Wednesday, January 31, 2007
not just dreaming ...
my idea of a real snowmobile
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that I get to watch myself become a different person from the inside
that this Saturday, for an hour, it's all about me. I relate what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. The last part is very much different than the last time I told my story, 2 years ago. And I get to do it on the district level (pride & ego).
for a nice visit with Angela at Starbuck's
that I am in the early planning stages of a trip to Trinidad & Tobago (CLICK FOR PIX) -- it's a one day business trip and 5 or 6 day pleasure trip to be with Hayden and enjoy the other sites (beach) -- if anyone wants to join us or meet us there, let me know -- a few friends from my AA center are planning to go and we can all make it One Big Sober Party
for the following excerpt from Shannon's blog ...
My friends A and C went back out. I am so scared for them. A told me, she knows why, she said, she stopped going to meetings and calling people, and when she was in a bar a few weeks ago (which they never go to bars) and she had this urge like she never felt before, the urge to drink, and she felt like she had to unleash it. She said she convinced her husband it was ok, and then after she did, he did too. That is how fast it can happen. I hear this in meetings all the time when people go back out, and then come back to meetings. They always say, that they stopped going to meetings, stopped talking to their sponsor and friends, they stopped reading the literature, and finally they stopped praying. They go back out. And with in a short time, they end up worse than they were to begin with.
Nuff said.
that tomorrow is hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy - hope to see ya there
I like the dreams for the future better than the history of the past. -Thomas Jefferson
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
The Total Package
for a great AA 4th step meeting led by the inimitable Bob S. (30+ years without a drink); I shared that the most valuable lesson I get from working and practicing the 4th step is looking at my part in everything that happens in my life -- good and bad
for a laid-back Monday followed by today; I don't have a clue what lies in store for me today, but I know I can handle it, hopefully with some grace and aplomb
for the word ... aplomb
for the thoughts on life and living that I didn't have a concept of even a month ago -- I am changing!!
that everything I experience on this journey is part of my
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.
-Robert Louis Stevenson
Monday, January 29, 2007
Come Fly With Me
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
for the 30 people who celebrated a combined total of 346 years of sobriety on Saturday Night at Lambda Center - they all celebrated January sober dates
that I am becoming more aware of the external events and situations that trigger me into isolating. My therapist is helping me to recognize these before they happen and we are coming up with little ways to prevent me from getting to "that bad place." Basically, it's like an advanced course in Awareness and Action. It will require help from others. Imagine that. I may have to ask a friend to help me sometime.
that I am still willing to attend some Al-Anon meetings and they are always worthwhile
-Bill Gates
Sunday, January 28, 2007
C Dior and a Joke
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. “Johnny, do you have a story to share?” “Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.
She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ‘till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?
“Stay away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.”
Saturday, January 27, 2007
No Ask, No Tell
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The Receptionist replied, "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Onward
that I have so much to be grateful for, although I have had a difficult time writing about those things lately
Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.
-Will Cuppy
Thursday, January 25, 2007
hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy
to hear some different thoughts on how us addicts escape from our problems through isolating, eating and other ways
that I had the opportunity to chair the noon meeting at Lambda (filling in for someone who couldn't make it)
that we all have different talents and can help others in various ways, remembering that virtually every human unit has some impact on someone else
that Gwen gave us a new topic of discussion on SOBRIETY SOCIETY
The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence, but by oft falling.
-Lucretius
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Money in the bank
that I had a very good day yesterday, nearly free of self-pity and low-esteem, basically back to my regular abnormalness
that on September 4, 2003, I finally knew how to keep from starting to drink again and that my HP was the key
that Mary Christine spilled green tea all over the conference table during a professional presentation yesterday -- apparently, she's human, just like me!
that I am not as friggin' dumb as the managers of the Legal Departments at either BEAL BANK or COMPASS BANK here in Houston. My Mom has money invested in accounts in both those banks. Money totalling about $95K. I have a Durable Power of Attorney that is accepted in every other legal, financial and medical institution that I have presented it to. However, those 2 banks will not accept my Mom's POA, which means they will not even accept her address change now that I have sold her home. She now lives in a nursing home. The mail they send her does not always get forwarded by the Post Office and is lost wherever mail goes to when not delivered. This includes the 2006 tax information that I need. Both Legal Departments insist she must show up in person to sign papers. I have explained she is an invalid and often doesn't even know her name, much less not being able to travel. They leave me with no alternative other than to hire a lawyer and sue their friggin asses. I will begin that action this month and may try to at least double her money because of the trouble they are putting me through.
There! Just need to vent a little. (this may eventually be an esteem builder LOL)
for a new topic - ALCOHOLISM IS A DISEASE, on Sobriety Society -- please drop in and give your two sense
that tomorrow is hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy -- if you want to participate and haven't yet gotten access please let Gwen know today
Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.
-Marian Wright Edelman
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The D Files
My self-esteem was / is at an all-time low. I don't know why this is, but it is very real to me. I am frustrated and confused. And it is as painful as anything I've ever felt. My psychiatrist has told me that my problems can be worked out through communication therapy and medications should not be necessary. I like that.
Part of the problem is that I am feeling things that used to be shielded by alcohol. This seems to be showing itself in two ways: (1) being incredibly over-sensitive to criticism and (2) the feeling that no one wants me in their midst. Regarding number 1, I find it interesting because I used to be an baseball umpire. I was constantly called every name in the book (a very thick book). Lately, it seems like everyone is criticising me throughout every day. No matter what I do, it's the wrong thing. I pray every day (multiple times now) to be shown the right things to do. But whatever I do, (it seems) someone finds it necessary to tell me how wrong I am. Or my low-esteem tells me what a loser I am. So I stay frustrated and want to remain away from humans.
This is stuff I'm trying to deal with. I just need to put that out there. I have good days and bad days. A couple of people have emailed me asking what's going on with me. I doubt that I am the only person ever to have these feelings and if writing about it can help someone, somehow, that's a good thing. I also know that if I can stay clean and sober and continue a conscious contact with my HP, this will pass. At least enough so that I can continue my intended path.
(the irony of the quote below is not lost on me)
The first and most important step toward success is the feeling that we can succeed.
-Nelson Boswell
Monday, January 22, 2007
Keeping it simple
to be sober today
HERE'S vetver, another new recovery blogger, drop in and say howdy!
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This Too Shall Pass.
unknown
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Enjoy flying?
His dream has become reality mainly because of 4 model-engines which were built under his wings. With these, he can fly at over 200km/hr and conquer mountain summits. During the flight, Yves's body becomes the likes of a bird and, other than a gas handle, Yves does not ride his wings but truly flies them, using various light body movements that he has learned to handle with perfection.
CLICK HERE for the website and a video performance.
submitted by Jessie Young Jr.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Beware! All bad drivers ...
I think ALL bad drivers should have their license revoked. Legally. By the court system. Who will be responsible for determining who is a bad driver? ME!! Of course.
If I single you out as a bad driver, you must go to court and a judge will immediately revoke your driving privilege (it is a privilege, you know, not a right). The judge already knows that if I send you to him, you deserve it. He will levy a fine for driving badly which will go towards the public transport system in your city. He will take your license and tear it up. You must now use your city's mass transit system. Take the bus. Take the monorail or streetcar (if you have one). Get a bicycle. Get there however you must. You just can't drive anymore.
This idea has some wonderful repercussions.
There will be millions of fewer cars on the road. Gasoline demand will be greatly reduced as well as harmful emissions from vehicles. All of the new road and bridge construction can be cancelled. Won't need all that now. In fact, I may be the only driver left on the road when this is all said and done.
Of course, there may be a few jobs lost in car and truck manufacturing. Suppliers may have to cut jobs and the trucking and shipping companies will have to cut back. A few construction jobs may be lost, but for the overall good cause (of course). I can overlook these little negative points on the economy because my serenity level shall remain high.
And I won't be shooting the finger at you again.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Spiritually drunk
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
for some AA brainstorming with 2 entirely opposite recovering alkies, yet arriving at the same conclusion
that when I make a commitment, I keep it (whatever it takes) unless my memory glands just totally quit operating
for a Step 6 meeting and some wildly different views on the way Bill W. wrote that chapter in the 12/12
that Scott W led a fine meeting about Serenity; I think many left that meeting feeling ... serene!
that Hayden can make me feel so good from 2558 miles away (I'll be visiting Trinidad & Tobago in early May if anyone wants to join me on the beach there for a few days)
to introduce another new recovery blogger, CAM PASSI ; he's from Lambda of course, here in Houston
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.
-Steve Bartkowski
Thursday, January 18, 2007
hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy
The Serenity Prayer was crucial at the beginning of my sobriety. I heard it and learned it at Lambda Center, a gay recovery center in Houston.
They both remain a large part of my recovery program today.
see more fellow HNT'ers at the new website -- CLICK HERE
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that I am still willing to do whatever it takes
that people with long-term recovery seem to have a better grip on how not to have another drink; so I am at least willing to listen to their experience
for the significance of Tradition One of Alcoholics Anonymous; without it, I would be dead
that I no longer have to deal with the craving to drink alcohol nor the obsession to stay drunk
that I have the right NOT to support my fellow AA'ers when they celebrate milestones, but I lose my right to expect their support
that the Houston area was spared the really terrible weather conditions that might have been
A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Things to remember
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that I had a psychic change when I needed it -- another example of my HP doing for me what I could not do for myself
that I never have to experience an alcoholic bottom again; also called incomprehensible demoralisation
that I don't go out of my way to behave in such a way as to set myself up for resentments - I have seen a rash of this over the past few days by people sending out unnecessary emails
that today I can carry on a relatively intelligent conversation with Hayden on the phone, every day and remember it! This is not like the old days.
that a weekday 12:15pm AA meeting @ Lambda Center is not complete when Scott W is not there
to discover Lounge Daddy - another recovery blogger
that tomorrow is hAAlf nAAked thursday - make sure to update your blog with the new URL
Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their ground.
-Anonymous
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
This year is flying by ...
Hollywood welcomes The Beckhams
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
for a couple of days of winter weather; that's enough for most of us down here
that I don't use the rooms of AA to preach or to push my opinions on others NOR do I feel the need to alter the published words of AA so that they fit my agenda
to add another recovery blog to the list - drop by and visit Mary Anne at One Primary Purpose
for sharing some Experience, Strength and Hope over breakfast with another Dave
that we had our annual Homeowner's Association meeting last night without any harsh words or particularly nasty accusations -- I have learned to just keep my damn mouth closed!
I do not understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us.
-Anne Lamott
Monday, January 15, 2007
Monday morning
more pictures from the pavement artist called
Julian Beever
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that somehow, I was able to overcome my usual weekend isolating trend. This was absolutely done by a power greater than myself. I wanted to isolate; I intended to isolate. But I never "got around to it" and was spared. God doing for me what I could not do for myself.
that it works if you work it
for a fine meeting about the connection between being powerless and the need to set personal boundaries (it was an Al-Anon meeting, LOL)
that I got to see our old home; now remodelled and upadated and beautiful
for vivid dreams that aren't nightmares or even bad stories
for the wisdom of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause and say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
NOTE: a reminder to all who participate in HNT, please update your links and URL's to reflect the new site/address.
The new address is http://haalfnaakedthursday.blogspot.com/
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Inner Resources
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, page 567
That has certainly been my experience. Because I pushed the concept of a Higher Power away from my thoughts and consciousness for all of my life, this inner resource never had the chance to make itself known to me. With sobriety and some clarity of thinking, my inner resource(s) have the opportunity to reveal themselves, in numerous, unsuspected ways.
It's my duty to myself to remain open minded and willing to receive. When I do, I grow.
Your thoughts?
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Some are sicker than others ...
You would have thought that I had just killed his family. He unleashed a barrage of insults to me (via email), concluding with damning accusations that I am a Republican gay basher and he will never talk to me again unless I make an amends to him (he's familiar with 12-step programs as he's a member of OA). Remember, all I asked is to be removed from his mailing list.
Yesterday, I was one of over 100 names copied on a email. A former drinking friend was asking if any of us wished to be removed from his bulk email list (he has a new business and often sends out financial solicitations). I replied that I would appreciate being removed from his list. He quickly sent a reply stating that he was very hurt and offended that I wanted off his list because he knows he has some great investment information to send me from time to time. Remember, he's the one who initiated the proposed removal in the first place.
WTF?
If it's about changing people, places and things, these 2 guys make that choice a bit easier.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Sliding into home...
"the computer"
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that I had a stress-free and peaceful day
for some "illuminating" insight(s) from my therapist
that I have a lifetime of brainwork ahead of me and it doesn't all have to be done today!! yippeeee!!
that Gwen of TWELVEBEADS created a new hAAlf-nAAked thursday site for those of us who participate; contact her for access to the new dashboard. Also, this is a reminder to adjust the URL in your links on your own websites.
for my new home phone, expandable to up to 10 handsets -- my first call was from DF, whom you may otherwise know as THIS GUY
The beginning is the most important part of any work.
-PlatoThursday, January 11, 2007
hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy
The Wall of dAAve
visit more HNT photos
when you CLICK HERE
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
for Hope and Faith and the knowledge that they are real
that Step 3 and all its implications are the primary ingredient to my peace and serenity for the coming year. I now know this, so I can give it special attention. Without this awareness, I might just continue through my days rudderless.
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over
to the care of God as we understood Him."
that my daily life can calm down again for a few months
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
-Earl Wilson
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
another chapter
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that we had a great dinner together last night at a small restaurant -- something we rarely do
that Tab has returned as Cupcake Monkey ... Continues
that this is Day 90 as a non-smoker -- it's been easier and more pleasurable than I could have ever imagined (remember now, I smoked for 36 years, 3 packs/day and stopped cold turkey)AMAZING!
If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
Doug LarsonTuesday, January 09, 2007
some thoughts ...
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
for a really good meeting yesterday morning about emotional hangovers
that Hayden's 3-week visit has provided me with a whole new list of character defects to hand over to my HP
for the good feelings I get when I actually Do The Next Right Thing
that we had the chance to drop by and visit my Mom unexpectedly
Envy someone and it pulls you down.
Admire them and it builds you up.
Which makes more sense?
Monday, January 08, 2007
Kicking myself over and over
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that I am sober and smoke-free -- I am going through a very, very difficult emotional period, but I know that drinking will not help and I'm not even tempted to drink -- that is a miracle!
that I was finally able to talk to my sponsor about what is bothering me. It's this damn relationship, of course. I don't want to bother anyone about it, and I can't figure out what to do by myself, so I sit and conjure up every negative possibility I can think of, and then some. I know better than to do this, but I do it anyway, so I deserve what I get. Right? Then I feel sorry for myself and the viscious circle continues.
that we had volunteers to fill all open Board positions at Lambda (elections were held Saturday)
for a weekend visit from one of Hayden's best friends from Trinidad
that I got to see Roger Clemens standing in front of me at Starbuck's, waiting for his latte just like a normal human - LOL
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you'll help them to become what they are capable of becoming.
-Goethe
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Cities in Texas
Maybe other states have as many weirdly named towns too; I don't know.
Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gunshot, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas
Need to be cheered up?
Happy , Texas 79042
Smiley , Texas 78159
Paradise , Texas 76073
Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987
Why travel to other states? Texas has them!
Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
New Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861
Feel like traveling outside the country? Don't bother buying a plane
ticket!
Canadian , Texas 79014
China , Texas 77613
Egypt , Texas 77436
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460
We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth , Texas 79031
And a city named after our State!
Texas City , Texas 77590
Exhausted?
Energy , Texas 76452
Need Office Supplies?
Staples , Texas 78670
Men are from Mars, women are from
Venus , Texas 76084
You guessed it.. it's on the state line..
Texline , Texas 79087
For the kids ...
Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie , Texas 77665
Other interesting city names in Texas:
Beeville , Texas 78102
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Buda , Texas 78610
Cactus , Texas 79013
Mercedes , Texas 78570
Nixon , Texas 78140
Telephone , Texas 75488
Whiteface , Texas 79379
White Deer, Texas 79097
Muleshoe, Texas
Dime Box, Texas
submitted by Jessie Young, Jr.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Judging Others
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake."
"And why's everyone so quiet,so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He,
"they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you."
Judge NOT.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Last call
HAVE A
GREAT
WEEKEND!!
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that my little illness was just a 24-hour bug; I've sure had it a lot worse than this one
I'm short of time and will be away from home most of the day. So I shall leave you with this from the Big Book, Chapter 7, Working With Others...
"We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immenseldly relieved when he finds we are not witchburners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity."
The whole worth of a kind deed is in the love that inspires it.
-The Talmud
Thursday, January 04, 2007
hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy
that life is a lesson and the homework never stops
that we had the opportunity to hear a young Russian man tell of his adventure into alcoholism
for Hayden's natural instincts at nursing - I am the world's worst patient and he just takes care of me anyway
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
-William James
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
perception
My own personal angel doing a little dance on New Year's Eve.
The outfit might loosely be regarded as that of a gladiator.
And I mean loosely.
(click on the pic for a closeup)
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that I got to spend a little time with my Mom and then visit my sister at her new home
for the concept of pause when agitated
that I can be reminded of my Incredibly Short Memory in so many ways
that my perceptions are rarely based on reality -- this is something that I fight daily and especially now that I am back in a relationship
for Step 4 of the A.A. program - my resentment preventer
that Grace is back blogging; CLICK HERE to say hellothat tomorrow is
It is the still, small voice that the soul heeds, not the deafening blasts of doom.
-William Dean Howells
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
The way it should be ...
a New Year's Eve picture -
I won't say who is who
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
for the awareness of the importance of certain benchmarks which lie in my path of recovery
that we (you and I) have both survived another holiday season
for a full house at the noon meeting yesterday (many peeps off work still)
for a nice house party (at Steve C's) with good food and fellowship
for lessons I get constantly from Hayden
that I got to watch a lot of The Twilight Zone 24-hour marathon on the Sci-Fi channel
Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, it's not the end.
-Unknown
on another note ... Tab, of Cupcake Monkey, has decided to retire her blog as of today; a fate which will eventually befall each of us. Tab, thanks for the memories!
Monday, January 01, 2007
another blonde joke ...
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"
So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one..... right here." Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall, " Amy explains very confidently. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?" She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says:"I guess it's to hang your pants on......
In the beginning ...
that 2006 was a fantastic year for me in so many ways
for an opportunity to experience another year on this planet
for an opportunity to practice these principles in all my affairs
that we brought in the new year at Lambda Center with about 75 other sober people
that Sadaam Hussein will have no further opportunities
for my new red leather vest
(I would love to have seen that cow!)
There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.
-Zora Neale Hurston