Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Without Any Power

I loved Hayden and would do anything for him. But I also loved drinking. Finally, one day he had enough of my behavior and told me to just stop.

I was in a miserable condition. My days began about 6am when I got up and drank a couple cups of coffee. By 8 o'clock, I headed to one of 2 nearby bars that opened at 7am. I would drive there even though it was only a 2 minute drive to either of them. Two rum and cokes. That's what I would have. Just two. Then I'd drive back home because I didn't want to get a DUI. (I never considered that I was still drunk from the night before.) Then I'd drink beer until Griff's opened at 11am.

This went on for some months, almost the same, almost every day.

Finally, one day he told me to just stop. I tried. That's when I realized that I couldn't. I had never tried to stop before.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I know without any reservation that I am powerless over alcohol

and that I am also powerless over
... my Mom and her illness(es)
... my sister's alcoholism and my nephew's drug-addiction
... every other person who touches my life
... every driver on the streets on which I travel
... all the politicians that try to control me and you
... the movies that win awards and the ones that don't
... whatever you may think of me
... the color of the sky and the day of the week
... everything else, except

my behavior.

Instead of saying,
"WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?"
try asking,
"WHY IS THIS HAPPENING FOR ME?"

19 comments:

Scott said...

I like your quote this morning... I am in a bit of a "why is this happening to me" period with work/career stuff right now. Playing the self centered part of victim is familiar, my "default" attitude. I like the "why is this happening for me" approach better. I will try that. Thanks!

Mary Christine said...

Thanks for the powerless reminder. I needed it.

Melody said...

Thanks,I also needed to be reminded of the powerless part...for me that stretches a loong way

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Nice write dAAve.
I see you,
JJ

Scott W said...

Then there is that really big answer, "WHY NOT?"

Alexis said...

Isn't it strange to wake up one day and be participating in a routine you didn't even know you had? I'm glad you woke up & saw the powerlessness

sirreene said...

We do have the power to change. I am glad that someone turned on the lights and you had the power to see this. Excellent post.

Tab said...

I love this post today dAAve.
It is so true we are powerless over everything but ourselves and the sooner we figure that out the better we can sleep at night and live one day at a time with serenity and acceptance.
Thanks for sharing~

Rex said...

I love that quote.....thanks for sharing.

Shannon said...

hmmm I needed that attitude adjustmnt... you should of heard the garbage in my head... its all a matter of perspective

haave a good daay daave

Sober Chick said...

I am grateful that this fellowship here exist at my fingertips. You see, writings as yours (that is which is from the heart) is how I seek serenity. I am being mentored, guided away from my ill thoughts and being directed to a better place.

So much beauty sent through your words. Thank you.

lash505 said...

Dave thanks for taking my ego down a few notches. That self will is a bitch.

tbiscuit said...

Wow just reading that I can feel the futility of it- that feeling of endless running to catch up to my automatic motions taking me down to hell.

-t

Daily Piglet said...

THAT got me broken up a bit. Thanks for reminding me.

12StepSteve said...

Hey Daave

Great gratitude list.

I've come to recognize one of the things that you said, but with different words. When adversity strikes, the old reaction to wonder why it was happening to me. Now, I wonder what lesson I am supposed to be learning from it.

Different words, same meaning. And to think that we got them from the same fellowship. Is that a great gift or what?

recoveryroad said...

Gut-wrenchingly and heart-breakingly true.

Jen never actually said to me "Stop drinking." She didn't need to. We both knew.

All of my partners/affairs left me because of drink (except Jellicopter).

Sat in the netcafe - I could have wept reading that, Dave.

Thanks for sharing.

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