Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Being Selfish

Alcoholics and addicts are typically considered to be very selfish. Meaning that we tend to place ourselves and our own feelings and happiness, before any consideration of others.

I like to think that I've always placed others before me, but when I honestly sit down and look at my behaviours over the years, that certainly is not always the case. I have learned that I can't make this correction in my thinking by myself. I need help. I pray each night that God (as I understand Him) remove my shortcomings that keep me from doing His will. My thinking alone tells me to do my will, not His.

A situation occurred yesterday that painfully pointed out my selfishness to me. I was with my elderly mother and was ready to leave. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. She wanted me to stay a little longer to help her with a financial matter. I almost "lost it." But only in my mind. I caught my faulty thinking BEFORE I verbalized anything that would have been quite hurtful to her. I realized that it wouldn't hurt me one friggin' bit to stick around a little longer.

This, my friends, is the magic of recovery.

Even though I can't always control my flawed thinking, I can control my behaviour. Because of this improvement, today I don't have an amends to make. And today, I am still happy and sober.

Progress. Not perfection.

9 comments:

NMAMFQLMSH said...

It's amazing isn't it? I go through the same thing sometimes. Though I am far from perfect and I do have "my moments" at times I too have a lot of "my moments" in my mind and only in my mind. Sometimes I just hate being in my own head. Rotten neighborhood that it is.
Peace,
JJ

sirreene said...

I am all smiles, nice to read first thing in the morning and you made mom happy :)

Pat said...

HP-
Yeah, I agree but do you think it's just active addicts that are selfish? Seems like one of those universal character defects.

Good job with mom. By delaying the frustration you could do good by her. I know older folks want so much attention they often times drag rhings out on purpose. It's a compliment really, she can't let you go:)

Blue said...

Good post! I had the same thing yesterday with my Mom she wanted me to come by to help her. I of course thought I was too busy, but I went. Said a prayer for patience right before I walked through the door and when I left I was thankful I could help her out. That she even wanted me to help her; I just had to adjust my attitude and way of thinking.

Hannen said...

Way to go dAAve! Having just spent a whole 8 days with my Mom I see where your coming from. Course, I only get to see her once a year which I now wish I could change. We'll see. Maybe I will.

Scott W said...

Oh, what I would give to be able to spend a morning with my mom. You guys who still have yours are lucky.

T of CA said...

as a wife of a alcoholic in recovery, when will my feelings matter. when will an apology for hurting last longer than 2 days before he starts to joke about the situation. I know its off topic but curious from people in recovery perspective.

Mary LA said...

I agree - selfishness and gross immaturity, those are the things I keep noticing in myself. Never noticed them while I was drinking...

xxMary

Anonymous said...

After 4 years of exclusively dating an alcoholic in denial, I have to say that apparently it works for some but not all. He is 58, has accumulated a total of 5 DWIs between NY and NJ, still drives even tho DMV suspended him for 10 years. Thank God we dont live together!! He only attends AA to have his court-ordered paperwork signed, refuses a sponsor and only gives his 80 yr old mother the keys on Sunday, stays in the house and gets ripped. I have broken it off with him permanently. I have found you cannot love a selfish, narcisscistic, passive aggressive drunk and I will NOT get sucked into that life. I dont even drink!!!!! I hope he burns in hell. Dont tell me to try Alanon because the healthiest act for me to engage in is to have left him. He has his best friends -- a 24 pack of Coors and Mr. Smirnoff.