Boundaries

"I thought for a long time that boundaries were like rules I made for other people to follow.  But I never really had much luck in getting people to do what I think they should do.  It wasn't till I came to AA that I learned that boundaries are really agreements I make with myself.  It's the commitment I make to myself about what I will do if a particular situation happens again -- whether it's with the same person over and over, or the same situation but with different people.  The boundary is the agreement I make with myself, not a rule for them.  And it doesn't always have to be a big exit or something.  It can be as simple as a smile and changing the subject.  But my boundaries never started becoming firm until I learned that they weren't about making other people do -- or not do -- something.  It was about what I would do -- or not do.  When I got that, that's when my boundaries started working.  That's when they became real.  And I got better."


~~ unknown