Sunday, May 11, 2008

On this Mother's Day ...

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.
-Spanish Proverb

-- this picture is from 1966; she was 43

At first thought, I would think this is not the best Mother's Day I've ever experienced. My Mom is confined to a bed in a comprehensive nursing home. She is in hospice, meaning she will die any day. She can't speak and can't eat (except through a feeding tube) and rarely seems to understand what I'm saying. I'm not even sure she always knows who I am.

I only visit her once each week now, down from 2 or 3 times each week. Our (my sister and I) only objective these days is to see that her final days are as comfortable as possible. So she's not in pain. Her lifelong belief in God has carried her for 85 years.

As a recovering alcoholic, my newfound spirituality has taught me how to accept her situation and in many ways, how to deal with it. I feel that my HP has allowed her to continue breathing for a reason. I don't know what that reason is unless it's to bring us closer together. That has certainly been the case. And I know she spent many years taking care of her son. Now it's my turn to pay some of that back. Being sober, I do that with no regrets.

So I'll go see her today and take her a card and some flowers. She may or may not know I'm there. But it's the right thing to do and I'll do it with joy.


pat said...

Your mother is lucky to have you as a son.

Mary Gee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Christine said...

You made me cry Daave! Thanks so much for sharing. Thanks for the picture of your mom. God Bless You All. XXXOOO, MC

Trailboss said...


How well I know what you are going through. Our beloved Mother went through 8 years of not knowing what went on around her nor who we were. I too wondered why she was kept here and prayed for God to take her and take her home. It was very hard for me to see her in that condition but I went anyway, just like you said, to make sure she was taken care of. On that final day I was called by the wonderful people at the nursing home to tell me that it was time. Joe and I went. Joe stepped outside to have a smoke and it was then that Mother looked at me. I told her to go, that it was fine, that we all loved her and that I would see her in Heaven. I KNOW she understood me. There was a clarity in her eyes that had not been there for many years. I feel that God gave that time to us. The time for her to hear me and me to know that she did. She then took her final breath and was gone. But she was gone to a glorious place. A place where she would be young forever. No more pain, no more suffering. It was such a gift from God. Joe came in right after that and I cried but not much. I wasn't sad, I was happy. That 10 minutes was the most precious moments of my 50 years. Here's to you Mom and Dave's Mom and all the mothers in the world who have loved and cared for their kids.


Bill said...

She will know that you are there, even if she cannot let you know. I firmly believe that.

Thanks for including that picture. I wasn't going to post today, but I will now - just a photograph.

Mighty Aphrodite said...


Thanks for your story. Happy Mother's Day to you. I'm glad you have her in your life.

Anonymous said...

daave, just need you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. it is really a blessing that you've had this sober time with your mom, i'm certain she knows what an awesome son you've been to her.

Zane-nawwaa said...

Daave, a very beautiful and loving post. You ARE a good son. I'm blessed to have you as a big part of my sobriety. Love You.

Syd said...

Dave, your post brought tears to my eyes. I know that at some level your mother knows that you are there. And it is the right thing to give back to someone who has given so much to each of us. My mother brought much more than life to me.

Tab said...

Gawd damnit Dave your post made me want to cry.Not because it is sad.
Because it is so touching.

Your Mother is indeed lucky to have a son as you Dave.

Sending your Mom peace on the wings of a lovely butterfly.

And you,my friend,a big hug.

I just love you for you Dave.

Mark said...

You are a fine human being Dave and another true example of the miracle of recovery. Your mom will always stand proud that she brought you to life!