Saturday, July 04, 2009

the 4th

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
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Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

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hy does a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

9 comments:

Scott W said...

My mother's answer to questions like those: "Oh, honey, we're not supposed to think about stuff like that."

Tall Karen said...

Totally busted in trying to sing the 2 songs! How did you know???

Have a safe and sane(?)4th!

Ed G. said...

My mind's all a 'twitter...

Thanx...

Trailboss said...

Har de har har har

Mary Christine said...

Happy 4th of July Daave.

Steve E. said...

My father's answer to questions like those: "These make a lot os sense--NONSENSE!" My father and I were the best of friends....NOT!

gail said...

LOLOLOLOLOL

Syd said...

I blow in my dog's nose to get her to swallow a pill. It's an trick I learned.

Atiyanna said...

hahaha...thanks for the giggle!