The past 2 weeks I have been out of it.
There. I said it.
Isolated. Self-absorbed. Self-centered. Self-pitying.
For absolutely no reason that I know of. No reason!
So, what do I do about it? I beat myself up for it. I tell myself that I am not worthy of your friendship. That makes it easier for me to isolate. When I can isolate, my life can be all about me. I don't need to include you. When I don't include you, I can feel sorry for myself for being alone. And it goes on and on and on.
And because my self-esteem is near an all-time low, I feel stupid. I can't think right. I can't do things that are normally easy. I have been trying to write this meme about 6 Weird Things About Me for almost 2 days and I can't even do that! LOL Lord knows that there are 600 Weird Things About Me, yet I can't think of them.
The one thing I know for sure ... if I don't drink over all of this, It Shall Pass.
So I continue to go to meetings, pray to my Higher Power, read my AA literature and even talk to my sponsor. I chaired a meeting last night with about 100 in attendance. My intended topic was going to be about isolating and I would have told on myself to those listening. However, I asked if anyone had something they needed to bring up for discussion, and a young girl raised her hand. She was dealing with grief issues and thus, the meeting went in that direction. I did not feel a need to control it so that it was about my problems. Whew!
todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful
for the reminder that my HP did not bring me this far just to abandon me
that I am not one to give up
that I came out of my closet when I was 20 years old to my family and friends
for the Roy Orbison TV specials on PBS over the weekend
Anger or hatred is like a fisherman's hook. It is very important for us to ensure that we are not caught by it.