Friday, February 03, 2006

I'll show you mine, if you show me yours

It took me more than 33 years of drinking alcoholically to reach my bottom.

What exactly IS a bottom?

For me, it was the epitome of incomprehensible demoralization. I did not lose my home, my car, my job. I did lose the person with whom I was in love. I lost the desire to go on living. I lost my self-esteem. I lost my ability to reason and think straight (shuddup Scott). In short, I lost my sanity. I almost lost my life due to my stupid actions which led to a hustler being in my home. Robbing me. I was drinking up to 18 hours every day for the last year. And there was a lot of crying and tears. A lot of yelling. A lot of nonsense.

What did your bottom look like?

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

for a God of my understanding (thanks Bill)

that I have not had an alcoholic drink in 2 years and 5 months nor have I had a thought about having one for more than a second

that I want to live until God takes me

that my head and brain has cleared up enough to make sense of most things (except some Al-Anon people)

that I live with honesty and credibility at the core of my existence

that today, Step 12 pretty much covers it all for me

that someone asked me to be his sponsor yesterday after hearing my talk on Wednesday; I only hope I can help him to more fully appreciate the Twelve Steps

that when I sponsor someone, I can't keep them sober and I don't become their banker, taxi-driver, sex/relationship counselor nor necessarily their friend

Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.
-Albert Schweitzer


Trudging said...

I took me a long time to learn that I did not have to become friends with the people I sponsor.

Mary Christine said...

Good Stuff Daave. Good Stuff.

Alexis said...

Thanks for sharing your bottom - that's beautiful honesty for early on a Friday.

Scott W said...

Thank God you shut me up, that was just too tempting. lolololololol

Blue said...

great description, and I took me a while to see that I didn't have to like every one in AA... I was so relieved when I figured that out, lol

muylajuana said...

Great post, dAAve. My bottom was when I married a (no kidding)paranoid pathologically jealous man whom I was determined to convince that I loved him and was faithful to him. Did I convince him? Well, I SAID that was my bottom. Lots of tears and prayers and desparation on my part. And now I'm smiling as I type this.


I guess everyone has a different bottom. I too DID NOT lose my home, my car, my children, or my job. But also like you I lost my self esteem, self respect, ability to think straight, and so on.

When I called Kevin and asked for help I didn't have that pre conceived notion of AA - the way some do. You know we are all bums on the street. I will never forget ALL THE DIFFERENT people I have met through AA.

We come from all walks of life. Different backgrounds, different religions, different bottoms. But we are all ALCOHOLICS...damn it's a bitch.

Your post is great dAAve. Made me think and y'all know what happens when I think.

I bet you are a great sponsor.
I see you and your bottom too,

sirreene said...

Unfortunately, even bottom's can have bottoms. I don't want to see yours, NOT EVER.
JJ may see it, but not me. Deal?