Saturday, September 05, 2009

Do you identify with any of these? part 1

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


BY THE WAY ... today I celebrate 2192 consecutive days (6 years) of living without any alochol in my body.

25 comments:

Madison said...

Very fun way to start a day. I especially like the best friend who clear the computer.

Debbi said...

"… a fine line between boredom and hunger." I know that one well!

Congratulations on six years of living sober! And thanks for your daily inspiration.

Scott W said...

Congratulations friend. I love you.

Boston said...

you're rad, dave. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Pam said...

Happy Happy Birthday Darlin'.
Six years is a long ass time.
God has truly been watching out for you.
Lovin' me some Dave.

Mary Christine said...

Happy Birthday David! You are someone who is so very very dear to me, so glad we are on this planet together. XXXOOO, MC

Patty said...

Congratulations on six years of continuous sobriety I am very happy for you. Great list too!

Tall Kay said...

I can identify with every one! Especially the joy of celebrating another year of sobriety! Happy Birthday my friend. Enjoy your special day!

Findon said...

Happy birthday daave. Well done and thank you for the example and the humour.

godisorheisnt said...

Happy Birthday!

From an *old* blogger friend.

Todd HellsKitchen said...

By the way... that's AWESOME!

Trailboss said...

Congrats Dave.

God Is said...

Happy Birthday!

From an *old* blogger friend.

Ed G. said...

Congrats!!!

Blessings and aloha...

Syd said...

Great stuff from your list. But the greatest is your six years. Many congratulations to you Dave. You are an inspiration in so many ways.

Recovery Road London said...

Good work fella. You talk it, walk it and you're the hand of AA...as per the instruction manual. I love you, Dave.

Raechelle said...

Yes to many of those! And big congrads on the 6 years!

Carol said...

Congrats, my computer woke up to celebrate with you.

My favorite movie is Tender Mercies and I cannot watch it with anyone because I will hear no criticism. And sometimes I have to cry with abandon. I also sing along.

For the first time today, I actually got into the shower before I turned it on and I wondered what the big deal is. And now you are mentioning it in a blog. Hmmm. Maybe we really only have about 1000 thoughts and our heads collided today.

big Jenn said...

Congratulations Dave,and I really did laugh out loud! jeNN

garden-variety drunk said...

happy birthday dave! and yes, i relate.

Steve E. said...

dAAve, congratulations on your anniversary Number SIX!

Seems I am 1 hour late, but......it ain't the first time I've been "late".

dailypiglet said...

congrats to you dave, i wish you many more....

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Happy so-birthday!!!!!

Mary LA said...

Love you and congrats! It has taken me 25 tries to post this from the Overberg.

Mary LA

Hope said...

Happy Birthday!