A Change for the Better

For those who don't already know this, let me tell you that before I got sober, there was NO God in my life, whatsoever. My 48 years on this planet told me that all I needed was me. Didn't need a God, mine or yours. Most certainly, prayer was just a 6-letter word in the dictionary.

In recovery, I have developed a God of my understanding to which I pray every day. That God has been a true gift for the past 2 years. While I know now that He was always there for me whether I knew it or not, the difference now is that I am there for Him.

Sunday, my 82 year old mother suffered a series of strokes. She is in a very serious condition, basically paralyzed from the neck up. Can't eat, speak or swallow. She can move her eyes and her head however. She has very limited use of her arms and hands, but cannot write. So she has a difficult time communicating. But she tries. Lord, she tries. Her mind and her thinking is fine, apparently unaffected. She's aware of everything going on and is quite responsive.

On my way to visit her Monday morning at the hospital, I prayed for God to give me the strength to give her some hope. A short and simple prayer while driving down the freeway.

While I sat at her bedside trying to figure out whatever she was trying to communicate to me, she gave up trying to write it down. She set down her pencil and paper and put her hands together in a praying motion. She wanted me to pray with or for her.

I said the first prayer that came to mind. A prayer I say every day at the 6:30am AA meeting I attend. The Third Step Prayer.

God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!

I cried outwardly.
I think she was crying too, but inside.

todAAy, i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

... that my living amends to my mother occurs one day at a time
... for 3 excellent AA meetings yesterday and I was asked to share in each of them
... for competent and compassionate nurses
... for phone calls from my Mom's friends (many of which I had no idea they knew my phone number)
... for my sister's dedication and love
... that I don't have to go through these difficult times alone
... that I can go through this period as a sober man (5 years ago, I was still drinking when my Mom had a major stroke)