Saturday Night is Speaker Night @ Lambda Center. AA speakers, that is. I never miss this as I consider it very special to my recovery -- to be able to hear another alcoholic tell their own story of What it was like, What happened and What it is like now.
It never ceases to amaze me how we took so frickin' many paths to get to the same place.
After the meeting was over I was hanging around and someone called my name. I turned around and there was Jason. Wow. Jason. We hugged for a minute.
Me: “Wow dude. It’s been more than a year, hasn’t it?”
J: “Yeah. January of last year when I left Houston. I just came in on a
bus from Texarkana last night. On my way to rehab in Beaumont.”
Me: “That’s great Jason. So it hasn’t gone too well at home, huh?”
J: “I just can’t seem to put together more than about 60 days clean. I
keep losing jobs and my Dad kicked me out of the house again.”
Me: “If you’ve been in town all day, why didn’t you call me? We could have
hung out.”
J: “I got in last night at the bus station and didn’t have any place to
stay, so I went to the bar and had a few drinks. I met up with an old
friend from Club Houston. He gave me a free pass so I stayed at the
baths last night. I’ve been doing crack since noon today.”
Me: “That sounds familiar.”
J: “I came by here to kill some time. My bus leaves for Beaumont at 3
o’clock in the morning. So I’m gonna hang out here til they lock the
doors and maybe someone will give me a ride to the bus station.”
Me: “Well, best of luck. Houston’s probably not a good place for you even
though they tell us geographical changes don’t work.”
It was really nice to see Jason again. He didn't look too bad, actually. He wasn't all skinny with a hollowed-out face like I've seen him with before. But he had that look of panic written all over him. He was scared, I'm sure.
My immediate dilemma was this: How much am I supposed to do for this guy? In the past, I have done a lot for him; helped him move, gave him furniture, gave him rides, talked for many, many hours with him, tried to help him detox once off crystal meth at my house and ended up calling 911 to take him to the hospital. It took 6 paramedics to get him in the ambulance.
Jason has never been willing to Do Whatever It Takes to let it go, to let it work.
At 34 years old, maybe he's never had enough consequences. I don't know.
I gave him another hug and a kiss and said I had to go home.
I hope he made it to the bus station.
1 comment:
Dave, that breaks my heart. I remember the times he came back in the doors and the panic I could see in his eyes. Those big brown eyes. Sometimes you just want to smack someone and say something to them that will make a difference, but that's not how it works. We have to have the desire to stop, We have to be ready to surrender and We have to be willing to give it all over to a power greater than ourselves. We never know if what we do for another will make a difference, we just do it and leave the results to a higher power. I hope with all my heart that Jason makes it and I know he is grateful to people like you that have made a difference in his life.
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