill W. in all his wisdom, wrote about this very thing ...

"For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted."
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, page 71

"Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn't make me stronger."
-Lou Holtz

10 comments:

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Relationships can be INCREDIBLY powerful teachers if used wisely. They seem to magnify the weak !! areas. Either you become increasingly neurotic and nosedive, or you bite the bullet and go to ANY LENGTHS to do the 'next right thing'.
I think they are very cool. I think it's great that you have been give the opportunity to see this tendency so clearly in the way to relate to hayden. It's not pretty seeing this stuff, but the alternative is just to keep blindly stumbling around on auto pilot. It's difficult to compare this tendency without any examples, but I know I can desire assurances of some sort, despite that I would never consider asking for one. But generally, I expect very little. My difficulty can be coming to terms with being offered 'more'. That can be very difficult for me.
Anyway. Have a great Sunday!

lushgurl said...

Happy Day after birthday dAAve!
A friend in the program once shared that alcoholism is the disease of "more", and I could relate to her analogy so much. Why have two cookies, when you could have three...etc.
I agree also with the diversity thing, it seems that although I may not like it at the time, I do tend to learn my lessons via 'the tough times'
HUGS

Mary Christine said...

Living can be INCREDIBLY powerful. I hope you have a GREAT day. Oh, by the way, I APPROVE of you and this POST.

Pam said...

"take two they're small"...is a pill heads motto.
I have a sponsee with a 2 year old baby, she had to give him some Tylenol, and she kept wanting to give just a tad more than the directions....she's an alcoholic, and her "natural" instinct is "MORE IS BETTER"....

Scott W said...

I have that thing called self-entitlement. Funny that usually when I want to talk about it I can't remember the word.

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

I could never get enough myself either.

Trudging said...

Yep, happy B day

lash505 said...

I have put on the ugly head this weekend. Whats that song "I want it my way" so the ugly head screwed up my weekend. See I still blame it on something else other than me. ha

TherapyDoc said...

oh, friend, you probably just need to learn how to satiate in better ways.

a healthy appetite's a good thing.

Gwen said...

I know exactly what you mean. With everything. I am dieting so I can not drink enough diet soda. It is really sick!

Hope you have a great week.
Gwen~