Vomit

I hope all of you experience a good ending to this calendar year.

At 7pm I have the honor of chairing a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Unless someone suggests otherwise, we'll be sharing our Experience, Strength and Hope about practicing the principles of AA in all of our affairs. Each and every day, in everything we do.

After that meeting I will attend a sober party at Lambda Center. This is where my life was saved over 3 years ago. I will savor these few hours as I get to spend them with the love of my life, my own personal angel. He drinks but he's not an alcoholic. We will probably go to a bar at some point during the evening and that's OK. I am in a good spiritual condition and will be with someone who loves me and supports me. Besides, he's going all out tonight with a new costume. (pictures to follow soon) I don't remember our first New Year's Eve together as I was in a blackout. Nothing unusual there. I was a blackout drinker for over 30 years.

There's a year-ending topic over at SOBRIETY SOCIETY. Drop by and comment.

I have posted these pictures previously. They are a good reminder.
To some of you, they may look eerily familiar.

Take care. See you tomorrow. Next year.

and Sadaam makes three ...

The old saying is that death comes in three's.


I had mentioned that to a friend after James Brown died on Christmas Day and again the next day after President Ford died.I didn't know Sadaam Hussein would complete the trifecta.

Milestones 2006

I am grAAteful & thAAnkful ...

It was a very growth-oriented year for this recovering alcoholic. These are my highlights for 2006, both good and not-so-good.

FEBRUARY - my sister and I transferred our mother from a nursing rehab center to a more permanent and comprehensive nursing facility with a private room

MAY - a simple, one-hour breakfast meeting with my sponsor whereupon he said just what I needed to hear about Rule 62 - Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously. He asked me to write what that statement meant to me. The thoughts that my writing produced led me to do some travelling; basically, getting out of my 3-year-old comfort zone. This led to more journey's outside of the box.

JUNE - I sold my Mom's home (my childhood home) which my parents designed and had built in 1962. It took me 3 months to throw away and/or distribute 4+ decades of memories.

JUNE - Scott W. and I took a 3-day trip to New York City. My first-ever time there; Scott used to live there (many years ago). We got to meet JJ.

JUNE - I was re-elected to the Board of Directors of Lambda Center as Secretary-Elect. In January, I become Secretary until January 2008.

AUGUST - After an absence of 2 years and 9 months, Hayden came to visit for 25 days. Almost as soon as he arrived, we both knew instinctively that this was where he is supposed to be. We both knew that we were doomed supposed to be together. We made that committment.

SEPTEMBER - I celebrated my 3rd year of adult life without alcohol.

SEPTEMBER - Rodney and I went to NYC for 5 days. This time, I was the veteran.

OCTOBER - After reading "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking", I became a non-smoker on 10/10/06. This (hopefully) ended a 36-year, three pack-per-day smoking habit.

DECEMBER - Hayden returned to Houston for the holidays and a 3-week visit.

DECEMBER - I began the year with one AA sponsee. I end the year with three.

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living, the other helps you make a life.
-Sandra Carey

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

A.A. logo ring + A.A. logo watch =

Unity, Service, Recovery

for more HNT pix, Click HERE

NOTE: I cannot currently access the dashboard to the HNT site because I have switched to the new vesion of Blogger. Their improvements may look just fine to the programmers and bosses as they sit in their little cubicles, but users like me dislike it very much!

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a really good meeting on living in the moment

for growth that can only come through pain;

it seems to be more lasting that way

for Step 3

for a general willingness to deal with feelings that I've never dealt with as a sober person

Self-trust is the first secret of success.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Taking a breather ...

An archeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first politician.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that while I drank by myself, it only takes two to make WE

that AA meetings don't have to have a lot of humans present in order to be effective

that I don't make New Year's resolutions; if I am going to start doing something OR stop doing something, why procrastinate?

that we went to a dinner party -- there was a drunk there who made a serious fool of himself -- I am sooooo grateful to be in sober and in recovery!

that I am being coerced to get out of my comfort zone - with mixed success

that I don't have a Christmas tree to dispose of

for some cold weather (cold for Houston)

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

-Carl Jung

Miracles

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a peaceful and sweet Christmas day with Hayden --- certainly a first-time experience for us (our first Christmas together was neither peaceful nor sweet; it was during my 33rd and last year of drinking)

for lunch @ Lambda Center with about 80 recovering alcoholics

that I have so many of life's lessons available to learn if and when I'm ready to learn them

that practicing Step 3 (A.A.) just has to be part of my daily experience

Miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly hard for them.
-Chaim Weizmann

M4M

If you don't like to see men kissing men,
well, you'll figure out what to do. I don't need to tell you.
Otherwise click here.

Christmas Monday

on this ChristmAAs dAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

to be celebrating my 4th consecutive Christmas without consuming alcohol; my first without tobacco

for the support of my few non-alcoholic friends, including my Mom, Hayden, Liz and Jessie

for a wonderful and cozy dinner with my friends at Bob's home Saturday night

for an increasing understanding of the term "the wisdom to know the difference"

Life's most urgent question is:
What are you doing for others?
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Stand Under the Missletoe

click on the pic

Night before Christmas

Is you redneck?

or

Is you politically correct?

CLICK on the PIC

Simon sez ...

OK, here's a place where you can tell Santa just what you want him to do.
Go ahead, CLICK HERE -- you know you want to!

Reminders

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a fine meeting about Step 4 yesterday -- it gave me the following reminders ...

...a reminder of the term "index of maladjustments"
...a reminder that I will never have enough
...a reminder of the common symptoms of emotional insecurity (worry, anger, self-pity, depression)
...a reminder that my ego insists on dominating others OR depending on them far too much

for an hour with my therapist that went much too quickly

for lunch with friends -- a particular event that has become a holiday tradition now (for me)

a busy, yet relaxed afternoon and evening with Hayden

You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
-Unknown

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

My Santa made it through customs and immigration in record time yesterday. I didn't even have time to finish my coffee. Damnit.
But we stopped long enough to take this picture so I would have something to post this morning.

see a whole lot more coffee drinkers
at

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I could read some biblical passages to my Mom while visiting her --- I am not religous but she is and it's NOT all about me! LOL

that Hayden made it here safe and sound and now has some days to relax

for a good AA meeting about personal boundaries AND THEN the chance a few hours later to not only verbalize a few boundaries but to assert them

that I took the plunge and switched over to the new Blogger - it's OK so far

Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter.
-Bono

Reconstruction

from ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS,
page 215 (4th edition)

"How does prayer fit into this thing?"
"Well," he answers, "you've probably tried praying like I have. When you've been in a jam, you've said, 'God, please do this or that,' and if it turned out your way that was the last of it, and, if it didn't, you've said 'There isn't any God' or 'He doesn't do anything for me.' Is that right?"

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I've gotten past telling my Higher Power what he/she needs to do if he/she wants me to gain acceptance of a person, place, thing, event or situation

that I will stop for a visit with my Mom on the way to the airport to pick up Hayden

that Hayden is such a fine dancer (see post below)

that BRAD of This Unmanageable Life celebrated his 1 year AA birthday yesterday

that I do this list each weekday -- early in my sobriety, I heard that it's impossible to be grateful and angry at the same time and I am now a firm believer in that

for all of your kind and constructive comments during my recent mental meltdown

that I have finished all of my holiday shopping (I think)

tha tomorrow is

You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
-Christopher Robin to Pooh

Elf of Trinidad

Hayden gets here today and wants to wish you a Merry Christmas.

CLICK

thanks to Scott for finding this funny little website

Are we having fun yet?

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my depression lessened yesterday and I returned to abnormal

for a very good meeting about the Fourth Step; heard some valuable reminders

that I made an appointment to see a therapist later this week

for a very sweet phone call from Liz in the UK. I didn't send her a card this holiday season because I had too much on my mind. Me.

that an acquaintance showed his true colors when he felt the need to throw personal insults at me simply because I don't agree with his bigoted and extremist politics; I have now included him in a prayer like you guys told me to do.

that I had my plush carpet professionally cleaned yesterday for the first time in 3 1/2 years ---- arghhhh!!!

that we're getting some needed rain in Houston but without matching cold temperatures

Without the rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Santa Boot Camp

I stole this video from Santa.

Santa Claus Boot Camp

Getting back on track ...

I live 100 yards from an intersection with a 4-way stop (stop signs on all 4 corners). As I sat outside yesterday afternoon, I watched as 2 drivers both ran their respective stop signs and the cars collided.
The damage was not too serious. But it was so damn avoidable. Why don't people obey the law?

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a well-attended gift-exchange evening at Lambda

that I am taking action today to address some mental and emotional issues

that I got out of my house long enough to go listen to a friend speak for an hour about her Experience, Strength and Hope with depression -- she concentrated on years 15-18 of her recovery

that I was able to uphold all committments over the weekend (except for parties) despite my mental meltdown

that today is moving day for my sister into her new home

that I am not dumb enough to go hiking in the Rocky Mountains in December during a snowstorm and then have to be rescued, wasting hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
-Oscar Wilde

Between you and me ...

I've got this problem and I don't know how to handle it.
If I talk about it, then it's all about me and I don't want to be self-centered. But if I don't talk about it, I'm not following your instructions about recovery.

I plummetted right back into my selfish isolating yesterday. I had breakfast with Scott and Matt and even mentioned it to them. I thought maybe things would level out if I told them. But it just got worse. The day wore on and so did my mind.

The problem is that I have no problems. Maybe I am now in the position of needing to create a problem when there's not one. I hear people talk about self-sabotage.
I'm sober and active in AA.
My Mom is seriously ill but I do all I can for her.
I'm relatively healthy; don't even have a doctor.
I'm retired; no work problems to deal with.
I have money and no debt; no problems there.
I have the love of my life returning home; that's all good.

What I don't have is self-esteem. That's what I've identified as the problem. I know in my heart of hearts that you don't want me around. It doesn't matter what you say because I know you are just being nice. You're a nice person, so of course you'll say the right things to me. But if you have a choice, you don't want me anywhere around your space. So I try to stay away as much as possible without going into isolation.
I show up where I am supposed to be. Physically I am there. I go through the motions and try to hide my true feelings. I don't want you fretting over me and wasting your time. But you don't know what's going through my head. I will leave you alone (when I can get away with it) because I know you don't want me to invade your life.
I am passing up attending a number of Christmas parties because I know that you only invited me out of a sense of obligation. Or just that you're a nice person. You don't really want me there. So I sit at home or go to an AA meeting, wishing I could be like others and knowing that will never happen. And when I feel this way, I don't want my negative vibes to rub off on you, so I avoid you even more.

It's a viscious circle. And a dangerous one.
Hopefully, it's one that will pass. It always has before.
So now I have laid myself out there, warts and all.
I also know that I'm a good person (relatively) with good intentions.
I've been praying a lot for a solution.

English lesson

I know people who can speak multiple languages. One of my best friends when I lived in Holland spoke 7 languages, all fluently. Hell, I'm still trying to learn English.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France (surprise!).

Sweetmeats are candies (or nuts) while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig .

And, why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

Calypso

I'm a fan of Calypso music, having spent some time in Trinidad & Tobago over the years. Here's a little clip of Harry Belafonte and Nat King Cole from 1957, called
Momma Look a Boo Boo

Carols

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

Schizophrenia
Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder
We Three Kings Disoriented

Dementia
I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and ...

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

Borderline Personality Disorder
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Attention Deficit Disorder
Silent night, Holy- oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

Paranoid
Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

Because ...

Damn !
(because he can)

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that we had a really good meeting at 6:30am yesterday-- there were 3 of us discussing Tradition 3, and to the best of my knowledge, all of us stayed sober all day after that meeting
(because we can)

that today is MC's Birthday!! Yea!!! Drop by and visit her at Anonymous Alcoholic.
(because you can)

to be asked to tell my AA story (the one hour version) at the local District 20 meeting in February
(because I can)

that I have 4 (count 'em, four!) AA meetings on my agenda for today
(because I can use them)

that another politician HOPEFULLY buried his chances of re-election when he expressed his feelings about Senator Johnson's stroke. He hopes the Senator recovers soon so that the balance of power remains in the Democratic party. This man showed no concern for the Senator's life, or the effect of his stroke on his family. It was all about politics. Unfrigginbelievable how these guys keep getting elected.
(because they can)

We may not be able to give much but we can always give the joy that springs in a heart that is in love with God.
-Mother Teresa
(because she can)

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

Scott and me posing yesterday at Lambda Center. This photo leaves a lot to be desired, but it's nothing to drink over.

visit some other non-drinkers at



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a meeting about the Twelfth Promise - God is Doing For Me What I Could Not Do For Myself

to also know that God will NOT do for me what I CAN do for myself

that I was able to put a finger on my recent emotional dis-ease -- I was not actively praying my little short prayer each morning on awakening

to get to hear my sponsor tell a little bit of his AA story yesterday

that I was fortunate enough to see and be a fan of actor Peter Boyle through his roles in Young Frankenstein and especially as Frank Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond. Boyle died Tuesday night at the age of 71.

that I have not switched over to Beta Blogger - I (and others) am having mucho trouble posting comments on the blogs of my friends who are using Beta and I absolutely hate the fact that they are not receiving the wisdom of my Experience, Strength and Hope

that I love to BS

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
-Robert Orben

Boo Blogger Beta, Boo

I am not impressed with this Blogger Beta thing.

On most blogs that I try to leave a comment, this is what I get after typing a comment, filling in my username and password .......

Could not log you in. Double check your password or try again later.

It's hardly worth the trouble to do comments now.

Pursuing happiness ...

"The shakes grew worse, and I looked at my watch -- six o'clock. It had been one o'clock when I last remembered looking. I'd been sitting comfortably in a restaurant with Rita, drinking my sixth martini and hoping the waiter would forget about the lunch order -- at least long enough for me to have a couple more."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, page 201

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that there are fewer things that I do today that I can't do with moderation (think about it)

that I am able to keep reminding myself about my powerlessness with my Mom's illness; it is so damn frustrating for both of us (as many of you know)

for a fine AA meeting about Serenity yesterday -
what it is, how to get it and how to keep it

for internet voice chat - Hayden and I spoke for 42 minutes last night and it was free (he's in Trinidad)

to have someone in my life that I can talk to for 42 minutes - if you know me, you know that I absolutely hate talking on the telephone

that tomorrow is

that I finally finished the list that is below - I have no idea why it was so difficult for me; only my therapist could tell you (if I had a therapist)

The U.S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.
-Benjamin Franklin

Weird things

Well, I haven't done one of these in a while and I guess it won't hurt too bad. I got tagged by Designer Girl (It's a Girl Thing) first.

6 Weird Things About Me ...

1) I sucked my thumb til I was 11 years old
2) I pay an inordinate amount of attention to car license plates and registration stickers. In the old days, I could tell you what month you bought your car and sometimes even where you bought it, just from the plate and/or sticker.
3) Most young boys want to be a policeman, fireman or a doctor when they grow up. When I was a kid my goal was to grow up to be a parking lot attendant, parking cars.
4) I hate broccoli. I love spinach.
5) I like stickers.
6) it has taken me 3 days of hard thinking just to come up with this small list (now, I know and you know that there are hundreds of weird things that I could list here, so why have I found it so difficult? hmmmmm)

TAG you're it! I'm tagging Ricky (OneDayOneStep), Scott (Sober Nuggets), Brad (This Unmanageable Life), Lee (Eau de Humanity), Joey Destino and Jason (Jason's Room).Here are the rules: Each player of this game starts with the 6 Weird Things About You. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 Weird Things as well as state this rule clearly. Of course, by now, everyone on the internet has completed this damn thing!

A Spoonful of Gratitude

I suppose I might have used this photo on hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy, but since I am not included in the picture ...


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a 6:30am meeting about Honesty and a noon meeting on Step 3 yesterday -- a great pair of topics for a Monday (and the other 6 days too)

for lunch (chicken-fried steak, of course) with my sponsor and about 7 other recovering persons

that I now have operational Christmas lights after hiring an electrician to determine that nothing was wrong except for a faulty light bulb -- I mentioned already that my thinking has been on the stupid side lately? At least I had some other work he could do whilst here.

that Jonathan (my life in tampa) celebrated his 100th sober day AND has now started painting (I relate to this)

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
that I ran across Mary Poppins while channel surfing last night -- and watched it!
I was 10 years old when the movie premiered in 1964 -- an age of innocence. I must have seen it a dozen times; my uncle was a film projectionist at a drive-in theatre. I do believe that it's been 40 years! since I last viewed it, although it had to share my viewing eyes with Marche de l'empereur, La (March of the Penguins) last night.

If I won't be myself, who will?
-Alfred Hitchcock

Swiss Alps

Bernese Alps, Switzerland

The formidable mountain system of the Alps stretches across much of central Europe, with seven countries claiming portions of the mountains within their borders: Germany, France, Switzerland, Italy, Liechtenstein, Austria, and Slovenia. The glacial landscape of the Bernese Alps, located in southwestern Switzerland, is well illustrated by this astronaut photograph. An astronaut took this picture by looking north-northwest while the International Space Station was over the Mediterranean Sea between Corsica and Italy.
Three of the higher peaks of the central Alps are visible: Jungfrau at 4,158 meters (13,642 feet); Moench at 4,089 meters (13,415 feet); and Eiger at 3,970 meters (13,025 feet).

Peeling Layers

The past 2 weeks I have been out of it.

There. I said it.
Isolated. Self-absorbed. Self-centered. Self-pitying.
For absolutely no reason that I know of. No reason!
So, what do I do about it? I beat myself up for it. I tell myself that I am not worthy of your friendship. That makes it easier for me to isolate. When I can isolate, my life can be all about me. I don't need to include you. When I don't include you, I can feel sorry for myself for being alone. And it goes on and on and on.
And because my self-esteem is near an all-time low, I feel stupid. I can't think right. I can't do things that are normally easy. I have been trying to write this meme about 6 Weird Things About Me for almost 2 days and I can't even do that! LOL Lord knows that there are 600 Weird Things About Me, yet I can't think of them.

The one thing I know for sure ... if I don't drink over all of this, It Shall Pass.
So I continue to go to meetings, pray to my Higher Power, read my AA literature and even talk to my sponsor. I chaired a meeting last night with about 100 in attendance. My intended topic was going to be about isolating and I would have told on myself to those listening. However, I asked if anyone had something they needed to bring up for discussion, and a young girl raised her hand. She was dealing with grief issues and thus, the meeting went in that direction. I did not feel a need to control it so that it was about my problems. Whew!

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the reminder that my HP did not bring me this far just to abandon me

that I am not one to give up

that I came out of my closet when I was 20 years old to my family and friends

for the Roy Orbison TV specials on PBS over the weekend

Anger or hatred is like a fisherman's hook. It is very important for us to ensure that we are not caught by it.
-Dalai Lama

This Crazy Place

Civilization is absolutely going nuts. I have no doubt the ACLU is representing this Texas teacher's aide.

by Jennifer Kent
BELLMEAD- A four-year-old hugged his teachers aide and was put into in-school suspension, according to the father. But La Vega school administrators have a different story.
Damarcus Blackwell's four-year-old son was lining-up to get on the bus after school last month, when he was accused of rubbing his face in the chest of a female employee.
The prinicipal of La Vega Primary School sent a letter to the Blackwells that said the pre-kindergartener demonstrated "inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment."
Blackwell says it's ridiculous that the aide would misread a hug from a four-year-old. Blackwell wrote to administrators demanding that the whole incident be expunged from his son's academic file because his son is too young to know what it means to act sexually.
David Davis, the executive director of the Advocacy Center in Waco tends to agree with Blackwell. He says assuming the boy has not had sexual encounters, or been inappropriately exposed to pornography, most four-year-olds are sexually innocent.
Blackwell got a response from the La Vega administration. The sexual references on the discipline referral were removed. But the thing that makes Blackwell most upset is they told him "your request for an apology by the aide and removal of all paperwork regarding this incident is denied." Now the young student's file will refer to the incident as "inappropriate physical contact." And Blackwell says he will continue to fight the district.
La Vega I.S.D. administrators told News Channel 25 they couldn't comment on this case because of student privacy issues.

Hollywood Squares

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
(for sound clips, scroll down)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley , you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point, and laugh.

CLICK HERE to listen to some classic sound clips from the show.

Christmas Carols

PC Christmas Carol titles ...

1. "I'm Dreaming of a Colorless, Non-Religious-Specific Day-Off in Winter"
2. "Let it Perform a Favorite Weather Pattern, Let it Perform a Favorite Weather Pattern, Let it Perform a Favorite Weather Pattern"
3. "O Quaint Town of Palestinian Joint Rule"
4. "5pm to 6am without noise"
5. "Yonder in the Haystack"
6. "I Visualized My Gynocentric Guardian Kissing a Non-Gender Specific Person who is Known to Wear a Red Suit"
7. "Supreme Being of Your Choice Rest Ye Merry Gentlepeople"
8. "Homo sapien of Crystallized Vapor"
9. "I Merely Desire a Pair of Incisors During the Last Full Week of December"
10. "Exuberance Directed to the Planet"
11. "Adorn the Vestibule"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
answers (if you must)
1. I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas
2. Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow
3. O Little Town of Bethlehem
4. Silent Night
5. Away in a Manger
6. I Saw Momman Kissing Santa Claus
7. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
8. Frosty the Snowman
9. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
10. Joy To The World
11. Deck the Halls

Gift Card Scam

A FEW DO'S AND DON'TS ...

Check your list and shopping habits twice: do not leave anything valuable in view in your car when you park, keep your purse/wallet and purchases with you at all times, and be aware of your surroundings.
If you choose to buy gift cards, read below for information on a new holiday threat from criminals.
Besides the usual shoplifting, purse snatching, and pickpocketing, crooks have now found a way to rob you of your gift card balance. If you buy gift cards from a display rack you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store, waiting a few days, then calling to see how much of a balance THEY have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", they then go online and start shopping.
You may want to purchase your card from a customer service person, where they do not have the gift cards viewable to the public.

Merry Christmas !!

All the way to the bank

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa

todAAy i AAm grAATeful & thAAnkful

that we (the nursing home staff and myself) made a decision to try some new methods to treat my Mom and her depression (she has not been doing well lately)

for breakfast with my sponsor; for his support and wisdom

that, because of being sober, I get to have new feelings about old situations even at the age of 52

that I heard this at an AA meeting: "I didn't stop drinking because I finally had enough to drink. I stopped because I couldn't get enough." Boy, do I understand that!!

tht some of you guys will give me some feedback on ...
the new version of Blogger. Have you made the jump? Good? Bad?

that this week marks 2 years of doing this blog; I began 2 days after Scott W -- THIS is my first real post

that I am nothing, if not consistent -- the Good & the Bad

Most of us spend our lives as if we have another one in the bank.
-Ben Irwin

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

One of my Christmas gifts to myself.
Meet my Pavilion Slimline from who else besides ...
HP.

visit the other exhibitionists at


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I got to hear a great AA story (qualification) yesterday, told with insight, honesty and humor

that I could continue breathing yesterday when I had my head so far up my ass that I could actually see my nicotine-stained lungs

that no matter how bad I perceive my high-class problems to be, they ain't shit

that I told on myself to my sponsor

for remembering that today is the anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day - a day which will live in infamy (many people who read this will not have a clue what I am talking about and that is unfortunate)

The mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work unless it's open.
-Unknown

Mittwoch

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your Dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those.
Santa


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the Eyes Wide Shut meeting I attend every weekday morning at 6:30 -- yesterday we only had 4 people, but it was a very powerful meeting punctuated with honesty

for the first few hundred drunks who unwittingly became the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous

that life's lessons continue all around me if I care to look

that I got my first Christmas Card in the mail (from a friend, not a business)

for help from a recovering alkie (who is a geek) in setting up my new computer 'cause I could not do it properly

The thing about creativity is, people are going to laugh at it. Get over it.
-Twyla Tharp

Secret Cowboys

Did you enjoy Brokeback Mountain?
Did you hate Brokeback Mountain?

just CLICK here

more letters to santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky". That's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do; through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I am back online

that I relapsed into sobriety 3 years & 3 months ago after a 33-year drinking binge

for some extreme tests of my patience (or lack of it)

I believe that I have determined what will be the death of me.
Packaging.
Boxes I can't get open. Hard-plastic blister packs molded shut that only a jet-powered incinerator can open. Just about any retail product that is packaged is a major project for me to open.
'nuff said.

that I have the resources to "have things" and "get things" that come in new packaging

that Jane is back at "detox on the rocks"
-- please welcome her back into the cyber-rooms

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on the way.
-Carl Sandburg

MONDAY - late

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I've been able to chair some meetings the past few days

that I was able to get a new computer after I fried the motherboard on my 2 year-old system while surfing some internet sites that I probably should not have been looking at -- oh well!

that I was forced to do some things besides spend time on the internet

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Jogging with Bill

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua.
But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.
"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton .

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!" And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog! As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He soon realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker! Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...
"See what you get for five bucks!?"

Idle Thoughts

GROWING OLDER ...

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass?? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible. And I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a moment to remember all my friends who hae died from HIV/AIDS over the past 25 years and that today's technology and drugs can make it possible for so many to live relatively normal lives - click for more info on World AIDS Day

for my spiritual connection - it makes all things possible

for a nice lunch with da boys yesterday

that my chestnuts have never roasted on an open fire

that I will have breakfast with my sponsor at 6:30am and then go to 2 AA meetings this morning

that neither of my Grandma's was ever runover by a reindeer

for 1179 days without alcohol and 51 days without tobacco

that I've made a list and have checked it twice

that I have passion for Lambda Center and just enough creativity to make projects for myself there

that I'll be home for Christmas

If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.
-Booker T. Washington