Alcoholics and addicts are typically considered to be very selfish. Meaning that we tend to place ourselves and our own feelings and happiness, before any consideration of others.
I like to think that I've always placed others before me, but when I honestly sit down and look at my behaviours over the years, that certainly is not always the case. I have learned that I can't make this correction in my thinking by myself. I need help. I pray each night that God (as I understand Him) remove my shortcomings that keep me from doing His will. My thinking alone tells me to do my will, not His.
A situation occurred yesterday that painfully pointed out my selfishness to me. I was with my elderly mother and was ready to leave. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. She wanted me to stay a little longer to help her with a financial matter. I almost "lost it." But only in my mind. I caught my faulty thinking BEFORE I verbalized anything that would have been quite hurtful to her. I realized that it wouldn't hurt me one friggin' bit to stick around a little longer.
This, my friends, is the magic of recovery.
Even though I can't always control my flawed thinking, I can control my behaviour. Because of this improvement, today I don't have an amends to make. And today, I am still happy and sober.
Progress. Not perfection.
6 comments:
It's amazing isn't it? I go through the same thing sometimes. Though I am far from perfect and I do have "my moments" at times I too have a lot of "my moments" in my mind and only in my mind. Sometimes I just hate being in my own head. Rotten neighborhood that it is.
Peace,
JJ
Way to go dAAve! Having just spent a whole 8 days with my Mom I see where your coming from. Course, I only get to see her once a year which I now wish I could change. We'll see. Maybe I will.
Oh, what I would give to be able to spend a morning with my mom. You guys who still have yours are lucky.
as a wife of a alcoholic in recovery, when will my feelings matter. when will an apology for hurting last longer than 2 days before he starts to joke about the situation. I know its off topic but curious from people in recovery perspective.
I agree - selfishness and gross immaturity, those are the things I keep noticing in myself. Never noticed them while I was drinking...
xxMary
After 4 years of exclusively dating an alcoholic in denial, I have to say that apparently it works for some but not all. He is 58, has accumulated a total of 5 DWIs between NY and NJ, still drives even tho DMV suspended him for 10 years. Thank God we dont live together!! He only attends AA to have his court-ordered paperwork signed, refuses a sponsor and only gives his 80 yr old mother the keys on Sunday, stays in the house and gets ripped. I have broken it off with him permanently. I have found you cannot love a selfish, narcisscistic, passive aggressive drunk and I will NOT get sucked into that life. I dont even drink!!!!! I hope he burns in hell. Dont tell me to try Alanon because the healthiest act for me to engage in is to have left him. He has his best friends -- a 24 pack of Coors and Mr. Smirnoff.
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