Wednesday, February 18, 2009

sickly



Talking Dog

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale.

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep", the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars" the owner says.

"This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."



todAay i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful


I don't feel well this morning, so I'm just glad to be sober


that, just like so many other things, this damn cold I have will pass

that none of my cats can talk (English)


Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.
-William A. Ward

22 comments:

Pam said...

Oooo I hope you start feeling better. It's going around darlin', which means you are very stylish.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

But sadly, others have been there before you, so you are terminally un-unique... just another sick person....

Still you are well loved and I do wish you better miraculously soon!

Scott W said...

Sorry you are feeling puny, Daffyd.

Lou said...

That joke went around my work a few years back..I still find it so funny!

Mary Christine said...

Hope you feel better soon. Take care.

Bill said...

The common cold: pass it on.

Syd said...

Labs do talk, I swear. Hope that the rhinos get out of your nose soon.

Queenneenee said...

Oh MY, so many people I know here and in realville are sick! I gotta ask, did you get a flu shot my friend? I ask all my sickies this. I swear by them. Watch ~ as now I will be struck down with a flu bug for askin'. Feel Better!

steveroni said...

I'm still laughing. Thanks, dAAve.

Had the cold. Had the toothache. Had the ear-ache. Had the (rare) headache.

I'm too OLD for this shit!
Steve E.

Dave, get better.....NOW!

Findon said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah

GratefulOne said...

Hope you feel better soon. I'm just coming back from a cold.

Zanejabbers said...

I'm thankful for adversity - I makes me enjoy the good times.

Micky said...

"It's Spiritual, Not Religious"
by A. Orange

One of the standard Alcoholics Anonymous claims is that it is "spiritual, not religious."

That supposedly means that A.A. has no religious dogma or tenets, and is not in competition with other churches.

And A.A. claims that it should not be limited by the laws that demand separation of church and state, because A.A. is not a church or a religion.

But the distinction between "religious" and "spiritual" is completely artificial, and quite meaningless, and is as phony as a three-dollar bill.

RELIGIOUS INTENT
AA has been called religious for 60 years, and rightfully so, for it's founder admitted as much, at least when denying it wouldn't have served him.

Bill Wilson at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles in March, 1943:

"Divine Aid was A.A.'s greatest asset."

"An alcoholic is a fellow who is 'trying to get his religion out of a bottle,' when what he really wants is unity within himself, unity with God."


"There is a definite religious element here."

Repent!

Micky said...

I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ANY CAUSE OR REASON TO BE ASHAMED TO LOVE JESUS.

Is not the time coming, and the day hastening, when covetous men shall be ashamed of loving the world, and voluptuous men ashamed of loving their pleasures, and ambitious men ashamed of loving their honours?

For is it not a horrid shame, that a rational creature should be such a sot as to love sin which is most loathsome, and not to love Jesus who is most lovely? To love deformity, and not beauty?

Oh shame, shame! It is a shame that sin should have such esteem, and Jesus such great contempt put upon him.

But shame shall before long confound these now shameless wretches, when they shall cry out, "We are ashamed that we loved profits, and not Jesus- houses, lands, lusts, and not Jesus.
This is the confusion of our faces, and shame covers us-- that we should be so foolish, and so blind, that we had not sense, nor reason, to distinguish between sin, which is the greatest and most odious evil, and Jesus who is the greatest and most lovely good."


But the time will never come, the day will never be, that a gracious soul shall be ashamed of his sincere love to Jesus Christ.

Micky said...

The One True Church
The Only Church That Christ Established Is The
Catholic Church.

"He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved, but he that believeth not shall be condemned." [Mark 16:16].

Micky said...

FALSE PROPHETS
"When a false prophet
is caught he will say “OK. But I’ve repented and the LORD has restored me to the office of the prophet or ‘The Prophetic’. You have to obey me again now.” This is why the LORD said you shall never be afraid of (listen to) him again. Yes, the LORD will forgive him if he repents. He may become a fine Bible teacher. The LORD is merciful, so that you will not be constantly fooled by false prophets, Because He will never use him in that way again. "
Yoga is one of the basic means of reaching this altered state of consciousness.

And the altered state is the doorway to the occult. Sir John Eccles, Nobel Prize Winner for his research on the brain, said the brain is “a machine that a ghost can operate.'

In a normal state of consciousness one's own spirit ticks off the neurons in his brain and operates his body.

We are spirits connected with a body. But in an altered state, reached under drugs, Yoga, hypnosis, visualization, this passive but alert state, the connection between the spirit and the brain, is loosened.

That allows another spirit to interpose itself, to begin to tick off the neurons in the brain, and create an entire universe of illusion.

You've then opened yourself up to the spiritual realm which God forbids for us to enter. It's called sorcery.

Those encouraged to use meditation, yoga visualization, chakra energizing, Spirit guides could certainly take advantage of these open areas.

Micky said...

Lust

Sinopsis

What it is: Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

Why you do it: Oh, please.

Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be smothered in fire and brimstone. Not kisses.

Associated symbols & suchlike: Lust is linked with the cow and the color blue.

Micky said...

dAAve,
You are of your father, the devil, , and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and doesn't stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks on his own; for he is a liar, and its father. (John 8: 44)

Micky said...

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Micky said...

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Micky said...

12 STEP TREATMENT
The purpose of 12-step treatment is to convince the patient that he has an incurable "disease" from which he will never recover;

that he is "powerless" over his alcohol con­sumption; that he will inevitably lose control if he drinks;

that should he return to drinking, he will inevitably drink in a progressively more destruc­tive manner;

that he is "in denial"; that he must not trust his own thoughts and perceptions;

that he must abandon self-direction and turn his life and will over to God (or God's interpreter, AA);

and that he must make a com­mitment to lifelong involvement in Alcoholics Anonymous, because the only alternative to such lifelong involvement is "jails, institutions, or death."

That is the purpose of 12-step "treatment."

It really has very little to do with the problem of alcohol abuse.

Rather, it's an indoctrination program designed to inculcate both distrust of self and learned helplessness ("power­lessness") in the patient, and to convince him that his only hope of salvation is to abandon self-direction and to plunge himself into lifelong participation in the religious program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

TraceyBaby said...

Dave, come read my post titled "Shelters." There are some comments about you in there and I'd like you to read my responses.

And then will ya do yourself a favor and change your blog to moderate comments? lol

My best,

~T~