Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Some of the worst puns ...

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was asalted.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, get married. The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was great.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.’” ”That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s not unusual.”

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive...”

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, ‘no, the steaks are too high.’

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

8 comments:

Trudging said...

A grasshoper walks into a bar and the bartender says,"sorry we don't serve your kind in here." The grasshoper says, "what you don't serve guys named Steve?"

Anonymous said...

This one is a little tasteless but oh well.
A tampon walk into a bar,and the bartender says "Are you a tampon " The tampon says "Frayed knot"
It's the best I can do this early.
I'm going to have to steal these but I will give you the creit.
Have a wonderful day.

Anonymous said...

a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel tied to his crotch. the bartender says, "i don't mean to pry, but did you know that you have a steering wheel tied to your crotch?" the pirate replies, "Aye, it's been drivin' me nuts!" -- lonestarsteve

GodlessMom said...

Drivin' me nuts! That's great!

I love the hydrogen atom one! Thanks for starting my day off right!

Scott W said...

Guy sitting at a bar keeps hearing "You're so handsome" and "Nice shirt".

He askes the barkeep if he is talking to him.

The barkeep says, 'No, it's the nuts, they're complimentary."

Hannen said...

I can't stop laughing!!

Anonymous said...

Some of those aren't puns. To pun is to substitute a word with one that sounds the same but has a different meaning.

For example:
"Eye can see you."

George said...

No, pun is a play on words. Substitution is just the simplest sort of pun.