I know it's been a while since we hung out together, so I just wanted to drop you a note with a short explanation.
All those years that I considered you my best friend, it turned out that you were lying to me. I know guys do that sometime, but you were trying to kill me and I didn't even realize it. And now, you can't even deny it because I see you doing the same thing to a bunch of other people too.
It's like, we'd go party together and then you'd leave me hanging. I'd be drunk and alone and then not even know where you left me. How the hell was I supposed to get home? There was that time you hid my car! What was that about? And then, all those times you made me sick. Not real sick, just enough so I'd throw up. And it's like it was always at somebody's house or at some inappropriate moment. Damn, the messes I left! And you'd just laugh at me.
When I was in my 40's, I finally settled down with you at my bar. Then you decided to start taking away my friends. You're so jealous. I finally met someone special and you tried to break us up. You made me treat him so badly until he had to leave. Before he did though he told me to get rid of you. But I loved you so much I couldn't let you go for awhile. Those folks at AA showed me how to let you go and today it's almost 4 years later. I found a power greater than you! hahaha
I've learned that by keeping a Higher Power in my daily life (other than you) and by not hanging out in bars and with all your other friends, I can stay sober. I'm even happy without you. I never thought that would be possible. I have all these other buddies now and they tell me pretty much the same story. You are such a two-timer!! Anyway, I just wanted to touch base and let you know that I'm always thinking of you, but I don't want to ever see you again.
You're an asshole!