Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Auto Repair

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it. My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like and old Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seatbelts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cream opened a shop in my neighborhood. Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooooo may miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it! Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!!!

reprinted from an email without permission

10 comments:

Blue said...

ha! thanks for the laugh :)

Rex said...

Isn't that the truth! still laughing....Rex

Sam said...

That's funnier 'an Hell!!!

Shannon said...

ahahahhaha cute Daave cute... how is my favorite Texan... shh dont tell the others... :)

JERKJ said...

Its like the body is an old Chevy. When one thing goes, the other parts start breaking down like falling dominoes. I'm working on a new theory that if you don't visit your doctor, you'll be taking less pills, undergo less tests, and never know that you need surgery. Denial can be your friend, no?

Linda S Amstutz said...

My name is Linda S Amstutz and I am the author of IF MY BODY WERE A CAR. This is a copyright registered and protected essay and use of it without my written permission is against the law.

Earn A LifeTime of Income From Anywhere! said...

Thanks, that was worth noting. Steve @Car Tips

Anonymous said...

Linda Amstutz:

You are such a loser.

Katie Jone said...

As a professional member of van lease liverpool I don’t think there is any secret in auto repair. This is right that few repair centers are taking enough attention towards car. Some repair centers are not taking enough care. I want to share you some opinion. You must check your engine and give rest after long journey. Another important part is that always contact with a repair engineer for checkup of your car.

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