Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A Double Life

More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it.

The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed him. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is under constant fear and tension -- that makes for more drinking.
Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 73


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I was rather successfull at being a gay man in a str8 world and a gay alcoholic in a str8 bar, BUT today I can see the long-term damage it has caused me

that my life is not a work of fiction

that my life is much less compartmentalized than during my drinking days

that WL (a sponsee) celebrates 5 months of sobriety todAAy

that I made yesterday car maintenance day with an oil change+ and thorough car wash now that the rain is finished

that almost any difficulties I have today are the result of not practicing Step 3

that I didn't tell my 5th step to an employee of The New York Times

that as an adult, I don't have the allergies I had as a kid (to grass and pollen)

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
-Chinese Epigram

9 comments:

Scott W said...

I never had allergies until I came to Texas...oh, other than alcohol.

Lex-Sunshine said...

I think you have to get used to Houston. When I was young and visited Htown, I would get horribly sick from the air. now I've been here 10 years and I'm never sick. Go figure.

Great Chinese Epigram and YEA for WL : )

Mary Christine said...

Love the font for
The New York Times

Tab said...

"that my life is not a work of fiction"..this is good to know !

Shannon said...

hmmm I wonder what your 5th step would of been if it had been on the NY times....???

Helen said...

Congrats to your sponsee and you for your gratitude.
A friend of Bill W's,
Peace............

NMAMFQLMSH said...

That quote from the BB is sooooooo me. God................
I see you,
JJ
PS: Actually I really will be seeing you soon.

lash505 said...

Very good quote. I could have used it years ago.

Daily Piglet said...

Ok, so who told their 5th step to the NY Times?

Love that anger quote. My husband is filthy rich in the escaping of sorrow.