Saturday, February 11, 2006

Health Insurance explanations

I mentioned yesterday that I need to invest in private health/medical insurance. I currently have no coverage. All these options and requirements for medical and health insurance. It's almost too much to comprehend. Here's a handy guide with some easy-to-understand explanations.

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

Q. I just signed up for Medical Insurance. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

OK. Now I think I'm beginning to better understand what I'm up against.


muylajuana said...

This is hilarious. And sad because it's so true!

castor said...

Just now I've read on Michael Moore's website that his next movie will be about Health Care Horror Stories!

Here's his link.

Shannon said...

Ha that is soo funny, I work for Regence BlueShield of Washington... and you nailed it HA!

tbiscuit said...


Ok, NOW I just spit my cereal all over the monitor.

See what you made me do!?

LOL, is that old behavior?