This is from page 29 of Courage to Change. I really identify with it and it's been a good aid in my recovery.
"Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I'm trying to control someone else or whether I'm simply expressing my feelings is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what the response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable -- agrees with what I've said or takes my advice --- then I know I've lost my focus."
Gosh. Recovery ain't easy.
I hope your Halloween was good. And safe.