Monday, September 04, 2006

There are no coincidences

We lived together for over a year. My last year of drinking. As I spiralled downward towards my alcoholic bottom, much of my time was spent in bars. As a result, we didn't do a lot of fun things together or go very many places. No movies, fun parks, rarely even ate out together, except at my bar.

While Hayden is here this month, I have vowed to make up for that. Saturday night at 9:30pm, we actually went to Starbuck's and sat outside enjoying non-alcoholic drinks at night. First time I've done that with him. Or anyone else, for that matter.

todAAy i AAm grAAteful & thAAnkful

that I'll be working the coffee bar @ Lambda today -- the place will be packed for meetings because of the holiday

that when my mind goes to very uncomfortable places, my mouth doesn't always follow

that sometimes I actually remember to do the things I've been taught to do when I need to do them

that I no longer depend on anybody to make me happy or to keep me happy

that I got dressed to go workout this morning at 5am, then remembered that the gym is closed today, for Labor Day. At least I made the effort. Progress. LOL

for the Courage to tell a friend of Hayden's that he's in town and wants to say howdy to him; the Courage part is that we have a mutual dislike for each other. I ran into this guy at Starbuck's while coffee-ing with Matt. He gave me his phone number and said to tell Hayden to call him. Had I not let this guy know that Hayden is in town, I would have owed Hayden an amends. Now, I don't have to feel guilty. Wow! I love this program called recovery!!

for my new Crocs

"If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies."
-Moshe Dayan


sera said...

Hahaa I like the thing about the mouth not having to follow. Nice one.
Hayden looks SO non alcoholic. I find it weird how there are two such utterly distinct types of human beings. The alcoholics and the non alcoholics. They seem to me to be two different breeds, mentally and emotionally. Some non alkys have a raft of other mental problems, but hayden looks what I call 'normal'. Ie not a 'problem' person. Non alcoholics are my own personal choice of significant other. Knowing how much they act the opposite of 'restless, irritable and discontent', I am amazed at their patience and tolerance with my alcoholic head. For me it has been a great lesson in recovery, to witness their kindness and patience toward my recurring negativity. I think ? they can tell that I earnestly mean to do better, despite my failings. I suppose that's what kindness/love/compassion is really. Nice picture!


that I got dressed to go workout this morning at 5am, then remembered that the gym is closed today, for Labor Day. At least I made the effort. Progress. LOL

LOL...I almost did the same thing.
Have a great Labor Day.
I see you,

Gwen said...

I am really happy for you dAAve~ sincerely. That did take MUCH courage and had I been in that situation I can not tell you if I would have had that much courage. Maybe with God help. I am just grateful I was not given THAT one.

I Love Crocs. My brother has black ones and my girlies girls across the street have the lilest pink ones. Do you know they make charms for them!

Mary Christine said...

What color are your crocs? (mine are light blue)

dAAve said...

MC -- you'll have to wait until Thursday to find out.

Scott W said...

Olive green with orange straps and black ones.

Sera, just how do you distinguish who looks like an alcoholic and who doesn't?

Anonymous said...

And a Happy Labor Day to you, too, dAAve!

(My comments still aren't working either... so I'm using Anonymous mode for a while!)

Mr. HK

sera said...

Hi scott. I wish I knew. I can see it very clearly in the other person, but its very difficult to articulate in words. I don't know if its a sixth sense or than im picking up on non verbal cues based on facial expression and body language. I often refer to it as 'hunches' because it's easier to explain that way. For instance I can tell instantaneously, if some women (who i've never met before) have been beaten up by parents or partners or both. I've met people with unusual extra sensory abilities, so I know they exist. Personally, I'm in no hurry to try and make sense of it, but I know my perception of other people became a lot more intense after I spent a lot of time doing meditation retreats with senior monastics. I'm surprised you haven't had the same sort of experience yourself as I can see that you meditate quite a lot. I didn't start doing it myself till my 6th year in recovery. In the places I went to, it was quite common to have very changed perceptions of other people after intense retreat. It can really fry your brains! I eased up on it after a while because I was finding the information overload very overwhelming. Again a common experience.
Who knows how it works. Not all my sponsees have similar perceptions to myself, but they are pretty good at sussing people out. In my opinion. I find that the ones who do the most similar actions to me have very (involuntary) finely tuned perceptions of others, same as me. But I've lost count of all the weird things that happen in recovery. Its a total mystery to me how it works. I know the required formula of actions, but the actual manifestation of altered mindset and what have you baffles me completely. As it should do. I haven't met anyone who has figured out the whole thing yet.
Perhaps I have just learned to use my intuition. But I know my impression of people is very immediate, very clear, and unambiguous. And I get the 'information' about them whether I want it or not. I link it to posture, the eyes, the expression, but I also get a feel for them (just with words but no pictures for instance) in a way that is hard to explain. Anyway, it hits me like a smack in the head, as soon as I see/hear/read them. Which I find a bit weird. But hey, who said life was easy to explain! I'm good at figuring out boyfriends for my girlfriends though! Even if I don't see a picture or even meet them. Which is a bit odd too! Works though! Yeh. Basically I'm a total crazy lady in a room full of cats! Hahaa. Just kidding by the way...
I just tell my sponsees to 'tune in' to situations and learn to trust their intuition. 'common sense becomes uncommon sense' as they say... I can be spectacularly wrong too, but that's usually when I have a vested personal interest in some sort of outlook. Or my neuroses are messing with me. Ie seeing what I want to see or my beliefs about the world projected onto my surroundings. So its not infallible. But what is? I haven't found anything yet that is..
Too long again!!! Oh well. Im off now...

Trudging said...

Fun is a good thing.

Greg said...

Praying for roomate #2??? Now why didn't I think of that? day 2 now You know this praying good for her isn't so bad :):):) my attitude is allready starting to change :) I'll check in later in the week and let you know how its hoing.
Merry CHRISTmas

piglet said...

Good for you Dave to show Hayden a good time. Cherish all of it. To be able to visit with him soberly, is suck an awesome gift.

And, he's very attractive!!!

lash505 said...

Very nice dave that he is back. Also I will take a bet on the color of the crocs. light green. lol

AAwoken said...

I am on my third pair of Crocs. I hate wearing any other shoes.