How to Move On - How to Let Go
- by Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can learn how to let go of the past. Whether you have experienced a break up with someone you cared for deeply, whether death has taken a loved one, whether you have had a feud with a friend or family member, whether you have lost a job. Learn how to move on and let go -- life can be joyful and rewarding again.
First, let's take a look at what people often do in time of loss that actually makes the situation worse, These are some things to avoid...
1. Don't spend too much time or energy mourning what has happened. Let a broken romance or friendship go. Let a lost job become an experience and no more. Even with death, there is a time to mourn, and there is a time to renew and to move on with your own life.
2. Don't over-react to your loss and take any sudden actions without time for careful contemplation. If you are feeling desperately lonely or frightened, don't take actions based on those emotions. Seek support in the short term, and only make significant commitments after you have restored a sense of being centered and confident.
3. Don't spend a lot of time alone. Although you may feel the urge to avoid interacting with your friends and family, it is crucial in a time of loss that you keep up social contacts. Try not to lose the friendships and support network you have built, but if you do find yourself isolated from previous connections, focus all your energy on building new (non-romantic) connections. Although these new connections may eventually provide the path to a new job, new romantic interest, or new best friend, don't hurry that process or abuse your new acquaintances. Let your new casual connections remain casual, and friendly.
4. Don't complain about what has happened, and don't listen to your friends' complaints. It is better to focus your thoughts on positive matters. Why spoil your day complaining about a backstabbing ex-friend, ex-lover, or ex-boss. Keep your attention on building a bright future.
So what will help you move on and let go? Try these tips...
1. Keep busy with enjoyable activities - especially group activities. Continue with those groups and activities you previously enjoyed, and add some new ones. To the extent possible, focus on groups and activities that include members of both genders, but are not dating related. Best of all, find activities that have a physical aspect. Try a book discussion group, a church or community committee, yoga, Qigong, hiking, biking, cooking classes, wine tasting, classes of any sort. Don't limit yourself. Fill your time with many activities -- both old and new.
2. Have positive conversations with your friends and family. Talk about anything other than your loss. Keep the conversations positive and focused on the future. If some of your acquaintances persist in bringing up your loss or being negative, spend less time with them and find more positive people to spend time with.
3. Be of service to those who are less fortunate than yourself. There is no better way to get over feeling sorry for yourself, than being of service. Volunteer at the Red Cross blood bank, the local hospital, the library, your church... The possibilities are unlimited -- just do it. And besides, service organizations are a great place to make professional contacts, develop friendships, or meet your soul-mate.
4. Get inspirational support daily... read an inspirational book or quotations, meditate, do yoga or Qigong, perhaps light a candle and contemplate positive thoughts, or begin the habit of daily journaling.
5. If you have lost your job, naturally you will want to search for a new job or career, but first make sure you are in a good frame of mind by following the previous tips. You will be far more successful in a job search if you are feeling positive and courageous - and you will be enjoying a higher quality of living. Be creative and persistent in a job search, but never allow desperation to take control of your life.
Have patience, keep your thoughts positive, and soon you will be over your sadness and anger and moving forward into your new life.