--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "You're 97 years old. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
--- Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first.
---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
---I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
--- People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life! Provided we get cable or that dish thing.
---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
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