Sunday, September 25, 2005

an afterthought ...

During a little self-analysis (ouch!) after the passing of Hurricane Rita, it occurs to me ...

from the age of 17, when I began a long and mostly happy drinking career, I drank for the excitement. I drank to get drunk. Sloshed, when possible. The more, the better. It really didn't matter if people noticed because I acted the way drinking guys were supposed to act. If I hurt myself, that was OK. If I hurt someone else, I could apologize the next day.

I could "get out of myself." No longer the introvert when I drank.

This past week, during the 5 days leading up to the arrival of a major hurricane, there was excitement. Anxiety too, for sure. But that feeling of impending excitement and maybe doom was there. Of course, with Katrina so fresh on my mind, I didn't want the damage that would inevitably come with a storm of magnitude. But the tense excitement of the high winds and seeing stuff fly through the sky was there. I wanted to see that. Just don't hurt anyone.

Alcoholic drinking or Hurricanes.

Excitement + Damage. They go together and can't be separated.
You have one, you have both.

I'm sorry for all those who were forced to experience the storm and suffer its effects. I don't wish to minimize the terrible things that have happened. But for this recovering alkie, I've had enough excitement and damage to last for my lifetime.

8 comments:

Scott W said...

I wanted some payoff for the anxiety. And I LOVE it when Mother Nature acts up and gives us some big storms. Wanted the excitement but not the consequences, like you said last night from the lectern.

Hannen said...

I was just hoping for a little more rain.

Pat said...

I'm with Scott- I love storms, just hate the numbers 1-5. As long as they're not hurricanes It's guiltless fun to be a storm junkie!

BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

I love reading your words this morning, as they have centered me, and remind me of what is important today, and how good life can be, without drinking.

Delighted that you and scott w. are alirght.

sirreene said...

in the old days the mother nature thing would have been "all about me" I find that interesting to this day when something hits my area...today it is just "weather"

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