Sunday, July 30, 2006

Dog Food

I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

(as far as I know, this is not a true story; if it is, it's not about me)

14 comments:

Mr. H.K. said...

Hehehe...

Mary Christine said...

Oy.

Scott W said...

Those testicles will lead you astray every time.

dbv said...

why do dogs lick their balls? because they CAN.... that's a good one...

Matt said...

For a second, I thought you'd really told her that. It sounds a bit like something you might say, but perhaps not to a stranger. LOL.

Gwen said...

LOL ~ Loove it, sank u for making me laugh.

lash505 said...

Thats fucked, You will enjoy your lab they are great dogs. Its that unconditional love.

Shannon said...

SHUT UP!!!! that was too funny... and at first I was going to say,... I didnt know you had a dog dAAve LOL

recoveryroad said...

rotflmao

I spat coffee over the screen! Messy but worth it!

Scott said...

he he I am with Matt and Shannon, I was thinking that you were telling tihs story as if it were you, and your dog... lol thanks for the laff once again!

SCoUt said...

I second MC's "Oy!"
You are something else, dAAve.
Peace (and laughs),
Scout

Lee said...

HEH! I read that story!

Anonymous said...

too funny , it brought back memories of the vendors at the dogs shows who did snack on kibble ! yuck ...patrick

Daily Piglet said...

LOVE IT!!!!!! I was totally believin' it, as I could totally see you doing this :)

It's when you catch people off guard in which you can tell lots about them.