Sunday, May 07, 2006

Maintaining Your Insanity

AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.

PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.

EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES WITH THAT.

PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.

IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL YOUR CHECKS, WRITE "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS".

FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."

AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.

ORDER DIET WATER WITH A SERIOUS FACE WHENEVER YOU GO OUT TO EAT.

SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO."

SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.

GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME.

PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA AND PLAY TROPICAL SOUNDS ALL DAY.

HAVE YOUR CO-WORKERS ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR WRESTLING NAME, ROCK BOTTOM.

WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON! I WON!"

WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"

TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER. "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."

6 comments:

NMAMFQLMSH said...

I've seen a list like this before. I have done a couple of them. I ALWAYS go through the drive through at the fast food joints and tell them it's to go....my kids freak....I laugh. Isn't that why I was put on the earth - do drive them crazy....no ... wait....it's the other way around.
I see you,
JJ

Hannen said...

Cute.

Matt said...

On Friday, I put a plastic lobster in the company fridge with a note attached that says "Please do not eat my lobster". It was the buzz of the building.

It's also fun to print out weird things such as horrid recipes (pigs feet stew!) then put them in coworkers' mailboxes and let them wonder how they got there. Random obituaries can be fun also...they go nuts trying to figure out how they should know the deceased.

Perhaps I need a life, but little things like this make my day a little brighter.

doughgirl said...

dAAve you Kill me..lol

BigSkymAAck said...

I saw several that I will start applying in my life.

Daily Piglet said...

I love those! Matt, you sound like a relative of mine!