Saturday, September 09, 2006

Things to remember

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic back-ground, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine . . . they start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.



The world would be a better place if everyone just practiced these.
I see you,

Mary Christine said...

I like the one about the waiter. So true!

lash505 said...

Number 10 if asked can be deadly.

Designer Girl said...

True Story: People in my grandmother's church actually organized a baby shower for her before finding out she wasn't pregnant (the women in our family tend to gain most of our weight in the abdomen).

Tab said...

how could I ever start my day without my visit here ? lol

piglet said...

True, but licking a steak knife is just fun.

Mr. HK said...

Number 4 rocks!

Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's

And I Quote Blog

Greg said...

ROFL #1 I did that ONCE LOL.

Ricky!!! said...

I love number 13.

Trudging said...

I totally agree with the rude to a waiter thing. It is really telling