How Did This Happen?

"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I have a Higher Power in my life that doesn't appear in liquid form or contain any grain product

that I went to bed sober last night and woke up this morning without a hangover or rum on my breath

that I continue to go through each day without a desire for a beer, a rum/coke or a cigarette

that I have not yelled at a person that I don't know for almost 4 years

that I can drive down any street these days without the fear of a cop stopping me

that I no longer need to make dumb excuses or lie to my friends/family about why I can't attend an important function

that I have the opportunity each day to actually get things accomplished after 9am

that I no longer worry every day about having Parkinson's Disease (which turned out to be Delirium Tremens) nor do I have to consume several alcoholic drinks in order to calm my shakes enough to write on a piece of paper

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
-Thich Nhat Hanh

RARE RANT/RAVE: I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I just feel like it's time to say something.
I don't like being forced to do anything. Duh.
There are some blogs that I read (well, used to read) that have a music video or soundtrack that plays when the blog comes up. I have stopped reading those blogs. I don't want to be forced to listen to your favorite music while I am trying to read. I know that in most cases I can mute the sound, but why bother? There's 100 other blogs that I can give my attention to.
So, if your blog is one that plays a soundtrack, now you know why I probably haven't been making comments on it.
Cheeers.

Save Internet Radio

The future of Internet radio is in immediate danger. The Copyright Royalty Board in Washington, DC has more than tripled the royalty rates for webcasters and left unchanged, they will kill Internet radio. These exorbitant rates go into effect on May 15 (retroactive to Jan 1, 2006!). Without Congressional action the majority of webcasters will go bankrupt and silent on this date. We need your help.
Please take a moment to send a letter to your member of Congress to keep Net radio from being silenced.

CLICK HERE to do your part !!

The Ways It Is ...

"I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."

WINSTON CHURCHILL

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that my Mom is still alive although her awareness of life around her has somewhat diminished

for a lot of new faces in the noon AA meetings at Lambda; yesterday there must have been about 8 people I did not know and that is unusual ...

that I am just a little better at introducing myself to newcomers/new faces than I once was; I am intimidated by people I don't know, forgetting that they are usually much more scared and/or intimidated than I am

for the first time in about 2 years, I have no concrete plans of things that must be accomplished this week; it's like being on vacation in retirement (not to be confused with leisure travel in retirement because that is when I actually have plans) LOL

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
-Mother Teresa

Monday, Monday, So Good To Me

"Suppose you were an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress ...
but then I repeat myself."

MARK TWAIN



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a new week and more chances to make progress (whew!)

that we had a very well done and very tasty dinner Saturday at Lambda Center; it was a chance to hear any comments from the general membership regarding complaints and/or suggestions and we had some very good input

that I have a good working knowledge of the AA Traditions and AA's World Concepts due to my sponsor and my own willingness to learn

that since I got sober, the good times far outnumber the bad times

for the ridiculous amount of time I spent asleep Sunday morning - about 7 hours -- I average 4 to 5 hours every night, rarely more than 5 hours on any night since I was a small child.

for those who came before me

that Hayden and I are planning another trip - more shall be revealed LOL

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
-Chinese Proverb

Faking It

In recovery, we're sometimes advised to "fake it until you make it." But how can anything false really lead us to recovery? Aren't we told that this is an honest program?

We're not being dishonest by pushing ourselves to become actively involved in AA. The self-help movements have told us for years that we have to form an image of what we want to be in order to reach our goals. We are forming an image that corresponds to the sober people we want to be. We are actually rehearsing sober living and working to accept a picture of sobriety in our heart of hearts.

There's also much to be said for "faking it" enough to attend meetings and to try to benefit from association with people -- even those we don't like. This puts us in line for the change we really need.
WALK IN DRY PLACES, April 22

I find this to be true for many other aspects of my new life, not just in abstinence from alcohol. How 'bout you?

Technical Support

Not computer saavy?????????
Maybe this little bit of instruction can help.

Tech Support

W

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
Obviously, he goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, so you can take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good considering the circumstances, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in Hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

Evolution

pEnciLs
CLICKONTHEPICTOSEEDETAIL



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

if the truth sets me free, what do lies do?

for the willingness to live up to my commitments, however uncomfortable or inconvenient they may be

that I will have attended 3 AA meetings before I have lunch today; my normal Friday

that one of my realizations in sobriety is that I rarely (if ever) have enough -- of anything!

that I am forced to use the Steps because my elevator doesn't work any longer

that I have never really been a goal-setter - if I had been - I would have surpassed those goals by a long-shot already and I stilll have a ways to go

Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.
-Ann Landers

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

"sitting at the coffee bar"
LAMBDA CENTER
Houston, Texas

CLICK HERE
to visit today's other entries


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that recently, when someone shared that they were depressed because of all the negative things happening in the world, I just smiled. No longer do external events, over which I have no control, disturb me to the point of depression. I have enough battles to fight between my ears without letting the world's battles in there too.

that Trish shared a little piece of her life with us yesterday at the noon meeting

that it's Membership Week @ Lambda Center and Bob S. is leading the troops!

that Hayden, who can virtually read my mind, knows where all the bookmarks are. From 2,558 miles away, he has an ability to tamp down the little brush fires that spark within me.

for a much needed body massage

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
-Ambrose Redmoon

Hump day

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
that Alcoholics Anonymous provided the answers,even though I didn't know the questions

that I know any progress/improvement in my thinking is dependent on change in my thinking

for the opportunity to re-invent myself the past 3+ years

that my sobriety began when I stopped drinking;
my recovery began when I got to Step 4 with my sponsor

that tomorrow is hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy and some type of pictorial idea will come to me

that I can add a little tribute to the families and friends of victims of the Virginia Tech massacre




Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work.-Anna Quindlen

The Future is Now

more pencils
(click on the pic for more detail)


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

as a recovering alkie, that I have resources at hand to use when I am out of my mind (I refer to the Virginia Tech shootings yesterday)

that I am wrestling with my future and what it may look like

for prayer to help me when I just don't know what to do; the best guidance my HP gives me these days is to do nothing right now; nothing must be decided immediately

for those little reminders that I need to practice living in the moment instead of the future

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
-Unknown

Progress

The photo theme this week will be
PENCILS.
CLICK on PIC TO SEE DETAIL



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for all of the volunteers who helped at Lambda Center to make nearly $500 washing cars Saturday morning in the cold and rain-threatening weather

for a great AA meeting about Contempt Prior to Investigation

that I am only now beginning to learn how to deal with some of the unfamiliar feelings that I've been experiencing the past few months

that today is Kenny's - RECOVERY ROAD - 3rd AA Birthday !!!
Kenny began his blog about the same time as Scott and I in late 2004. I have been honored to read his writings almost daily since then. I have always enjoyed the things he tells us, in part because I lived in London in my former life and often relate to geographic areas to which he refers. But mainly I read Kenny because of his honesty andinsight into this deadly disease. He searches and finds solutions to living life on a daily, without resorting to what alcoholics are so damn good at -- drinking.

that a friend sent me this ...

"What is the difference between making a decision to quit (which you may have already done) and making a COMMITMENT?
A COMMITMENT is an UNYIELDING Decision, AIRTIGHT, IRONCLAD and ROCK SOLID.

We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.
-William Gladstone

Big dog

With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald), this three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his breed's standard 200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says that Hercules weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre diet: "I fed him normal food and he just grew".... and grew...... and grew..... .
Hercules was recently awarded the honorable distinction of World's Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records. Hercules is an English Mastiff and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.

My baseball life (the short version)

I didn't play little league baseball.
For that matter, I didn't play any organized baseball.

But from the age of 12 I was absolutely obsessed with the game itself. I listened to every Astros game on the radio. I kept score on sheets of paper and saved them and compared my compiled statistics with the stats printed in the Sunday paper. I did this through my high school years. I attended as many games as possible; with my Dad, with friends or by myself.

When I went off to college and didn't make the track team, I tried out for the baseball team. Of course, I didn't have the skills to compete. I then learned that the local umpire chapter needed recruits, so I joined up. Most umps begin their careers doing little league games. My first game -- a junior college game. I didn't have a friggin' clue what I was doing, but I must have performed OK. That was in 1974. I was soon accredited by the State of Texas to umpire high school games and thus began many years of umpiring.


After graduating from college, I wanted to turn professional. I begged my grandmother for the money and off I went to Florida. The Al Somers Umpire School (later became The Harry Wendelstedt Umpire School). Spring training. The instructors were major league and minor league umpires; the best in the business. Very competitive. There were 4 job openings that year (1977) in professional umpiring (minor leagues) and about 200 men going for those positions. There was one female - Pam Postema, the first woman to ever attempt a professional baseball career. After the 6-week course, I finished about in the middle of the class and was sent home.

I umped a number of more years before retiring in 1998 with a bad back. Of course, I did not umpire during my years overseas.
This writing was inspired by Yosickmomma --- I could tell you more but I don't like to make my posts longer than this.
Enjoy your weekend and don't strike out.

Friday the 13th

This is the most popular guy in prison.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for newcomers @ AA meetings -- one of whom proposed a discussion about the merits of being a dry drunk vs. in recovery

that my alcoholic bottom was easily defineable to me as well as unforgettable

for breakfast with my sponsor, who can always offer a different perspective on matters

the my therapist is able to make me consider things I've never given thought to before

that Al Sharpton is looking out after my interests by imposing his will on America -- I am sure that his next step will be to remove all offensive rap music from the federally-regulated airwaves (offensive to whom?). Maybe he will then try to prevent all racist material from being broadcast. Oooooops! He'd have to take himself and Jesse Jackson out of the public eye. No way!!

While I'm bitching ...

I am glad those 3 Duke U. players had the rape charges dropped. There was no evidence to prosecute them and there never was. Their lives have been severely affected but they will get over it. However, their parents have each spent over $1million in legal costs. Where is the justice?

have a nice day

There is in the worst of fortune the best of chances for a happy change.
-Euripides

This is funny! Just do it!!

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "MAPS"
3. click on "GET DIRECTIONS"
4. type "LAS VEGAS" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "LONDON, UK" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. scroll down to step #29 of the directions, and read aloud.

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

pix from my high school days

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that those who came before me were my predecessors

that I am now finished with all of my Mom's taxes as well as my own -- it's a lot of work - for our CPA (LOL)

that I had the $$$$ to pay all of my taxes

that I am going to record a voiceover for a Lambda Center membership marketing video today for the inimitable Bob S.

that I will never be a nappy-headed Ho

that I could spend 2+ hours in my patio cleaning up and potting new plants in this beautiful weather instead of watching The Astros, who were snowed out in Chicago during the afternoon

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
-Michael Jordan

Doing things

What's wrong with this picture?

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that yesterday in our 6:30am meeting, we read TIGHTROPE, the story of a gay alcoholic (ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, 4th edition, page 359) ... check it out

that taking action produces results;
right action = good results
wrong action = bad results
I think I have also heard these referred to as consequences.

that I can do a little bit after 9am to help another person; during my last 10 years of drinking, that would have been out of the question

that The Astros actually won 2 games in-a-row

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
-Sally Berger

Looking @ Life

Last Saturday, I went to an Astros baseball game. I took this picture from my seat.

It was the first time at any baseball game since 1971 (age 17) that I didn't smoke a cigarette. That would total at least 2000 games. It was like seeing baseball through a new pair of glasses (I just had to say that!).

Today marks 6 months since I became a non-smoker after 36 years of smoking 3 packs/day. It's been very easy. Thanks again to Allen Carr, who wrote "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking."


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for some good AA sharing regarding fear; I think fear is the basis of almost all of man's actions and thoughts; probably some women too

that I have managed to reduce my incidents of isolating by as much as 90% since I began therapy with a professional

that I attended a 40th birthday party of a wonderful friend

that Scott W experiences the same feelings that I do in some social situations

that there are many parts of my personality that will never change no matter how much I may want them to and I am OK with that

for my daily conversations with Hayden in Trinidad

that TNT knows drama

God brings men into deep waters not to drown them, but to cleanse them. -Aughey

Read at your own risk ...

Why do some people have the power to push certain buttons?
Friend "A" can do something and it doesn't seem to bother me or phase me one bit.
But if Friend "B" does the same thing, it drives me nuts.
I know this is very ambiguous, but it was just something flying across my remaining brain waves. And I thought it might stimulate you. For God's sake, man, get stimulated!!

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for an AA meeting about the attitude of understanding -- it was like graduate-level recovery for this simpleton, but it was quite interesting

that global warming apparently came to an end for a few days; maybe George Bush has been working with Al Gore (ie: Houston had the coldest April weather in 68 years)

that I went to an Astros game on the spur of the moment with no prior planning - by myself and had a great time

that I watched Lewis Black on The Comedy Channel for over an hour -- he is too funny! He did a bit on bottled water and the Nutrition Facts that are printed on those bottles. It's all zeroes. Check it out!! It's all zeroes!! At least my bottle of water has 0 grams of total fat. Whew! I can guzzle in peace now.

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.
-Vernon Law

Easter Peep Blending

it's just for fun -- dont' take it too seriously, please

You're a good egg

I hope you have a wonderful Easter Sunday, whatever that may mean to you.

I am not religous so it really has no significance to me besides being a day off. Oh, wait a minute ... it's Sunday anyway. And I don't work; I'm retired.

Never mind.

Maradona in Denial?

Doctors say Diego Maradona better by the day
Fri 6 Apr 2007, 7:17 GMT

BUENOS AIRES (Reuters) - Argentine soccer great Diego Maradona is getting better by the day at the Buenos Aires clinic where he is being treated for alcohol-induced hepatitis, his doctors said on Thursday.
Maradona, 46, who led Argentina to a World Cup victory in 1986, was admitted to the private Guemes clinic last week and has been sedated since then to help curb alcohol cravings.
Since retiring from the game in 1997, Maradona has battled cocaine addiction and obesity. His personal physician has blamed excessive drinking, eating, and smoking cigars for his latest health crisis.
"He's improving day by day from his acute toxic hepatitis," a medical report said.
The clinic's medical director, Hector Pezzella, said the soccer star "accepts being hospitalized."
"He's aware that being in hospital is the best thing and I've noticed he intends to recover quickly," he added.
Outside the city clinic, Maradona fans have stuck photographs and messages of support on the walls.
Maradona had appeared overweight and smoking cigars in photographs taken soon before he was taken to the hospital last week. He was hospitalized in 2000 and 2004, both times with severe heart problems stemming from cocaine use.
He underwent drug rehabilitation in Cuba and Argentina before a stomach-stapling operation in 2005 helped him lose weight.
Later that year, he hosted a TV talk show after declaring himself fully recovered.

NOTE: the pictures are from 1986 and 2005

Good Friday Gratitude

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I try to keep an open mind almost all the time. Maybe that's why so much leaks out.

that my therapist understands me just a little bit too well (LOL)

that to be the best I can be still requires a lot of effort

"Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow."
-Mahatma Gandhi

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

Use your imagination ...
then go visit the HNT website

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for some good quality time spent with my Mom yesterday

for a phone call from a friend who has been in a mighty struggle with alcohol for many years and has yet to stay sober long enough to enjoy the experience

for good intentions and better attitudes

for friends who are good examples

for others who are not

that today is Trudging's (Outright Mental Defective) 17th Sobriety Birthday - CLICK to wish her well

that I managed to do a more-than-adequate job for so many years before my career came to an end

"Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down."
-Wilson Mizner

Perspective

A sign on the wall in the Men's restroom on the ferry (see yesterday's post) that runs between Trinidad and Tobago.
(click for a closeup)



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I never need to "arrange" my daily activities around my drinking again

to see people return to the rooms of recovery quicky after slipping / relapsing -- I don't know if I could do that and I hope I never test myself on this point

that I can introduce you to a new blogger from Houston (although he lives in North Texas now). Drop by and say howdy to Rebos Reed and help him remain grateful. We got sober within weeks of each other in 2003 at Lambda Center even though he's 31 years younger than me.

for time spent with Rodney yesterday - we took a 3-hour road trip to the Gulf coast and had some quality chat-time together

for my life. Last night I was missing Hayden being here with me. And I was taking a break from some voluntary computer work (for Lambda Center) and reading recovery blogs and also watching the Astros on TV when I ventured to my stylish 2nd-story front balcony. There was a young-ish homeless guy rummaging through the garbage bin across the street, probably looking for food scraps. All of a sudden, I felt very grateful.

"It’s hard to detect good luck - it looks so much like something you’ve earned."
-- Fred A. Clark

Progress

This is the ferry that runs between Trinidad and Tobago each day. The distance is about 50 miles or about 2 1/2 hours.
It holds approximately 200 automobiles and 1000 passengers. The cost is $9 per person each way.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a good 1st step meeting yesterday - I'm grateful that I could not only admit my powerlessness over alcohol but also accept that fact

for an AA newcomer to our early morning meetings who celebrated 10 days sober today on his 54th birthday

that I will not feel the need to be perfect today, but I can be excellent

that a friend at Lambda with many years of recovery under her belt will not be moving away from Houston as she and her family were planning to do; we need her here and obviously, her HP knew that

that I'm a successful quitter (drinking, smoking, etc...)

for some nice shopping therapy yesterday, including a new cell phone. I had the previous phone (my first in sobriety) for 1 1/2 years, longest I've ever had a cell phone. When I was drinking, I had at least 12 phones but was always losing them or they got stolen. In 2002 at the beginning of my last year of drinking, I had 4 phones in a 4-month period (in Morocco).

"Most people seem to want tremendous improvement, instantly. But you'll probably find it's the little things you do that eventually add up to big results."
-- Joel Weldon

Nothing Negative

This is the only concrete Ping Pong Table I have ever seen.
It is on the grounds of the Tobago Hilton Hotel, about 50 yards from the surf of the Caribbean Sea.
Even the net is concrete. Personally, I thought it was a bit windy to be playing, but I'm kinda particular that way.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I get to witness the new-found sobriety of so many people and then watch as they grow in recovery

that I am pretty damn content when I am not thinking of the things I want to have

that I got to speak to Mary Christine yesterday

for a quick and peaceful Board meeting Sunday at Lambda Center

that I am so blessed - there's really nothing negative in my life except those things that my perceptions tell me are negative; or put another way, those things that I make up

that The Astros begin their 46th annual campaign to win a World Series - today!

Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth.
-Charles A. Dana

Tobago Coral Reefs

While visiting Tobago last week, I went on a little 3-hour snorkelling excursion to see some coral reefs.


The boat we went on had 3 windows in the floor, otherwise known as a glass-bottom boat. The coral reefs were in very shallow water and we could see the reefs directly under the boat in depths of less than ten feet. These pictures do not do justice. (CLICK ON ANY PICTURE FOR MORE DETAIL)

We got out of the boat and swam amongst the reefs in an area where we could walk without cutting our feet. The views were absolutely gorgeous. Exotic fish of many colors were swimming right along with us. They must be accustomed to humans.

The tour cost a whopping $10.
Damn good return on investment.

The Fixer

I am still getting my pics sorted from this most recent trip. Maybe I'll have some ready to post for tomorrow. I am in no particular hurry.

I only made it to a couple of meetings whilst in Trinidad, but they were great. Their format is different from what I am used to. First, the meetings are all 2 hours in length. Also, the chairperson just picks people to stand up and share a few minutes of their AA story. There's no discussion. At Lambda here in Houston , most of our meetings involve discussion to some degree. Since I was new meat, I was asked to share and me being me, was glad to do it. One gentleman I had the honor of hearing was 89 years old and walked with a cane and was almost deaf. But when he stood up to speak, he was powerful. His message was clear. He had 40 years and 8 months of sobriety and just about everything he talked about was relevant to this alkie. Amazing. Powerful. Healing.

Tonight is birthday night at Lambda Center. Our friend Matt will hopefully be presented with his one-year sobriety medallion. He is a special kinda guy and we're all proud of him.

I stole these videos from Chad Fox.
I can only hope none of you take them seriously.

Ya man. I'm back!

I have been in Trinidad and Tobago for the past 11 days visiting my friend Hayden. This picture was taken from a small boat that took me out snorkelling one afternoon. Hayden wasn't feeling well so he stayed behind.

More pictures of this event tomorrow. Maybe.

I am glad to be back and have missed the blogosphere.

Reading and writing. Thanks for all of your wonderful comments; I really do appreciate them.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

to be back from Trinidad & Tobago safe, sober and (relatively) sane

for the experience of going to AA meetings in other countries; the people may be different, but alcoholism is not

that Winter is over and now it's Spring! My character defects are in full bloom. It's so nice to have Twelve Steps to try to live by, especially Step 3 which continues to save me from me each and every time I remember to use it.

that a doctor was on the plane yesterday when a passenger had a medical event (details not known)

that I totally surprised Hayden with this trip; he was in shock and speechless (very uncommon) when I showed up in his face; my plan worked to perfection!

that I have always been comfortable driving on the wrong side of the road, even when I didn't do it on purpose (Trinidad is a former British colony, thus they drive on the wrong side)

"The value of friendly is beyond measure -- it costs nothing, yet it's worth a fortune. And it's the most contagious disease known to man -- catch it."
-- Jeffrey Gitomer

Longer than expected

I have extended my stay in Trinidad for an extra week. That being the case, I shall resume writing on or about March 30th-ish.
I am sending this via a dial-up connection that takes FOREVER to access anything.

See you soon and Scott, please pass this along to Sonny.

Serenity & Potpourri

I will be out of town and away from any computer until the weekend. Enjoy yourselves and please stay sober.
I will.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

I'm finally 53 years old; I thought it would never get here. LOL

for all of the sweet notices and comments about my birthday 2 days ago

for the colorful taste of my alcoholism medication --
it tastes like RECOVERY, UNITY & SERVICE

for some really good chance(s) to put PAUSE WHEN AGITATED into action

for absolutely gorgeous weather over the weekend and the volleyball tournament I had the opportunity to attend at Memorial Park and the softball games of The Montrose Softball League

that Matt celebrated his One Year of Sobriety yesterday --
Way to go, Matt!!

for a little Hazelden book I bought to read on the flights this week - WALK IN DRY PLACES - a book written to address the concerns of the "established" recovering person

for the AA (Big Book) quiz on SOBRIETY SOCIETY; drop by and see how much you know

"Evaluation of the past is the first step toward vision for the future."
-- Chris Widener

Give me more (please)

A picture from my last real celebration of St Patrick's Day, in 2004. This was at Griff's, a bar of which I am still a part-owner, albeit a silent investor these days.


One of the things that I have come to realize in my recovery is that I rarely have enough. It seems ingrained in me that more is better; more is necessary.

This ugly trait really rears its ugly head in my personal relationship with Hayden. If it didn't surface with him, it would be with someone else. It seems like when I get what I want or what I ask for, I still want more. It's like I can never be happy with what I have. It's something I'm working on and probably will be for the remainder of my days. Then, of course, Bill W. in all his wisdom, wrote about this very thing ...

"For thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige, and romance. When we seemed to be succeeding, we drank to dream still greater dreams. When we were frustrated, even in part, we drank for oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted."
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, page 71

"Adversity is another way to measure the greatness of individuals. I never had a crisis that didn't make me stronger."
-Lou Holtz

Paddy's Day

click on the pic for more Paddy's Day stuff

2 Gay Irish Men

Rule 62

Niagra Falls
(not to be confused with Viagra Falls)


todAAy i AAm grAATeful & thAAnkful

that I did not smoke a cigarette (or anything else) yesterday
that I met with my sponsor yesterday
that I prayed several times yesterday
that I read some recovery meditation yesterday
that I went to an A.A. meeting yesterday
that I had lunch with 5 other people in recovery yesterday
that I had coffee with a recovery friend and talked program yesterday
that I met with my therapist yesterday
that I spent time with my disabled mother yesterday
that I worked out a personal problem with my sister yesterday without losing my temper
that I seem to have stayed sober yesterday (again)
that it Works If You Work It

that I will be making a renewed effort to ...
DON'T TAKE MYSELF SO DAMN SERIOUSLY !!

"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around us in awareness."
-- Leland Val Vandewall

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

fun in

Costa Rica

last month



see the rest of the

HNT floaters here

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I am able to help others get to meetings

that I don't feel the need to "loan" money in order to keep friends

that I sleep well almost every night; truth be told, I fall asleep while I am praying. What a great way to end the day!!

that I don't have a desire to control the lives of my friends -- in the last week, 2 people who are very important to me have made subtle attempts to control different aspects of my life, for no apparent reason other than to be controlling; both of them seemed hurt when I rejected their controlling behavior -- it's a good lesson for me that I should always try to avoid that behavior

to see a friend who is visiting Houston this week. He got sober 3 weeks before me, when he was 19 years old, back in '03. The weird part is that he is 30 years younger and is now legal to drink in bars. But he's still sober and really changing. Great stuff to witness.

for a reminder that if I want others to be open-minded towards me and my lifestyle, I must treat them with the same respect

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom."
-- Anais Nin

Drug of Choice

"When I was drinking, I was okay. I understood. Everything made sense. I could dance, talk and enjoy being in my own skin. It was as if I had been an unfinished jigsaw puzzle with one piece missing; as soon as I took a drink, the last piece instantly and effortlessly snapped into place."

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, page 320

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that the paragraph above is from "Student of Life", a story from the Big Book. We read that yesterday at the 6:30am meeting and I soooooo much relate to the descriptions and feelings in that story.

that you guys did not show or tell me how to drink right; that's what I wanted, you know

for a clearer recognition of my insecurities

that I took the time to take care of myself yesterday, which included a long massage and 3 trips to Starbucks for fellowship

for a very long and enjoyable phone conversation with Hayden, my drug of choice

that tomorrow is hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy; get your picture ready

"When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take -- choose the bolder."
-- William Joseph Slim

No bump in the road

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

to witness daily how acceptance and attitude can make all the difference in my world

for reminders that I am much more accountable than I was during my drinking days

that today, people actually depend on me to be sober

that my best will just have to be enough today

for people who go out of their way to make a difference

that Step 10 does not read ... "Continued to take your personal inventory and when I was right promptly declared it"

that TK is seeking the help he needs -- if you have the time, drop by and offer a few words of encouragement @
TK's Journey of Recovery

"There is the risk you cannot afford to take, and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take."
-- Peter Drucker

The Basics

I attended and supported the
AIDS Walk
Houston
yesterday. This annual event raises dollars for more research.
They raised about $700K yesterday.
The weather helped --
70 degrees and sunny.


todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

to be sober

that I have a tangible concept of a Higher Power

that I go to AA meetings often, both when I feel like it and when I don't

for my sponsor and his sponsor and her sponsor

for the experience, strength and hope of those who come before me

for service and volunteer activity in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous

that I was honored to hear parts of the A.A. stories of 2 longtimers in Alcoholics Anonymous. They both have 31 years sober.

"There are some things you don't have to know how it works – only that it works. While some people are studying the roots, others are picking the fruit. It just depends on which end of this you want to get in on."
-- Jim Rohn

Change

I am reluctant as to how many details to throw out there on the internet. I'm contemplating making some changes in my life; changes that are major - to me. I still need to talk to the people who are close to me, the ones who know me and whose opinions and advice I respect.
Sobriety and recovery has taught me that I don't have to make those big decisions today and I don't have to make them alone.

I realize that my vagueness may leave you with questions. I also know that you'll respect my space and not ask me what in the hell I am talking about.

One of the wonderful rules-of-thumb that I have at my disposal is this ...
If an A.A. sponsee came to me with the same, exact set of circumstances and asked me for my advice, what would I tell him/her?

I am writing about this only because I may want to have some sort of record of the experience in the future; something to look back on and re-read about my own thinking/frame of mind. It's also entirely possible that I may mention nothing else about it.

I'll stay grounded

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied,"You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

Becoming Illegal

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC 20510

Dear Senator Harkin:
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "instate" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Friday Gratitude

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for the little things that sobriety allows me to do

for a full day spent with Hayden; he flies back to the Caribbean today

that I can still stick up for myself when necessary

for a nice dinner with ZANEJABBERS


"As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do."
-- Andrew Carnegie

hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy

Signs of Recovery
in Costa Rica

(click on the pic for a better view)

goto



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a reminder that I don't need to hate myself any longer; I am so programmed to hate me, that I often forget this

that my Mom began physical therapy again for this month -- she is to the point that she can no longer walk

that Hayden and I have a very full day planned on this, his last day in town. But that includes me getting to my 2 regular AA meetings, otherwise, he would not want to be around me. Actually, my short history tells me that I can go 2 days without a formal meeting. Day 3 begins my downward spiral towards insanity. Why go there when it's not necessary?

I also have my weekly visit to my therapist (Hayden will attend too) and another visit to my Chiropractor

for the DVD presentation, complete with music and other terriffic sound effects, given to Hayden and I by Jeanie P., which tells the story of our Costa Rica trip - from a wonderful friend in recovery @ Lambda Center

"The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy."
-- Florence Shinn

See the Difference?

Pictures from the Canopy Safari that we went on in Costa Rica a couple of weeks ago.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a whole day of feeling great and not being a martyr once -- that's a miracle for this mental case

for everything

that I am getting my Mom (at her request) a Big Screen TV today (since her stroke 16 months ago, television is about all she has)

that my friend Zane has a new blog -

ZANEJABBERS - please drop by and say howdy!

"Disgust and resolve are two of the great emotions that lead to change."
-- Jim Rohn

Recovery stuff

"Dandy Lions"



todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I made it through another 24 hours without alcohol although I still have many shortcomings and character flaws to take up the slack

that the battles we pick often determine who wins the war

for all the stuff in my recovery tool box -- it works when I use it

for the wisdom gained from the experience of those who came before me

for this lovely Chamber of Commerce weather we're having in Houston this week

~ (NOTE) Yesterday I mentioned I have some nerve irritation in my neck/shoulder/arm -- it is due to stress - it's not an injury (just thought I'd clear that up)

"I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends."
-- Abraham Lincoln

Hanging in there

"Thirsty"

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I have everything I need and more, although I usually don't think about this when it's all about dAAve

for tangible proof that my perception is often that I never have enough

for my extracurricular AA committments - this weekend, I had a District/GSR meeting at which I made a short presentation, a Lambda Center fundraising organization meeting and a Lambda Center Board of Directors meeting. I not only enjoy doing these things, but need them to help fill out my life.

for the current topic on SOBRIETY SOCIETY; please drop by and read/leave a comment

that Hayden loves me in spite of my thinking and sticks with me in spite of my behavior

that we're not joined at the hip (or any other body part)

that I am going to see a doctor about some apparent nerve damage in my neck/shoulder/arm

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."
-- Elisabeth Foley

Stop / Don't Stop

White Water

We went White Water Rafting whilst in Costa Rica last week.

Now, I have never done this before. I have floated down a river in an inner tube, but nothing like this. The river was only a Class 3 (out of 5) or intermediate level of difficulty.

It was a blast.

In the 2 water pictures, Hayden is on the left side in the middle; yours truly on the right rear (in the white t-shirt).

The tour company employs a professional photographer to go along on the journey. He gets up ahead of the group and waits for the rafts to go past. Then he picks up and gets out in front again for more pics. You can then purchase a CD with 180 pictures of your trip down the river.

At the end of the day, a rainbow appeared in the sky. The 30 gay guys on the trip all wondered how the tour company arranged for that!

Saturday morning

Oddly enough, now that I'm back online after a 2-day absence, I can't think of anything to write about. I am not gonna beat myself up over it though.

Life is feeling pretty good right now. Hayden is still here after our trip to Costa Rica. He will return home next week. I must admit that it's really a challenge learning to live with another person. We have a very unconventional relationship to begin with and I want to compare it to what I see with other couples. When I do this, I am generally pretty unhappy. When I'm able to just go with the flow, things seem to work out much better. Does this sound something like Step 3?

This alcoholic (me!) has always preferred to live alone and I just have not developed the necessary living and social skills that seem to come naturally to many. I'm so lucky to have someone in my life who understands this and is incredibly patient with me. He is not only a good teacher but is also has great expertise at ...

Returned (again)

Someone at Blogger has taken the time to peruse my postings and determine that this does not constitute a SPAM BLOG.
Of course, on Wednesday night, someone at Blogger decided that this is a SPAM BLOG and locked me out from being able to post.