Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Please Validate Me

For 20 years, I had a great career. I worked hard. And I worked good.

I did the best I could, although a few times my alcoholism got in the way. But not often. I have to assume that I did a pretty decent job because the 2 companies I worked for sent me to remote countries, to oversee projects that pulled in $2 - $3 million per month.

I rarely got raises in salary (it seems the industry was continually in a downturn, thus that excuse became boring). I never got promoted. I didn't even get evaluated, which was company policy. The excuse for that was because I was always out of the country and not available for one-on-one evaluation (that was a bunch of B.S.). Probably the reason I kept my job was because I was willing to go to these far-off places for extended and undetermined lengths of time, by myself. So I drank all I wanted to drink.

On one hand, it was a fantastic job for a practicing alkie. Pretty much work my own hours as long as the job got done. I could even drink when I was working, most of the time. I was by myself. No one looking over my shoulder. So I drank more.

On the other hand, I am a sensitive person. Most alcoholics and addicts are. I always knew I was doing a good job, but I couldn't even get a pat on the back. Little or no recognition. I needed that reassurance and never got it. So I drank more.

I wonder if there's any connection between never being validated and being an alcoholic.
Today, I don't need another person to validate me. That's now just between me and my HP.


GodlessMom said...

I've noticed with my brother in law (who is in recovery) he actually asks for much more validation from me and others now that he is sober. Do you think that is just a stage he is in or would it be indicitive of the personality that has been hiding under the drugs?

Scott W said...

Every human being needs validation, some just need it more and some demand more, and yet some are too afraid to ask. I used to get vaildation through stealth measures, come in through your back door and make you see that I was doing well and deserved to be told such. Today I ask my Higher Power daily to let me live honestly and let that burn up the need for vaildation.

JERKJ said...

I think validation must be a step up from humiliation and condesention. I just wish I could embrace peace and furthermore expect it, instead of its evil twin

Pat said...

I'm with Scott, everyone wants validation. When you NEED it there is something to work on. I am well accustomed to intermittant validation. The folks at my job act like they hate me, love me and are indifferent at times...often in the same week; it goes in cycles.


What was need me to validate your parking ticket? Just joking HP.......Love you bro!