Saturday, June 27, 2009

Amazing, Simple Home Remedies

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

9 comments:

Gin said...

Thank goodness I didn't take a huge dose of laxatives before I read this. I would have been scared to laugh! Hilarious! Great way to start my Saturday!

Scott W said...

Sometimes the solutions are so simple.

Pam said...

have a good weekend dave.

Tall Karen said...

You should write a book. These are very funny. Thanks for the reminder to K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid).

Zanejabbers said...

Oh hell, I forgot the timer.

♥Shann♥ said...

yes I can see how those things can work heehee

Steve E. said...

4. Does a timer cut good?

9. I fixed it with a hammer. Now I do not have any problems. Oh, and thank you for the nice burial!

garden-variety drunk said...

thanks for the saturday afternoon humor :)

Syd said...

These are great. Like the laxative one especially.