Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, page 62
When I first came into the rooms of AA, I did not believe any of this applied to me.
It was not so much that I had not been honest with myself all those years, I had chosen to be blissfully unaware. I had never looked at myself and my behaviour as others might see me, especially as God (as I understand Him today) sees me.
As I mentally prepare myself for the most significant event of my 3 years of sobriety (the visit of Hayden, my former boyfriend), I must pay special attention to my character defects. My tendencies to be needy and jealous. Overly possessive. My constant desire to be his center of attention.
He'll be here for a month, plenty of time for all of these defects and more to activate themselves. The Twelve Steps of AA will help to prevent my previous behaviour, but only if I take the proper action(s).
"God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, so that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always."
THIRD STEP PRAYER, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, page 63