Sunday, September 28, 2008

TV Facts

Things you would never know without TV...

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, all of which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

Any problem of life, no matter how complex, can be solved in 3 hours or less, but always in a period of time divisible by 30 minutes.

Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath, even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

If a phone connection is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?"

Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.

During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is preferable to stand behind him and talk to his back.


Mary Christine said...

AND a 110 lb. woman can beat the crap out of any man. ha.

Scott W said...

With everything we can do with technology, the major networks continue to produce mindless dreck. Tis a pity.

Syd said...

Everything Scott said.

J-Online said...

hmmmn. makes ya think.

Todd HellsKitchen said...

Please send over those wicked identical twins to my bluish NYC apt tonight...

Zanejabbers said...

You forgot "all of these things only happen during prime time".

Anonymous said...

That gave me a chuckle! A couple of years ago a lady broke down on the highway next to our jobsite and her car caught on fire. When the fire department got there she was in the car grabbing her purse and cell phone. I started yelling, Get out of there it's gonna blow up! The fireman looked at me and rolled his eyes, and said, that only happens in the movies.